Question:
Ok, this song is about emo people lol.
Verse 1
your words
cut straight to my heart
the two-edged sword
tore me apart
I'm sorry
For bleeding on your shirt
please just say it's ok
for me to die
because I can't let you down
Chorus
So spend
A day in chuck taylors
And wear
A knitted wool sweater
And then you'll know why I cry
'Cause my heart
Hurts worse than my feet
And this wool (like your words)
Just tears me apart
and that's what makes me cry
Verse 2
My hands
Clinch your throat I you
I choke
As you die, I die too
But still
You have my heart
Till sweet
Do us part
I'll love you till you die
Outro
Emotional,
contradictory,
A living cliche
And proud to be
Answer:
I love the title. The song is just as good. Good job!
Answer:
Originally Posted by Mattlock I love the title. The song is just as good. Good job!
I am in total agreeance with you here matt!
emo_boy, you put emo song writers to shame with your lyrics.
Great job!!!
Answer:
Originally Posted by demon_hunter I am in total agreeance with you here matt!
emo_boy, you put emo song writers to shame with your lyrics.
Great job!!!
Agreed! This is some good stuff!
Answer:
hahahahahaha...wow
Answer:
any song writing contest in the future i think this guy should win
Answer:
There's plenty of cliché strewn throughout these lyrics, but in the context you've given here, I think it works. Still, be careful not to overdo it.
Answer:
Ha ha, that's good stuff man. Just add a line about wearing black thick-rimmed glasses and you're set
Answer:
Originally Posted by emo_boy 'Cause my heart
Hurts worse than my feet
This is, without a doubt, the best line in the song. I've never worn Chucks, but they've always looked ridiculously uncomfortable to me... is that what you're referring to in this line? In any event, it's a great line... not so sure about the rest of the song.
In His love,
Nate
Answer:
I have Chucks and they're the most comfortable shoes. There's not much to them so they're very lightweight, which is probably why I find them so comfortable.
The more I read this the more the clichés burrow under my skin into my brain. They're hurting me! You've got a good idea here and the chorus works well, but you've got to spice up those verses somehow with something more original. Or, you can go even more cliché. If you're going to do it, go full out. Rip into those emo clichés! Talk about hearts bleeding, how you feel like you could die, and how "love is a gun with one last bullet" or something. Because right now those verses are dull and lifeless.
(Now I'm tempted to use that "love is a gun..." line in one of my songs...)
Answer:
Chucks are incredibly comfortable. I wore mine from before Pike Place, over Queen Anne, over to Fremont, through Gasworks, up to the U District, walked around the U District...and then back, the absolute flimsy-ness of my Chucks meant that I had no blisters from rubbing...which was nice.
Answer:
And I am proved wrong again about anything relating to popular culture.... *sigh*
Answer:
lol thanks for the compiments guys. Chucks are pretty comftorble if you're not walking a ton, or at least that's what I've found. I wore mine to work one day and it was agony.
I know it's got it's share of cliche's but I didn't worry about that too much with this song. I'll probably rework it some, but it'll probably stay pretty much as-is.
Answer:
I'm with Skeeterdan here, I think it'd be hilarious if you went all out with the "emo kid" cliches.
Answer:
Originally Posted by emo_boy lol thanks for the compiments guys. Chucks are pretty comftorble if you're not walking a ton, or at least that's what I've found. I wore mine to work one day and it was agony.
I know it's got it's share of cliche's but I didn't worry about that too much with this song. I'll probably rework it some, but it'll probably stay pretty much as-is. Don't get me wrong, in this song clichés should be rampant. I guess my complaint is that they're not rampant enough. Right now, someone hears (or reads) the song and thinks "meh, it's pretty cliché." But if you really rocked out with the clichés he will instead think "haha, the way he used all those clichés is awesome!" Which would you prefer?