Question:
This one is not yet complete. All I have at the moment is a verse and a chorus, but I'd like to get some thoughts on what I have thus far. It might spark some ideas for the second verse.
Dressed in His Finest
There's a lower-case god standing on the corner
Accepting the worship of the city streets
And the prayers of shadows passing by
The streetlights cast a halo all around his shoulders
But he hasn't broken bread in a couple of weeks
And yet wine flows freely from his eyes
[chorus]
With his tangled hair and his stony gaze
He'll stay in your mind for a couple of days
Will you be surprised when he's on your right
At the wedding feast of the Lamb
Dressed in His finest
Answer:
First and foremost, really cool imagery for this song. I love the poetry of the first verse.
Originally Posted by Skeeter Dressed in His Finest
There's a lower-case god standing on the corner
Accepting the worship of the city streets
And the prayers of shadows passing by
The streetlights cast a halo all around his shoulders
But he hasn't broken bread in a couple of weeks
And yet wine flows freely from his eyes All good, except for the rhyming-it sounds like it wants to rhyme, but can't...I wonder, maybe you could move line 4 to the end of the verse? That would fix the rhyme sceme...
[chorus]
With his tangled hair and his stony gaze
He'll stay in your mind for a couple of days
Will you be surprised when he's on your right
At the wedding feast of the Lamb
Dressed in His finest Love it. Nothing to say here. It fits perfectly.
As for ideas for the next verse...why don't you start with "There's a lower-case ________ ", and use another metaphor?
Answer:
Thanks for the compliments. I really appreciate. it.
I don't think "lower-case _____" would work for the second verse, as "lower-case god" is a complete phrase in itself. My basic idea was to switch to a female subject in the second verse, but I'm low on ideas at the moment.
As for the rhyme scheme in the verses, it's a very loose ABCABC rhyme scheme. I already have music for this one, so changing the rhyme scheme wouldn't work. Could you explain why the rhyming bothers you?
Answer:
I think it just might be the mental tune I'm trying to set to it. I've always been used to even rhyme schemes, like 4-line stanzas. Having groups of three lines was messing with me a little. But it definitely would work.