Question:
Okay CGR community. Never have I expressed this to anyone, not to my pastor, who I look up to, my friends whom I trust with my lives, or even the older members of the church who I love so dearly and I could usually open up to. I couldn’t possibly tell my pastor, my friends won’t understand this fully, and the elders of the church always think I’m lying when I say “ I don’t”
Okay so I’m in high school, I’m going to be senior, was recently saved last year and that’s when I changed everything about me, even my perspective on girls. Since then I’ve been attracted to girls who are in the Lord, Christian girls who praise God openly, trust in the Lord, purely innocent and such. When I was saved, a few weeks after I began to notice this girl in our English congregation. She’s beautiful, smart, religious, kind-hearted, everything. Recently. It’s been hurting. We’re close friends and everything, we talk on the phone a little more than an hour every other day, but I just can’t seem to talk to her in person. (yeah seems like some elementary school disease) I’ve been praying to God for the past few months about this girl. Basically my prayer is about getting this girl out of my head at this time in my life, I just want to be friends with her. Even if God has chosen her to be the girl I marry in the future, I still want her to get out of my mind because it’s been affecting me. I am widely involved in my church, a worship leader, an example to the younger ones, and in core, and it really affects me sometimes. It has also affected my walk with God, causing me to question him sometimes and point fingers. I don’t understand it, if she’s so good to me and God and everyone especially herself, and if my desire is to rid of these feelings about her, especially since it’s affecting me as a person, why won’t God just take these feelings away and allow me to just think of her as a friend?
Answer:
Originally Posted by crazychu Okay CGR community. Never have I expressed this to anyone, not to my pastor, who I look up to, my friends whom I trust with my lives, or even the older members of the church who I love so dearly and I could usually open up to. I couldn’t possibly tell my pastor, my friends won’t understand this fully, and the elders of the church always think I’m lying when I say “ I don’t”
Okay so I’m in high school, I’m going to be senior, was recently saved last year and that’s when I changed everything about me, even my perspective on girls. Since then I’ve been attracted to girls who are in the Lord, Christian girls who praise God openly, trust in the Lord, purely innocent and such. When I was saved, a few weeks after I began to notice this girl in our English congregation. She’s beautiful, smart, religious, kind-hearted, everything. Recently. It’s been hurting. We’re close friends and everything, we talk on the phone a little more than an hour every other day, but I just can’t seem to talk to her in person. (yeah seems like some elementary school disease) I’ve been praying to God for the past few months about this girl. Basically my prayer is about getting this girl out of my head at this time in my life, I just want to be friends with her. Even if God has chosen her to be the girl I marry in the future, I still want her to get out of my mind because it’s been affecting me. I am widely involved in my church, a worship leader, an example to the younger ones, and in core, and it really affects me sometimes. It has also affected my walk with God, causing me to question him sometimes and point fingers. I don’t understand it, if she’s so good to me and God and everyone especially herself, and if my desire is to rid of these feelings about her, especially since it’s affecting me as a person, why won’t God just take these feelings away and allow me to just think of her as a friend? I think the problem is that if you want to stop thinking about her, stop spending so much time talking to her. Perhpas you should organise to talk once a week.
If you just want to be friends and nothing more than act as if you would to a friend. I know for me, even for my best friends, its not normal for me to talk to them every second night for an hour. Some weeks ill send them a txt message and nothing else.
If you could put it down to one reason, why do you think you have trouble talking to her in person?
Answer:
You said you we're uncomfortable talking to her in person, maybe you should tell her so that when you talk to her, it will make it more comfortable.
You also said because of your relationship you question God, maybe you shouldn't question God, but why he does stuff. Honestly when I'm around Godly girls they bring me closer to God, not farther away, maybe you just need to change your perspective a little.
You talk to her over an hour every day, that's cool, and you are close friends, then I'm sure she'll understand if you want to go a little bit slower in your relationship.
I don't think God will take your feelings away (but it would be nice), if being in this relationship is affecting you in a bad way then I would pray to God about it and if you think he is leading you to stop then stop.
You said you were saved last year, you can't expect to be perfect on these things, changing the way you act takes time, I wouldn't do anything without praying to God.
But if I were you I would try to keep the relationship, it sounds like a great one.
God Bless!
Answer:
That REALLY annoys me when that happens, I just ignor it, and talk to her normally, and the felling passes, but it takes a while.
Answer:
If she is the only person you confide in, find a guy.
I've always been worried about my boundries. I was a youth leader over a bunch of teenagers and especially worried how the girls might view me because I didn't want to confuse them with the love a brother in Christ gives them and the love of a significant other would give them. I got around it by letting the know they were my sister in Christ.
So look at her like a sister.
Would you flirt with your sister? ICK!!!!
Answer:
no matter what happenes between you two, keep being her friend, especially right now. if you start ignoring her (so that you'll stop thinking about her ??) she'll get a bad vibe andit would probably NOT be good.
start out by saying smiling and making eye contact. if this isn't a problem, just say hi. if she says something, pay attention and try to make an intelligent answer... not you look good today (unless of course shes asking how she looks -- then you can say that with out tacking on the today, and looking in her eyes). once you are comfortable with the greet, move on from there. large conversations aren't needed, it seems as though you do a lot of that on the phone already
looking ahead... or just looking at all. if you really want her out of your head... don't look. it just makes it harder. its like when your a little kid and you want this toy really bad.... its not going to help if you go to the store every day and gaze at it.
oh yes one more thing...
you said that it is hard for you to talk to her and that you want her out of your head. as a fellow worship leader and example to younger childen (and also in grade 12 this coming year) i know how you feel. perhaps the best 'plan of action' is to pray that God will work things out between you guys. maybe there is a reason for those feelings... god can work them out for good. dig deep intothe word and yearn to be a man after gods own heart. even david made mistakes... don't be afraid to do the same.
this chika seems like a special girl. if she seems as special as it sounds like in your post, keep her, even if just as a friend. as a fellow christian, and sister in christ, her actions should be encouraging you to be closer to god, not hindering your relationship with them. pray to see the situation through gods eyes... he has a plan and a purpose for everything
-chelsea