Question:
From a song I wrote and recorded years ago. Do the lyrics still Hold up?
Traces of light break through
Chasing the night
Wondering in silence
If you've the gift of sight
The threads that hold together
Pieces of your heart
Are frail and tired and broken
And bound to fall apart
But there's a place where we can go
If you really want to know
Come and see, won't you come and see
The view is wonderful from here
Everything is crystal clear
Come and see, come along with me
The saint and the sinner
Sometimes we are the same
Regardless of the circumstance
We've only us to blame
We've tried time and time again
To make it on our own
Freedom from ourself
Is the greatest freedom know
Jesus made you by design
Only he knows what you'll find
Come and see, won't you come and see
All alone inside yourself
Put your doubt up on the shelf
Come and see, He's waiting just for you
Answer:
Originally Posted by Tuesdays Child From a song I wrote and recorded years ago. Do the lyrics still Hold up?
Wow.. i like it already.. I also like your screen name..
Traces of light break through
Chasing the night
Wondering in silence
If you've the gift of sight
Excellent!
The threads that hold together
Pieces of your heart
Are frail and tired and broken
And bound to fall apart
this is really really nice.. My only critique is to remove the first 'and' of the third line. It makes it sound somewhat awkward.
But there's a place where we can go
If you really want to know
Come and see, won't you come and see
The view is wonderful from here
Everything is crystal clear
Come and see, come along with me
This is great as well,.. but there is a line I'm not so fond of. the second to last line is very very cliche. Almost to the point of making my top ten list of the worst cliches. Sorry if that sounds harsh.. but it is a common phrase that should be dealt with. I would say,.. get a thesaraus out..
The saint and the sinner
Sometimes we are the same
Regardless of the circumstance
We've only us to blame
Oh no! the last line is another one of those phrases I hate. I've heard that line so many times! It looks like you got a little bleach on these jeans.
We've tried time and time again
To make it on our own
Freedom from ourself
Is the greatest freedom known
I fixed it!
Jesus made you by design
Only he knows what you'll find
Come and see, won't you come and see
All alone inside yourself
Put your doubt up on the shelf
Come and see, He's waiting just for you
I'm not so sure I like the second to last line.. it's a little overused. I love the idea, though..
Well.. you definitely have some great talent with words! Please post more often!
Blessings,
Swank
Answer:
Hey, thanks for the honesty. You're right, everything you said was dead on. Luved the bleached jeans crack, I hope you were trying to be funny.
I fixed it!
Not sure what you mean by that one though?
By the way, I listened to some of your girls songs on her website. She is very good. I dig her style and her voice.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Tuesdays Child Hey, thanks for the honesty. You're right, everything you said was dead on. Luved the bleached jeans crack, I hope you were trying to be funny. Oh of course..
Not sure what you mean by that one though? I meant that I fixed it.. I put an 'n' at the end of 'known'... because I'm pretty sure it was just a typo.. it only said 'know'...
By the way, I listened to some of your girls songs on her website. She is very good. I dig her style and her voice.
Yeah.. she's a good friend of mine.. She's the coolest.. Thanks for checking out the site!
Blessings,
Swank