Question:
OK so heres a new one, that I wrote really fast but then went back and worked on it alittle more. I'll prolly tweak a few more things but here it is so far:
Verse 1:
Fake smiles and Alibis
Cover up the tears and the lies
That are hidden away behind the picture frame
That are hidden away behind the guilt and shame
I'm not gonna do what they say
Not gonna say what they want
'Cause individuality is sane
And comformity is not
Chorus:
I'm self denying self denial
Not comprimising my arrival
Not complying to be senile
But self Denying self denial, self denial, self denial
Verse 2:
We're a self sufficient world
and its our self priority
To write our own biography
In a couple of days
We read the cover not the book
And draw a self portrait of the outer look
but lets take a closer look
at what in life we've gained
anyway tell me what you think!
Answer:
Originally Posted by Fatherladd OK so heres a new one, that I wrote really fast but then went back and worked on it alittle more. I'll prolly tweak a few more things but here it is so far:
Verse 1:
Fake smiles and Alibis
Cover up the tears and the lies
That are hidden away behind the picture frame
That are hidden away behind the guilt and shame
I'm not gonna do what they say
Not gonna say what they want
'Cause individuality is sane
And comformity is not
Chorus:
I'm self denying self denial
Not comprimising my arrival
Not complying to be senile
But self Denying self denial, self denial, self denial
Verse 2:
We're a self sufficient world
and its our self priority
To write our own biography
In a couple of days
We read the cover not the book
And draw a self portrait of the outer look
but lets take a closer look
at what in life we've gained
anyway tell me what you think! First off, I'm gonna tell you that you've got a great song, but it needs a little changing. "Self Denying Self-Denial" seems a little awkward as a title to me. Maybe "Denying Self Denial"? It also seems a little cliche at parts, but it still sounds great.
I really like your rhyme scheme, though. Overall, I think it's a great song that could use a little revising.
Answer:
well what do you think I should revise besides the title? thanks for the feedback!
Answer:
I'm not gonna do what they say
Not gonna say what they want
'Cause individuality is sane
And comformity is not I didn't like this verse very much.
We read the cover not the book
And draw a self portrait of the outer look
but lets take a closer look
at what in life we've gained This is a great verse, except ending two lines with "look" seems sorta redundant. Other than that, it's a great song.
Answer:
Well for the part you didn't like I use to have this so maybe it's better.
We're a self relient group
and it is our self need
to take the lead
and to win the race
and for the other part...right now i can't thik of anything, suggestions are welcome.
Thanks