Question:
I met a guy at work last summer, and we knew each other for about a month. Then, he received a ten month contract to work in another city, across the country. Since then, we have been emailing back and forth, and he'd msn me often.
He came back to my city to work last month, and since then, we've been dating one full month.
Since asking me to be his girlfriend, he's been touching me alot, kissing, hugging me, and making out, to the point where we almost had sex. He's been inviting me to his apartment, which I am fearful of going to now that I know what his intentions may be.
We are both christians, and he's been baptized. He has christian friends, and attends fellowship.
We do have conversations about Christ, our walk, life. I wish to deepen this aspect of our relationship but its difficult to. He is a kind, sweet, sincere and intelligent guy, who I'd want to keep as a friend regardless. We are both in our mid to high twenties.
I'm just wondering if I'm missing something here. Is it normal for guys to move this fast in the relationship? He's told me he's never had sex, but obviously, he's made out before (he has had two previous girlfriends).
It seems weird that he is moving so fast, but it seems to be normal to him.
I've only been in one previous relationship, which lasted three months.
Advice needed, please!
Answer:
All I know is that you should probably level with him and tell him exactly how you feel.
Answer:
If you are not comfortable with what is happening you need to say something. There is no point just letting it build up inside of you and doing things you really don't want to.
Tell him how you feel, and take it from there depending on how he responds.
I'm not one for rules, but perhaps you need to agree on something like no kissing etc till you get married (if thats what happens). You may need this to control what is going on.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Simo If you are not comfortable with what is happening you need to say something. There is no point just letting it build up inside of you and doing things you really don't want to.
Tell him how you feel, and take it from there depending on how he responds.
I'm not one for rules, but perhaps you need to agree on something like no kissing etc till you get married (if thats what happens). You may need this to control what is going on. I agree. You should draw the line where you aren't comfortable.
Answer:
boundaries!
that's where it's at!
Answer:
Originally Posted by bobthecockroach All I know is that you should probably level with him and tell him exactly how you feel. Exactly. You need to tell him that you are uncomfortable with the way things are progressing and that the physical aspect of your relationship needs to slow WAY down, and in turn start trying to build and strengthen the spiritual aspect of your relationship.
If he actually cares for you and more importantly respects you then he will also respect your wishes and back off. And i agree with those that have said to set some boundries, no prolonged kissing, no petting or touching other than holding hands and short hugs, no being in a parked car or apartment alone together. Just some suggestions, but if you are both commited to them, then they will help.
Some boundries that my husband and I had before we were married was that we couldn't be in my room with the door shut or even partially closed (i lived in a house with 2 other roommates). He wouldn't be at my place past midnight on the weekends (during the week we worked/went to school so this wasn't an issue). No prolonged kissing, and later no making out period. No petting, no sitting in a parked car for long periods of time. It was hard, and we did fail in some areas, but let me say that since we were both commited to purity, and were commited to maintaining the boundries, it helped tremendously in allowing us to remain pure for each other until our wedding day.
So yeah, i encourage you to talk to him, be up front and honest. Tell him that i MUST stop or the relationship must end. No matter what don't compromise.
Answer:
I'm with Rach on what she says. Boundaries should have been set from the beginning, though I'm guessing you hadn't thought of this because the struggle wasn't there with your last boyfriend.

He really needs to respect you and you need to respect him and back off yourself, even if it does end up in a fight because of it and he ends the relationship... in the end, it's for the better, for the both of you.

I know how hard it is to say no, so try not even get into those positions that can take you further than you should and want to go.