Question:
(my first screampunk song)
TV Programming
young minds under control
Meaningless ****
Bends consumers to your will
And you tell us what's right, but you're wrong
Playing to our folly
manipulate lust, envy and doubt
intensify self-pity
to move more units for your whores
And you tell us what's right but you're wrong
musicless tv presiding over our brains
deciding who succeeds and who just gets blamed
and you tell us what's right, but you're wrong.
Answer:
I'll be first...
I don't have any real RC's, but considering my stance on MTV, this is probably gonna be one of my favorite songs if you get it recorded. Very, very good job.
Answer:
I think you need to try to involve more of a literary element to your writing.
Just saying it straight is ok, but you're obviously trying to step away from that by using a larger vocabulary than most songwriters do. However, you aren't using them in a natural way, but placing them in natural sentences.
Try using metaphor, simile and allusion to thicken out the meaning of your song, rather than just the straight plunge.
But I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Scott I think you need to try to involve more of a literary element to your writing.
Just saying it straight is ok, but you're obviously trying to step away from that by using a larger vocabulary than most songwriters do. However, you aren't using them in a natural way, but placing them in natural sentences.
Try using metaphor, simile and allusion to thicken out the meaning of your song, rather than just the straight plunge.
But I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment. Thank you for the criticism, Scott. In writing this, I was intentionally trying to make it simple and straightforward, as opposed to something like this song. Of course, that's one of my better ones, and perhaps I am in general poor with the whole imagery thing. *shrugs*
Galen
Answer:
I thought it was pretty good. I'm not good at the saying stuff outright stuff.... so it wasn't bad. The title did catch me more than the song...