Question:
Finished. Tell me what you think. I am getting much more satisfying melody lines now (been focusing on that lately), but I still need a lot of work lyrically... at least I think so. Let me know what you guys think.

For What It's Worth (Lia's Song)

-verse 1-
if i could speak my mind right now
i'd take my spirit and let it out
i'd pin it up upon your bedroom wall
to comfort your own when you fall

-chorus-
i don't want to know how much i hurt you
and i don't want to know the pain you've gone through

-verse 2-
if i could take your hand in mine
i'd shake you up for lack of time
i'd try to get it through your head
i despise the broken things i said

(chorus)

-bridge-
so lift your hands and hide your eyes
it's taking over, it's taking over (2x)

(chorus)
-----------------------------------------
Strength Is You - subject to title change

-verse 1-
it's not a clever thing, but just an honest thought
to write this down, to think this up
it's just my selfishness and every disregard
for all the life i lost that's hitting me so hard

-chorus-
and i know
i don't want to lose this
one moment because you gave it
and all of my intentions
have stayed strong, but you'll still break them
but i know one thing's true
all my strength is you.

-verse 2-
it's not original, not even second rate
and all i thought i loved has become what i hate
all i didn't know was giving me a hand
a thought of blood i let, to count as reprimand

(chorus)

-bridge-
and all i wanted was to be
a perfect form of what i think
it means to live like i am free
but all this time, you were freeing me
you were freeing me

(chorus)
-----------------------------------------------

So, there they are.

The first song is about a friend... sometimes I screw up and start off on the wrong foot. Eventually God slaps me around some and I realize how off track I've gotten. This is my apology to her, because I was untrue to who I really was.

The second song is about a desire to praise God in a new way, because of how he's changed my life... I'm so thankful that He never gets tired of hearing the words "I love you", and that all my strength is nothing compared to His.

Josh.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Josh Finished. Tell me what you think. I am getting much more satisfying melody lines now (been focusing on that lately), but I still need a lot of work lyrically... at least I think so. Let me know what you guys think.

Strength Is You - subject to title change

-verse 1-
it's not a clever thing, but just an honest thought
to write this down, to think this up
it's just my selfishness and every disregard
for all the life i lost that's hitting me so hard
The lines flow very nicely. With a nice melody they would work well. I am having a hard time understanding the main point here. First you start off with one idea for 2 lines then it seems like it jumps to another subject.

-chorus-
and i know
i don't want to lose this
one moment because you gave it
and all of my intentions
have stayed strong, but you'll still break them
but i know one thing's true
all my strength is you.
Good. It ends with a nice hook. A hook that's been done before, but I think it works well here.
I don't know about that 6th line. I think the "but" at the beginning of it might sound awkward with the line above also containing that word, and it might be hard to follow. If those lines are seperated a little bit by the music, it might help.

-verse 2-
it's not original, not even second rate
and all i thought i loved has become what i
all i didn't know was giving me a hand
a thought of i let, to count as reprimand
It starts out cliche, that has been done many times and the second line is the pinacle of cliche lol. It has a good meaning, just see if you can rework those first two lines. This verse ends strong though, good line to end it.
(chorus)

-bridge-
and all i wanted was to be
a perfect form of what i think
it means to live like i am free
but all this time, you were freeing me
you were freeing me
I like this bridge. The first three lines flow very well, they are clear and sum the song up. I think you may want to rework the last 2 lines because they just seem awkward. I think the bridge as a whole might be better off without them. Just bring the "all this time" line up to the top and I think it should work lyrically, but you might have to rework the music to fit.
All in all a solid song with great potential. The style of this song reminds me of the new stuff from Relient K. It seems very much like something Matt Thiesenn would write.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Josh For What It's Worth (Lia's Song)

-verse 1-
if i could speak my mind right now
i'd take my spirit and let it out
i'd pin it up upon your bedroom wall
to comfort your own when you fall

-chorus-
i don't want to know how much i hurt you
and i don't want to know the pain you've gone through

-verse 2-
if i could take your hand in mine
i'd shake you up for lack of time
i'd try to get it through your head
i despise the broken things i said

(chorus)

-bridge-
so lift your hands and hide your eyes
it's taking over, it's taking over (2x)

(chorus) The title of this song reminds me of some titles from Swithcfoot's "New Way to Be Human". You know, like "Something More (Augustine's confession)" and "Sooner or Later (Soren's Song)". Anyway, The first line doesn't really go with the rest of the verse. It just seems like it's just there to be a good opening line. The Chorus and 2nd verse do sound a bit cliche, but I can see them both working well with the right music. In the bridge, what is "it"? You might want to spend sometime developing what "it" is
Strength Is You - subject to title change

-verse 1-
it's not a clever thing, but just an honest thought
to write this down, to think this up
it's just my selfishness and every disregard
for all the life i lost that's hitting me so hard

-chorus-
and i know
i don't want to lose this
one moment because you gave it
and all of my intentions
have stayed strong, but you'll still break them
but i know one thing's true
all my strength is you.

-verse 2-
it's not original, not even second rate
and all i thought i loved has become what i hate
all i didn't know was giving me a hand
a thought of blood i let, to count as reprimand

(chorus)

-bridge-
and all i wanted was to be
a perfect form of what i think
it means to live like i am free
but all this time, you were freeing me
you were freeing me

(chorus) Well, I hate to say this, but this song seems a little more cliche ridden then the former one. It is kind of hard to stay on your toes creativity wise with the subject matter you're dealing with though, so it's not necessarily a bad thing. The bridge, on the other hand, has some really awesome lines. It does kind of sound like one of the new Relient K songs, which again isn't a bad thing at all.
It's good to see you're still writing songs. Keep up the good work man
Answer:
Funny that you pointed out the bridge sounding like relientk... as soon as I wrote it, I thought the same thing.
Strength is You... the point of the song is that is wasn't for anyone but God. The lyrics were an effort not to get rid of worn out words. I realized, as I was writing it, that no matter what wonderful words I use, nothing is new to God. I think this is one of those songs that is for me and God and no one else. Most likely it won't make it onto any recording...
Lia's Song is very frustrating to me though. I really like the music... I will try rewriting the chorus and 2nd verse, because I'm not happy with them... especially the chorus. I knew as I was writing the bridge I would eventually be re-writing it. I just have to figure out what I want to say.
I'll update this as I make progress. Thanks guys.
Josh.