Question:
Verse 1:
It was a tragedy
The day you said to me
That we should broaden our horizons
And see what else is out there
Maybe you did the day
That you sent me away
But mine refused to stray
From the one that I knew so long
chorus
so much for love
so much for you
you mean so much more
than you ever knew
and i can't speak
of the disaster you've wreaked
it's not worth you losing sleep
over me
'cause your over me
Verse 2:
I remember that summers day
Like a motion picture winding in my head
With a twirl and a smile
I held you for a while
And we laughed at all the jokes each other made
Even though they were never funny anyway
*chorus*
Verse 3:
And when the film was nearing end
I caught a glimpse of us again
Speaking in tongues and whispering "i love you's"
But the film grew hazy
And the tracking went crazy
The tape ran out before we were through
Just like it always was with me and you
*chorus*
Yeah...so it's another emo-ish song (although I don't really mean it to be) about a girl. Please ruthlessly criticize, send me hate mail, and tell me I suck. I desperately need someone to cripple my self-esteem. You could be that person.
Answer:
This is ridiculous. Say it sucks, say it's the worst freaking song you've ever read, but say _something_. At least to indicate you've read it. One person.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Flyguy This is ridiculous. Say it sucks, say it's the worst freaking song you've ever read, but say _something_. At least to indicate you've read it. One person. I have read it, but I haven't had time to RC anything lately. I will get to it though.
In brief, you have a great concept here and some lines really stand out as being fantastic ("speaking in tongues and 'I love you's"), while others are just really bland ("you mean so much more than you ever knew"). You have some great ideas, but you need to work on your word choice.