Question:
Verse
Clouds are rolling in
The rain falls again
Wondering if the sun
Will shine like it once did
Tripped and fell
Just want to be held
Will tomorrow come
Like everyone says
Chorus
Every time you Scream
Oh I hear you
Evertime you Cry
Oh I feel you
When its so hard to understand
When you cant see that saving hand
I am here
To walk you through these tears
Verse
Grasping for a hand
Just trying to stand
Fighting the past to
Try and trust again
Hurt and unconvinced
No one would ask for this
Will this hand let go
Just like the last
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Either a third verse or bridge to write but wanted thoughts on it as is.
Answer:
Well, it's a good message, and it's generally well put-together with an economy of words and phrases, but it uses a lot of the same exact images and ideas that are very common to Christian music. Also, many of the rhymes are rather common to music in general. So it's better than crap, but not as good as gold.
As it is, I don't think it needs a third verse or a bridge; the point is well made after the second verse. However, if you wanted to expand the message to answer the question posed in the second verse, just "I won't let go, I won't let go, with Hell that yawns around you and air that burns your throat, I won't let go" (random).
(sorry if this doesn't really help; I'm not very experienced with RCing people)
God bless,
Galen
Answer:
Originally Posted by Captured Verse
Clouds are rolling in
The rain falls again
Wondering if the sun
Will shine like it once did
Tripped and fell
Just want to be held
Will tomorrow come
Like everyone says It's good, as in the word are well chosen, it's efficient, and it fits together well, but it's nothing new. The phrases you're linking together here, though they're linked together well, are the same phrases I've heard in many, many songs. Just do a quick search with any of those lines in quotes with the word lyrics and you'll see what I mean.
Chorus
Every time you Scream
Oh I hear you
Evertime you Cry
Oh I feel you
When its so hard to understand
When you cant see that saving hand
I am here
To walk you through these tears Again, well put together, but these are still the same lines that other bands have used. You are a unique human being created in the image of God! You have unique experiences and a unique perspective on life. Don't be afraid to use it.
Verse
Grasping for a hand
Just trying to stand
Fighting the past to
Try and trust again
Hurt and unconvinced
No one would ask for this
Will this hand let go
Just like the last I like this a bit more. You've got a little metaphor running through here that with the last two lines really makes for something a bit different and new. I like how you stuck with the metaphor, which makes this verse fairly strong. It sticks together right from the first line to the last. You've still got some cliché lines here, but I like the image you're working with. Can you expand on that at all? Is there something more you could do with this hand metaphor?
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Either a third verse or bridge to write but wanted thoughts on it as is. It's obvious that you've been writing songs for a while as this song is well put together and strong in terms of form. But I think you need to start challenging yourself as a songwriter. You've got a great grasp of structure, but you need to freshen up your content a bit. Be specific! Concrete examples, imagery, and metaphor will almost always trump generalizations.