Question:
I dated my ex-girlfriend for about 10 1/2 months before I broke up with her. She is an awesome Christian girl and I broke up with her because I felt my relationship with God was put on hold while we were going out. I still loved her with all my heart, but felt it was best for me to concentrate on school, ministry, and advancing my relationship with God. Even after the break up, we still hung out and she always confessed her love for me and wanted to get back together . . . I always told her I was not ready. Three months went by and recently she has been hanging out with a friend of mine (isn't there an unspoken code about your friends dating your ex-girlfriends!!!). It is hurting me so much to see her hang out with him . . . I still love her. I told her this (we still talk all the time) and she keeps saying nothing is set in stone and she still loves me as well.
I'm in a terrible situation now and wonder if I had my chance and it's gone or should I try to "win her back." Since we broke up I have been doing awesome in my devotionals and growing spiritually a lot, graduated school, and feel that I could have a great relationship with her. She is confused as well and we are both praying.
Any advice is much appreciated.
rb18b
Answer:
So um... she wants to be in a relationship with you, but she's in a relationship with someone else instead?
Answer:
how has your situation changed? you have your problems solved. You will now be able to focus on God more, and on your studies whilst your mate gets caught up in a mess. She may be trying to manipulate you into wanting her - which is a normal reaction even when you really didnt want it. Get over it, be a better man and she will realise that it may be worth waiting for you. Dont relinquish your control over this situation and look for God for comfort. Be her friend still and stuff but do what you know you need to do.
Answer:
Originally Posted by rb18b I dated my ex-girlfriend for about 10 1/2 months before I broke up with her. She is an awesome Christian girl and I broke up with her because I felt my relationship with God was put on hold while we were going out. I still loved her with all my heart, but felt it was best for me to concentrate on school, ministry, and advancing my relationship with God. It's important to note that you ran away instead of stepping up to be the spiritual leader of the relationship. It's not like there is God time and then there is girlfriend time, if you still view relationships in such a way I suggest not getting back into one. God is to be the center, purpose, direction and action of relationships, not just some moral authority.
Even after the break up, we still hung out and she always confessed her love for me and wanted to get back together . . . I always told her I was not ready. Three months went by and recently she has been hanging out with a friend of mine (isn't there an unspoken code about your friends dating your ex-girlfriends!!!). It is hurting me so much to see her hang out with him . . . I still love her. I told her this (we still talk all the time) and she keeps saying nothing is set in stone and she still loves me as well.
I'm in a terrible situation now and wonder if I had my chance and it's gone or should I try to "win her back." Since we broke up I have been doing awesome in my devotionals and growing spiritually a lot, graduated school, and feel that I could have a great relationship with her. She is confused as well and we are both praying. Of course she's confused, you're hesitent. First you break up with her and then you want her back but you arent sure? You're treating her like some emotional convenience, not a person. A woman wants to be wanted and decisively pursued for who she is, not this halfway well-I-still-like-you stuff.
In the meantime she says she loves you but is hanging out with this other guy, maybe it's more because of his pursuing of her, but it seems like she might be a bit dependent on having a relationship and he's the rebound guy. If such is the case she probably shouldn't be in a relationship either (though it's not your place to tell her that).
I recommend staying out of it, finding a wise and righteous man with a healthy marriage and life to mentor you, study up on manhood and womanhood in Christ, and I'd specifically recommend checking out the dvd series sold here from Randy Gariss--one of the best speakers on relationships I know. You don't always have to learn the hard way, seek wisdom and listen to the counsel of righteous men.
Answer:
Thank you for your replies . . . I don't really have time to write now, but you all gave me a lot to think about and pray about. I will check out that video series and seek more resources. I guess relationships are an area that I know little about . . .
Thanks again,
rb18b
Answer:
Nicely put Dice, in lesser words I agree.
Examine yourself, do you feel you are ready to be a spiritual leader in a relationship? Do you feel that she is the one who you would like to spend the rest of your life with. Relationships aren't easy because they take work but its always worth the effort when you step up to the alter.
I think many of us have been in your shoes before...
Answer:
Originally Posted by rb18b (isn't there an unspoken code about your friends dating your ex-girlfriends!!!). First of all, it's unreasonable to expect everyone to treat your ex-girlfriends as though they were off-limits. Talk about selfish. Second, unspoken codes are causes for arguments and pain, and nobody is bound to an unspoken code. Agreements carry obligations, not some code someone on a sitcom made up that you've never discussed. Third, what kind of friend are you to go behind your buddy's back and talk to the girl he's dating, ex of yours or not?
Instead of focusing on whether you did your devotional today or not, why not love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself?
Rom 2:13 For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified.
Answer:
1. She is no longer your girlfriend.
2. To try to "win" her back would be to go behind your friend's back and start stabbing.
3. Like you said, she is an awesome girl. Is it a surprise that someone else is intrigued by her qualities? Especially one of your friends who have been around her enough to see them? You've got to remember that the odds are, her friends and your friends are friends. It is unlikely for an "awesome Christian girl" to just randomly date someone she doesn't know from Adam.
4. I would echo what Aaron Adams and Dice have spoken. I suggest that you back off and watch what happens. If they break up, then step foward and express your feelings about this whole situation. Do this in a timely manner.
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I second the above advice, nice post Lightknight
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As a female, I completely agree with Dice. Nicely put.
Answer:
Club her and take her back to your cave.(Women arent property.)