Question:
I was in a relationship with a girl three years older than myself (age 18). We attended the same Christian fellowship on our university campus and what was originally just a big sister/younger brother kind of relationship turned into an intimate relationship. We made some “mistakes” and went through a lot of hardships and pain while going through the relationship but I was always hopeful that our sacrifices would be worthwhile in the end. When summer came along, we had only been officially going out for two months. I went back to my hometown and was prepared for a long distance relationship.
But God seemed to have different plans for us and sent me halfway across the world to Korea for a year to learn the language and get to know my parents’ heritage. We discussed that that pretty much made a long distance relationship unrealistic and that we probably weren’t ready to be in a relationship. After much discussion we decided to break it off, unfortunately leading to more pain.
I hoped to still be friends afterwards but that prospect seems to be slim, after all the pain we caused each other.
I want to ask this: Is it even possible to be friends after a relationship that went badly? Must I just accept that I’ll have to lose an awesome friend because of mistakes we’ve made or is there that possibility that we can truly forgive each other?
Is there a Godly way of breaking up?
If you have any advice for me, I’d greatly appreciate it.
Answer:
Is it possible,
Yes.
Staying friends is hard after a messy breakup but i"m refering to the forgiving each other part. That is much more likely and easier to do than to remian friends. We are called to forgive others that tresspass agaisnt us, this is the first step to reconcilation. Whether or not you choose to remain friends is up to you guys but I recomend working on forgiveing each other first.
Answer:
The only advice that I have is that you should wait until you're fully over her and the wounds have healed before becoming friends again with her. Otherwise you'll either not get over her fully or that old wounds could be reopened.
It's easier said than done. After being with my ex for 5 years where we were the best of friends, there's still a lot of temptation to talk to her despite the fact i'm not over her yet.
Answer:
Thank you for your comments. They were greatly appreciated
I realize that in trying to contact my ex-girlfriend that I may be doing it for reasons other than for forgiveness. I can fool myself sometimes into thinking that I'm doing this to close old wounds when I could be doing this to try and get back to that intimacy that eludes me nowadays. I don't want to be in that situation but I also feel like I should do something.
Would it be unwise to send an honest email on forgiving each other and maybe leave it at that? I think that would give us more comfort than not doing anything.
What do you think?
Answer:
I hear you, after I broke up with my first girlfriend ever I missed the itimacy terribly and it was so hard to get over, until I talked to a great Christian friend and relized that I didn't need her to be happy if I focused on serving God.
We aren't really friend's anymore, kind of like aquantices, I prefer it that way because it keeps things from getting akward or too close again. Sometimes we just have to learn to let go and put the past behind us.
Good luck.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Milisha The only advice that I have is that you should wait until you're fully over her and the wounds have healed before becoming friends again with her. Otherwise you'll either not get over her fully or that old wounds could be reopened.
That sums up the entire situation...
Answer:
Thanks for your comments. It's good to have the advice of my fellow brothers and sisters on this, especially since I'm not really part of a church here yet.
I'll try and move on with life with God's help. Too much nostalgia and would-have-could-have thoughts aren't the healthiest things for growing. If there's anything that you wish to say that you feel would help or encourage, please do.
Pray for me please. I'd really appreciate it
Answer:
It seems that boys are more intersted in daiting issues around here... funny, here it's different
Well... it's true... I think you should wait until you get over the most hard wonds...it can take a while... at least a few months I think. It's not god for bouth of you to be friends just after breaking up... otherwise you could start daiting again just because you can't stand beeing just friends!
Answer:
Originally Posted by torontostudent7 I was in a relationship with a girl three years older than myself (age 18). We attended the same Christian fellowship on our university campus and what was originally just a big sister/younger brother kind of relationship turned into an intimate relationship. We made some “mistakes” and went through a lot of hardships and pain while going through the relationship but I was always hopeful that our sacrifices would be worthwhile in the end. When summer came along, we had only been officially going out for two months. I went back to my hometown and was prepared for a long distance relationship.
But God seemed to have different plans for us and sent me halfway across the world to Korea for a year to learn the language and get to know my parents’ heritage. We discussed that that pretty much made a long distance relationship unrealistic and that we probably weren’t ready to be in a relationship. After much discussion we decided to break it off, unfortunately leading to more pain.
I hoped to still be friends afterwards but that prospect seems to be slim, after all the pain we caused each other.
I want to ask this: Is it even possible to be friends after a relationship that went badly? Must I just accept that I’ll have to lose an awesome friend because of mistakes we’ve made or is there that possibility that we can truly forgive each other?
Is there a Godly way of breaking up?
If you have any advice for me, I’d greatly appreciate it.
Breakups suck, don't they? I just went through one myself that sounds a lot like yours. The only difference is, it sounds like you're far away from her physically. Lucky you. I still work with my ex at the same job, and hang out with the same people as he does. I see him a lot, and that makes it really hard. The best thing you can do is just focus on God. nothing is a bigger turn off than hearing someone you're trying to get over say "We need to talk about 'us' " It just gets annoying. Do your best to get over it, pray a lot, and if God wants you to be friends, He'll make it happen. Trust Him.
Answer:
Hey guys, it's me again.
I have a few more questions related to this issue.
I've been trying to get on with life and all that but have been finding it really tough. I always find myself thinking in the past and thinking about her and how I should contact her even though I know it won't help. I get these feelings that I'm not worthy of loving and worthy of being loved because of this whole thing and the guilt becomes too much sometimes. I have caused us both a lot of pain because of "love" and it still lingers about. Being lonely in a nation half way around the world from home doesn't help either.
It's been pretty detrimental to my relationship with God so here are my questions:
- How do I get over her?
- I don't want to think that all this was a mistake but it feels like it sometimes. Should I think of it as that?
- Is there even a way to date without all this hurt happening and still feel "loved" (whatever that means)?
- *** is love?
- How do I get back on the right track with God if all of this is keeping me from doing so?
- Plus many more questions I'll probably think of later.
Sorry to be a burden.
Answer:
Originally Posted by torontostudent7
- How do I get over her?
- I don't want to think that all this was a mistake but it feels like it sometimes. Should I think of it as that?
- Is there even a way to date without all this hurt happening and still feel "loved" (whatever that means)?
- *** is love?
- How do I get back on the right track with God if all of this is keeping me from doing so?
- Plus many more questions I'll probably think of later.
Sorry to be a burden. cheryl crowe has a good song.."first cut is the deepest" you know i dated a guy at my church and wasnt really over him for 3 years until i met the man im engaged to now. love ...i think read in corithians ch.13. love is god, god is love. yes there is a way to date with out being heartbroken. but with prayer..I will be praying for you..pray pray pray maybe god is letting you go through this for a reason. I know if i didnt go through what i did with my ex i wouldnt appreciate all that my david is now
Answer:
Originally Posted by Tiffany82 yes there is a way to date with out being heartbroken. yeah, turn your heart to stone. [/cynical]