Question:
Ok so not finished yet but I have an idea so here it is. This is the first political song I've written.
Rich Politics
Poor Critics
We go to war when we're fighting at home
Old Commandments
New Admendments
We wave our flag but now our freedom is gone
Lost Romantics
New-found Antics
We search for love but now the love is gone
Those are just random verses, dont know the order yet. yeah it needs work, but still give me your ideas
Answer:
Originally Posted by Fatherladd Ok so not finished yet but I have an idea so here it is. This is the first political song I've written.
Rich Politics
Poor Critics
We go to war when we're fighting at home
Old Commandments
New Admendments
We wave our flag but now our freedom is gone
Lost Romantics
New-found Antics
We search for love but now the love is gone
Those are just random verses, dont know the order yet. yeah it needs work, but still give me your ideas
Well, first of all, I'd add more depth to the verses. The song seems to be too simple and shallow right now.
We go to war when we're fighting at home
...
We search for love but now the love is gone
...
We wave our flag but now our freedom is gone
Here, I'd change the repetetiveness in the last two endings. You have them both go like this:
We ___ but now ____ is gone
I'm not even sure if it should be worded like this. I'd think more among the lines of:
We ___ while ___ is gone
If you still wish to say "but now ______ is gone", you should change the first part to represent an action done in the past. For instance:
"We waved our flag but now our freedom is gone"
Once again I say, the repetetiveness is alittle annoying sometimes. So I'd think of some other thing to say instead of one of them.
I'll be glad to see where this song goes.
Answer:
Those are just random verses, dont know the order yet. yeah it needs work, but still give me your ideas On the whole, it sounds like you've got the beginnings of something more. The quick two word lines need to be expanded and this could be done fairly easily. Just brainstorm a little about what each phrase means and write a line after each one. Give it a shot at least. As it is, it's really empty and not saying much. Actually, it reminds me a bit of the first political song I wrote.
I'll throw in some questions to get you thinking.
Originally Posted by Fatherladd Rich Politics
Poor Critics
We go to war when we're fighting at home How are the politics rich? It seems a little weird to think of, as it is the politicians themselves who are rich. How are the critics poor? How do these two things lead to the final line? How are they all connected?
Old Commandments
New Admendments
We wave our flag but now our freedom is gone It's a bit easier to see the connections in this one, but they still need some expansion. What do the Old Commandments and New Amendments have to do with freedom? What does waving the flag have to do with the Old Commandments? In what way have new amendments affected the commandments? Is this a bad thing? How so?
Lost Romantics
New-found Antics
We search for love but now the love is gone There's a bit of a disconnect between the previous ideas and this one. What do romantics and love have to do with politics? How does this connect with the rest of the song? What is the over-riding theme that ties it all together? How did the romantics get lost? What are the new-found antics? Where did the love go? What are the consequences of that?