Question:
Hey guys what do you think of my song I'm kinda new to writing songs
Verse 1
I've been sittin' and waitin' for something to happeen,
And everyday is just passing me by,
But everytime I lose my way,
You're knockin at my door
Chorus 1
I can feel you in the air,
I can hear you in the breeze,
I can see your love for me,
Jesus you are the reason that I live,
Verse 2
So many times I run to you when I'm alone and afraid,
You are always there with wide open arms,
Chorus 2
I can feel you in the morning,
I can hear you in the night,
You love it surrounds me,
Jesus you are the reason that I live,
Bridge
Everytime I need help or my world falls down,
You are there for me,
Repeat Chorus 1 and 2
Answer:
The potential to me would lie in the music behind the song. I see one flow issue here:
Originally Posted by da song I can see your love for me,
Jesus you are the reason that I live,
Starting off a new line with His name can be a little clunky and sounds very classic Hillsongish. Depending on your genre using another language where His name begins with a "Y" helps a lot, the other option is to move it off of the first word, but that would take some wordsmithing rework. Putting His name at the end of a line is very soulfull, you'll find a lot of that in black gospel.
Answer:
Yeah I nocticed when I played that it was cluncky. I'll try moving His name to the end. My church enjoyed this song though. But i'm only a Juinor in High school and I'm writing worship songs for God. So I'm not totaly expecting to have everything completly correct the first time through. And as long as I don't get caught up in being a musician and I play for God I have a feeling that I will be fine. Thanks for the suggestion.