Question:
Ok just a brief background on this song...When it was written I was listening to probably too much mewithoutYou(If theres such thing) so I decided to write a song that had spoken verses...The rhythm of the verses is hard to hear/see/read unless you've heard it...Different words are emphasized different ways to emphasize different things that can't be explained well on here...With all of that said I'd love a RC on this...
Horseshoes and Hand Grenades
Toy soldiers maimed in tattered pices left out on the floor
The battle for survival was just fine until they lost the war
Surrender was no option until they flew the white flag
Hiding from more horrors back home & hoping to die in the attacks
The pervading silence fell uneasy across the sea's shore
Plastic bullets bore real holes in ones unloved but adored
The men fought long and hard and to their hearts content
Their minds would repeat this horror, their conscience remained unbent
And when the ceasefire came they fealt so unsure
The fighting was over, they were dead, but so close to winning the war...
We were oh so close
But oh so far away
And thats just not good enough
I was never good enough
(but you were always good enough...in fact too good...for your own good...)
The battle of love and lust and hate with their badges we're adorned
Only two casualties from this squal were the only ones mourned
I find it hard to find the will to carry on in this charade
The survivors walk alone in this ghost of a victory day parade
Your idea of love was found in some kind of picture book
Where it was on and off(and on and off) and somehow you got off the hook
But please, please (spare me please) from dying in your arms
And forgive me God (oh forgive me God) for blindly jumping into this disregard...
so close....so far away...so close...SO FAR AWAY!
Answer:
Originally Posted by Opie Toy soldiers maimed in tattered pices left out on the floor
The battle for survival was just fine until they lost the war
Surrender was no option until they flew the white flag
Hiding from more horrors back home & hoping to die in the attacks
The pervading silence fell uneasy across the sea's shore
Plastic bullets bore real holes in ones unloved but adored
The men fought long and hard and to their hearts content
Their minds would repeat this horror, their conscience remained unbent
And when the ceasefire came they fealt so unsure
The fighting was over, they were dead, but so close to winning the war... i enjoyed the thickness of the reality in this verse... (despite the whole inability to hear the scheme of the rhymes...) really vivid... that's what i'm talking about...
Originally Posted by Opie We were oh so close
But oh so far away
And thats just not good enough
I was never good enough
(but you were always good enough...in fact too good...for your own good...) a poor rebound for the first verse, but at the same time it sums up the imagery very simply. good and bad. i cant decide to like/dislike it. so, good job.
Originally Posted by Opie The battle of love and lust and hate with their badges we're adorned
Only two casualties from this squal were the only ones mourned
I find it hard to find the will to carry on in this charade
The survivors walk alone in this ghost of a victory day parade
Your idea of love was found in some kind of picture book
Where it was on and off(and on and off) and somehow you got off the hook
But please, please (spare me please) from dying in your arms
And forgive me God (oh forgive me God) for blindly jumping into this disregard... i really like the line...
Your idea of love was found in some kind of picture book
...but the rest of the verse leaves me wanting to hear the first verse again, although it is only a small step down, it is still far from poorly written lit. i really like it...
Originally Posted by Opie so close....so far away...so close...SO FAR AWAY! SCREAMING? whispering? or SCREAMING? i dunno. i like... good stuff. different for sure, but that's not bad when it is done well. i hope to hear this up on the site pretty soon. rock on VOXD.
Answer:
Wow, that was... great. Very good Kent.
Answer:
Wow, that was amazing. Great imagery and metaphor.
The battle of love and lust and hate with their badges we're adorned
Only two casualties from this squal were the only ones mourned
I find it hard to find the will to carry on in this charade
The survivors walk alone in this ghost of a victory day parade
I like this part.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Opie Ok just a brief background on this song...When it was written I was listening to probably too much mewithoutYou(If theres such thing) so I decided to write a song that had spoken verses...The rhythm of the verses is hard to hear/see/read unless you've heard it...Different words are emphasized different ways to emphasize different things that can't be explained well on here...With all of that said I'd love a RC on this... Gotcha. I think I might have to steal the title for a chorus, taking it in a completely different definition. Do you mind?
Horseshoes and Hand Grenades
I really hope you don't mind, because I've got an idea from this for what could be an excellent song.
Toy soldiers maimed in tattered pices left out on the floor
The battle for survival was just fine until they lost the war
Surrender was no option until they flew the white flag
Hiding from more horrors back home & hoping to die in the attacks
The pervading silence fell uneasy across the sea's shore
Plastic bullets bore real holes in ones unloved but adored
The men fought long and hard and to their hearts content
Their minds would repeat this horror, their conscience remained unbent
And when the ceasefire came they fealt so unsure
The fighting was over, they were dead, but so close to winning the war... I like this a lot. Good imagery, but I'm a little unsure as to what you're referring to throughout this verse. Are you talking about a real war, where the real soldiers are being treated like they were just toys? Is this a political song? I'm just not sure because I don't have the context here. It is good though.
We were oh so close
But oh so far away
And thats just not good enough
I was never good enough
(but you were always good enough...in fact too good...for your own good...) This could be pretty cool. The simplicity of the language works well here.
The battle of love and lust and hate with their badges we're adorned
Only two casualties from this squal were the only ones mourned
I find it hard to find the will to carry on in this charade
The survivors walk alone in this ghost of a victory day parade
Your idea of love was found in some kind of picture book
Where it was on and off(and on and off) and somehow you got off the hook
But please, please (spare me please) from dying in your arms
And forgive me God (oh forgive me God) for blindly jumping into this disregard... Okay, I think I have a better idea what you're talking about now, but it's still a little hazy. That's alright though. I would change "on and off (and on and off)" to "on and off (and off and on)" personally, but that's more a stylistic choice.
so close....so far away...so close...SO FAR AWAY! This might come off as a little melodramatic.
Good imagery, a workable chorus, and an interesting theme. I like this one. But I still want to steal "horseshoes and hand grenades" for something else.
Answer:
yeah go for it...
It's kind of an anthem of everything in life that is so close you can feel it but never happens...Basically the war picture is like they thought they were going to win and could taste victory but then lost...and the second verse refers to a relationship where it had so many great things going but then just fell apart...the chorus just ties those thoughts together...
Feel free to use the title though...
Thanks for the comments...any more?