Question:
Verse: Say goodbye to the things you thought you knew
Finding myself in this is far less than bliss
I can't see to find a way...
Say goodbye to the gifts that made you new
What waits insists it's far more than this
Wait to see...
Chorus: Every time I fall, will you pick me back up?
Show me the way, make it evident in us
Deliver me from this death that I see imminent
All I need is your hand in the end
Bridge: When once again, my back is turned
Loneliness overcomes me
All the times I'm calling out and no one's listening
Pain and angst, they become me
Conceit shows its face once more
All the times I'm reaching out and you can't see me
Deliver me
Liberate me
I'm bound by what I could've done, should've done
And what I've done wrong
Convince me it's worth it
I can't run for long
Is it my fears that I'm running from or am I scared of myself?
I'm not fooling myself by fooling everyone else
Is it my fears that I'm running from or am I scared of myself?
Be my escape...
It's my intention to walk away
Oh, the temptation to evade the pain
The sole remedy remains your touch
These wasted years of longing, searching for a crutch
Chorus
With the energy in me, just let me cry
My life is in your hands, it's no longer mine...
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The newest song for Bur. It's got a lot of meaning and emotion behind it. I started writing this a few weeks ago due to a simply incredible supernatural event that occured to Matt a few weeks ago when we were at Pizza Hut. Upon discussing the incident that night, Matthew and myself discussed some times we had gone through previously in our lives. Of course, I started writing that in there as well. I threw in some lines from my suicide letter, because I needed that raw emotion that I had at the time. Then, what happened to Matt last Sunday encouraged me to keep on writing more and more for this song. As you can see, it has a long bridge, with a good portion of it solely venting from what occured. This will be a 6-7 minute song, so not only will it have lyrical depth, but musical depth as well. The first official ballad for Bur. Stay cool, Care BURz!
*Copied from my MySpace blog*
Please RC!
Answer:
The story behind it pretty much.
Answer:
Originally Posted by simple servant Verse: Say goodbye to the things you thought you knew
Finding myself in this is far less than bliss
I can't see to find a way...
Say goodbye to the gifts that made you new
What waits insists it's far more than this
Wait to see... The first line is pretty cliché, but I like the second line. I think it's all the "s" sounds that make me like it. Just has a nice ring to it. The rest of the verse seems like it's filler.
Chorus: Every time I fall, will you pick me back up?
Show me the way, make it evident in us
Deliver me from this death that I see imminent
All I need is your hand in the end First line is a cliché. I like the second and third lines here, but the last line is a cliché, which is a shame, as it's the most likely to be a hook.
Bridge: When once again, my back is turned
Loneliness overcomes me
All the times I'm calling out and no one's listening
Pain and angst, they become me
Conceit shows its face once more
All the times I'm reaching out and you can't see me
I like this bridge more than the rest of the song. Simple statements, but they ring true. I'm assuming this works well with music, as right now it doesn't seem to flow very well.
Deliver me
Liberate me
I'm bound by what I could've done, should've done
And what I've done wrong
Convince me it's worth it
I can't run for long Not bad. There's potential in these lines that could work well with music.
Is it my fears that I'm running from or am I scared of myself?
I'm not fooling myself by fooling everyone else
Is it my fears that I'm running from or am I scared of myself?
Be my escape... Here we go...these are some strong lines, especially the second line. Great stuff.
It's my intention to walk away
Oh, the temptation to evade the pain
The sole remedy remains your touch
These wasted years of longing, searching for a crutch These are great lines too. The best part of the song in this and the previous stanza.
With the energy in me, just let me cry
My life is in your hands, it's no longer mine... Not bad ending here. I can see it working.
You've got some potential with this song, but a lot of the lines are really general and abstract. You have a nifty real-life story connected to this so why don't you connect those emotions to some concrete imagery? With a little more work this could be quite good.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Skeeter The first line is pretty cliché, but I like the second line. I think it's all the "s" sounds that make me like it. Just has a nice ring to it. The rest of the verse seems like it's filler.
First line is a cliché. I like the second and third lines here, but the last line is a cliché, which is a shame, as it's the most likely to be a hook.
I like this bridge more than the rest of the song. Simple statements, but they ring true. I'm assuming this works well with music, as right now it doesn't seem to flow very well.
Not bad. There's potential in these lines that could work well with music.
Here we go...these are some strong lines, especially the second line. Great stuff.
These are great lines too. The best part of the song in this and the previous stanza.
Not bad ending here. I can see it working.
You've got some potential with this song, but a lot of the lines are really general and abstract. You have a nifty real-life story connected to this so why don't you connect those emotions to some concrete imagery? With a little more work this could be quite good. Hmm...cliche...I didn't really think that at first. But now that you mention it, those lines you said do sound very much that. Thank you for pointing that out! Ha, yeah, I do write pretty abstractly (if that's a word). With my writing, it's generally not easy to feel the pulse unless you have music with it. My backing vocalist hates me for the way I write, but it normally fits together very nicely. Thanks for the critiquing!