Question:
These are lyrics for a song... you can listen to the music at the links in my sig. (it's the untitled instrumental). It short and not finished, but I just wanted to get some early opinions
For All to See
If you wanted to know
How it would go
Just like this, just like this
That feeling inside
Well, it just won't hide
Away from the light, away from...
The spark, the switch, and the line to it
Away from the light, away from...
A windowless mind
For all to see
Such a beautiful mind
For all to mislead
Answer:
Early feelings: very cliche, the chorus is good, but I would leave "to it' off of the first line.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Small Early feelings: very cliche, the chorus is good, but I would leave "to it' off of the first line.
Ha, you're very insigtful (or atleast you think like I do) because I scrapped and rewrote everything (for the reason you mentioned and it had an odd rhythm, but the chorus is basically the same and the "to it" sounds better within the music) by the time I recorded it (the formatting is a little weird because there's two voices a some points):
The lights fold back
The curtains fade away
Leaving the sky
Revealed on stage
Alone I race
To lay these down
And let the winds
Bring out the sound
Of all the stereo
And every note you've ever sung at all (at all)
If this meant more to me
You know I'd never leave this place at all (at all)
Just one light is all we need
Just one light to find the scene
The spark, the switch, and the line to it
A windowless sky for all to see
A windowless mind for all to (such a beautiful mind) mislead
Answer:
I'm not crazy about it as a whole, but I love love love the "spark, switch, line" line. Don't change that. No way.