Question:
Okay, so if some of you remember earlier, I had this thread earlier, about questioning whether or not this guy liked me. Well he does, and he told me he would like to go out with me. I saw him last night, and we hung out all night,flirting, and hanging out, and just being together. Well the other girl, who likes him, got mad, and ran out of the building crying. He looked upset, so I told him to go after her, because I feel really bad for her. So he went out, and I guess they talked or whatever. She came back in, and went to one of the other rooms in the building, and started to play pool with some of our other mutual friends. Later as I was leaving T (the boy), walked me out to my car, and we were hugging goodbye, when Esther the girl came out, and was like, "I have to talk to you T, so I started to get in my car to go home, but T stopped me, and said that he wanted to ask me something before I left, so I stood outside, and waited for them to stop talking. Esther took him aside, which was only a few feet away, and started to publicly broadcast things in front of a bunch of people, who really didn't need to hear some of the things she said. She started going off on this rampage, about how he shouldn't be hanging out with me, because I'm older than he is, and that he should go out with her, because she was better looking, and she would make him happier. Then she said, that I wouldn't make a good girlfriend, because I went out with Dustin the other jerk that broke my heart, while I still liked Tyler, which I went out with Dustin, when Tyler made it clear he didn't want a relationship with anyone, so I moved on. But Dustin dumped me, and Tyler realized how much he liked me, and he was jealous.So anyways, Esther started saying all these things, in front of my friends, and even strangers who were walking by on the sidewalk.T kept trying to defend me to her, but she kept saying things, like how she was thinner than I was, and that in the long run that's what he wants. It took everything in me not to say something really mean, but I held my tongue, and for anyone who know's me, that is something I have a hard time doing. Then she tried to hug him, and be all touchy-feely with him, and he sort of pushed her away, and she burst in to tears, and ran back in the building. This time, he didn't care, and he came back to me, and we were talking, and then I reminded him he had something to ask me, and he was like, "oh yeah", and then we got in my car to talk. He asked me, if I would consider dating him, and I said I would consider it. The thing is this girl is always around us, because of our mutual friends........she is good friends with his best friend Jared. And Jared and Tyler are bestfriends, so they are always around. This isn't the first time, she's said stuff about me to him, or our other friends, my frieds alway stick up for me, but she always goes out of her way, to say things that are hurtful and spiteful.
My question is, how do I maintain my friendships with them, without having to be around her? Everytime I try to get my friends together, without inviting her, she invites herself, and comes anyways. I've asked her repeatedly to give me a chance, because I'm not the horrible monster she makes me out to be. I've told her, that if she doesn't have anything positive to say, then to say nothing at all, but she just says, she has to "watch out for T's best interest", because I'm a man-eater, and I'll hurt him, and she'll be there to pick up the peices.
I've asked all our friends what to do, and they say, oh well, she's a friend, we can't abandon her. So how do I deal with this situation..it's geting to the point, where I don't want to hang out with them anymore, as long as she's around....
Any advice would be helpful.
Answer:
My goodness, that is a sticky situation! This girl sounds like she's greatly misled by superficial ideals. I really can't see many ways of giving effective advice here...but what if you tried to be extra nice to the girl? I mean, invite her out, and say nice things to her everytime you see her, despite whatever rude comments she may make, or what dirty looks she might bestow upon you. Maybe if you proved how much more of a decent minded person you are, she would see something to deter her bad attitude towards this relationship. It could work, although from what you have described, maybe it's not her best interest to look after "T" and save him from "Your oppressive claws of misery", but to get on his good side for a near future of personal pleasure?
I really think you've done well to restrain from confronting her in a violent or aggressive way, good job with that. I advise to keep that up, but otherwise, there's not much more I can say that will be of any help, sorry.
Answer:
1. Ignore her, she is ignorant and jelious of you.
2. If you choose to date T then you can easily prove her wrong by being the woman he wants in his life (don't do it for spite but because you care about him. Either she will eventually see that you are good for T or everyone else will and disregard her opion as the jelious garbage it is)
3. Pray about it, pray for her and do your best to keep holidng your toung, you did the right thing. Man people who are jelious like that and use arguments such as "I"m thinner and better looking" are very desperate people.
Good luck.