Question:
Here are the words to a few of the songs I've written lately. I'll probably post another in here tomorrow, when I finish it up. Each song includes a brief description, Scripture references, and questions for criticism.
1-This is a song I wrote this summer when my youth leaders moved to India and the seniors in my youth group left for college. Is it too personal for a general audience, or is it vague enough that many people could identify with it?
Philippians 1:3-8
Bittersweet
Chorus:
They say it’s bittersweet
When a loved one leaves
They say it’s bittersweet
Well, I must agree, bittersweet
Verse 1:
Since the day you came
Our lives have never been the same
God has used you in marvelous ways
Now he’s chosen to take you away
Repeat Chorus
Verse 2:
We’ve grown up together
Life without you won’t seem right
Though some of you came just a couple years ago
Seems like you’ve been here my whole life
Repeat Chorus
Instrumental Verse
Repeat Chorus
2-I wrote this song after reading Hamlet (from which this song gets its first line), which is riddled with human flaws expressed in disease and plant imagery. I decided to write a song with a similar premise, using allergy as my central image.
Isaiah 6:5 , Romans 3:20, 5:8
Allergic to Myself
Verse 1:
“O, that this too sullied flesh would melt”
And free me from the horrid pain I’ve felt
As I look up from my pit of sin and shame
I see Your glory and Your fame
I know no man can be righteous
And no one can be good in your sight
I know I can’t live up to the standard
And I know I can’t stand up to Your light
Chorus:
There’s something wrong with my health
I’m allergic to myself.
I deserve to burn in hell
But Christ’s death makes me well.
Verse 2:
I’m a man of unclean lips
As I watch my Savior beaten and whipped
I wonder why he gave his life
For a soul so soiled as mine
And while we were still unrighteous
The Son of God came and gave his life
He left behind His throne in heaven
To make the unworthy right
Repeat Chorus
3-I wrote this song as events in my life made me deeply realize my own inconsistency and how it so contrasts God and His unchanging love.
Isaiah 54:10
No Sometimes With You
Verse 1:
Sometimes I struggle just to get up in the morning
Sometimes I wake up ready to face my day
Sometimes I’m full of words of wisdom
Sometimes I don’t have a clue what to say
I’m inconsistent in all I say and do
Oh Lord, that’s why I turn to You
Chorus:
There’s no sometimes with you
There’s no sometimes with you
You’ve always been the same
And you’re not about to change
There’s no sometimes with you
Verse 2:
Sometimes I’m full of energy and passion
Sometimes I really just couldn’t care less
Sometimes I put my mind over matter
Sometimes my emotions are a prickly mess
I’m just a tangled mess of fickleness and whims
But you’re the Rock of Ages, that’s why we sing you hymns
REPEAT CHORUS
Close with INTRO
Well, that's all for now. I've got a couple others I may post (the above songs are my favorites, so they got priority), plus I've got one I will definitely post as soon as I finish it. Please tell me what you think about these already here. Be brutally honest and make me a better writer.
Answer:
Originally Posted by legionbenji Here are the words to a few of the songs I've written lately. I'll probably post another in here tomorrow, when I finish it up. Each song includes a brief description, Scripture references, and questions for criticism.
1-This is a song I wrote this summer when my youth leaders moved to India and the seniors in my youth group left for college. Is it too personal for a general audience, or is it vague enough that many people could identify with it?
Philippians 1:3-8
Bittersweet
Verse 2:
We’ve grown up together
Life without you won’t seem right
Though some of you came just a couple years ago
Seems like you’ve been here my whole life
I dont like the last 2 lines, i mean, their ok, they just dont flow well i don think. I loved the rest of the songs .
Definate thumbs up on this song!!
Allergic to Myself
I like some parts of the verses, but most of it i thot was kinda bland.
The chorus tho was great, and the verses did flow into the chorus rather well, so i do give it that.
Thumbs down on this one.
No Sometimes With You
I liked the entire thing, it really flowed well. I loved the chorus especially, and the first verse. THe second verse was ok, not as good as the first one i dont think.
THis songs gets a thumbs up!!
Well, that's all for now. I've got a couple others I may post (the above songs are my favorites, so they got priority), plus I've got one I will definitely post as soon as I finish it. Please tell me what you think about these already here. Be brutally honest and make me a better writer.[/quote]
Answer:
Thanks for your comments demon_hunter. I agree that the verses of "Allergic to Myself" are a bit bland in spots. The "pit of sin and shame" is rather cliche. I'll work on it tomorrow and post some changes. Thanks for your criticism.
Answer:
Well here's the new song I promised. I just finished it. I've also attached a rough recording of the first verse and chorus. What do you think?
Romans 7:18-25, Hosea 2
Why do I do what I do?
Verse 1:
Lord I know You’ve saved me, and so I’m right in Your sight.
So why am I still plagued by my flesh sometimes?
I know I’ll have a new body when I reach my heavenly home.
Yet the sin of the body I’m in still makes me feel so alone.
Chorus 1:
Why do I do what I do? Oh, Why do I do what I do?
Lord, You know I love You. So why don’t I act like I do?
Verse 2:
Just when I think the battle’s over, I stumble all over again.
Even when I do what I should, I can’t win.
I know all who believe overcome and sometimes I feel like I do.
But often when I do something good, I forget how much I need You.
Chorus 2:
Why do I do what I do? Oh, Why do I do what I do?
Lord, You know I love You. Won't You help me to live like I do!
Instrumental Verse
Verse 3:
Oh, Lord You tore off my prostitute’s rags, exposing the depth of my sin
You chased away all my lovers, and made me Yours again
Then You led me into to the desert and spoke so tenderly
Somehow You still let me be Yours though I’ve lived so waywardly.
Chorus 3:
Why do You do what You do? Oh, Why do You do what You do?
You take my old sinful rags, burn them and make me new.
Why do You do what You do? Oh, Why do You do what You do?
You make the unworthy sinner new, oh why do You do what You do?