Question:
so i've always been one to avoid drama. not always intentionally, but sometimes on purpose. now i'm stuck with these decisions that are going to hurt people, and it's because of drama that i'm involved in. i have two really good friends...both of them happen to be female. they are probably two of my closest friends...and i love them to death, and hold them very dear to me. the only problem is, i've kind of fallen for both of them at the same time. i've had a thing for one of them for a long long time, and the other is just recent. after i had fallen for the second one, i had kissed the first one. i felt like i cheated on the other, because i didn't tell. now i'm kind of stuck...because the one that i didn't kiss said she liked me, and then the one that i did said she does, too. i've also vowed to myself that i would not date in high school...probably because of these exact reasons. close to it, anyways. the one that i kissed has had a long history of being hurt by guys...that's a whole nother story, and those hurtful situations have nothing to do with relationships...just getting hurt. she has basically told me that she has no trust in me whatsoever anymore, but she'd still talk to me. the other one kind of doesn't know about anything that has gone on, other than the fact that i told her that i kissed the other. the worst part of this whole thing is that i'm really kind of apathetic towards it...just because i've always been like that. all of this just seems like high school drama to me, and i want to avoid it. the only problem is if i do that, it will really hurt some people. what should i do? should i just take it like it is, and understand that somebody's going to get hurt? or is there something i can do to make this all work out in the end, without anybody getting hurt?
Answer:
Originally Posted by Almost Enough so i've always been one to avoid drama. not always intentionally, but sometimes on purpose. now i'm stuck with these decisions that are going to hurt people, and it's because of drama that i'm involved in. i have two really good friends...both of them happen to be female. they are probably two of my closest friends...and i love them to death, and hold them very dear to me. the only problem is, i've kind of fallen for both of them at the same time. i've had a thing for one of them for a long long time, and the other is just recent. after i had fallen for the second one, i had kissed the first one. i felt like i cheated on the other, because i didn't tell. now i'm kind of stuck...because the one that i didn't kiss said she liked me, and then the one that i did said she does, too. i've also vowed to myself that i would not date in high school...probably because of these exact reasons. close to it, anyways. the one that i kissed has had a long history of being hurt by guys...that's a whole nother story, and those hurtful situations have nothing to do with relationships...just getting hurt. she has basically told me that she has no trust in me whatsoever anymore, but she'd still talk to me. the other one kind of doesn't know about anything that has gone on, other than the fact that i told her that i kissed the other. the worst part of this whole thing is that i'm really kind of apathetic towards it...just because i've always been like that. all of this just seems like high school drama to me, and i want to avoid it. the only problem is if i do that, it will really hurt some people. what should i do? should i just take it like it is, and understand that somebody's going to get hurt? or is there something i can do to make this all work out in the end, without anybody getting hurt?
First things first...
some people will get hurt.
You do not truly LOVE two people in that sense at the same time. It sounds like its already been blown open and you told both about each other. If so, try to patch things up as best as you can and learn not to act on every feeling and impulse.
Secondly you need to realize that a vow to not date, you already broke that when you are getting into kissing and such. You don't need to be picking her up at 7 for dinner and a movie to be dating.
So if you intend to keep your vow, back up, don't act on your feelings, and try to make amends as friends. And that will be brutally hard, because the boundary with the one girl was pushed to kissing, and boundaries do not like to reverse.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Almost Enough the one that i kissed has had a long history of being hurt by guys...that's a whole nother story, and those hurtful situations have nothing to do with relationships...just getting hurt. she has basically told me that she has no trust in me whatsoever anymore, but she'd still talk to me. I assume because you told her about the other girl? Note: This girl isn't interested in you anymore. She might still like you, if only because you've known each other a long time and there is attachment to you, but if she doesn't trust you she isn't interested. So forget about romance with this girl.
the other one kind of doesn't know about anything that has gone on, other than the fact that i told her that i kissed the other. Ummm... you need to think this through. What is this girl thinking if you tell her how you're kissing this other girl whom you are obviously close with? Can she trust you? If you tell her that you'd like to go out with her you'd have to explain how the other girl isn't interested in you, but then she might think she was your second choice that you're settling for. I think you might have blown it with this girl as well.
the worst part of this whole thing is that i'm really kind of apathetic towards it...just because i've always been like that. all of this just seems like high school drama to me, and i want to avoid it. the only problem is if i do that, it will really hurt some people. what should i do? should i just take it like it is, and understand that somebody's going to get hurt? or is there something i can do to make this all work out in the end, without anybody getting hurt? I pretty much agree with bill...
-Yeah it does seem like someone is going to get hurt, in fact it seems like someone already did, you're probably just going to have to live with that.
-Why are you even considering these things if you didn't want to get involved with anyone in highschool? Did you mean you didn't want to unless a girl said she likes you?
-You need to control your actions, then maybe after you learn this skill you will learn to control your feelings (it is possible)
-Back things up, quite literally. There is a sort of proximity rule when trying to stifle romance, more space = less emotional fuel. The more you see their pretty face, the more you hear their cute voice, the more personal memories of them you make, the more there is any sort of touching going on, the harder it will be.
-Be honest about your shortcomings. Acting like you have it all together when you don't doesn't help anything. The fact is that you are very emotionally confused and so you don't feel as though you should be involved with anyone, you need to be honest with them about that. But also don't be affraid to be honest about your willingness to be friends and yet ignorance as to how to properly be friends while harboring these feelings.
-Don't busy your mind with theories or hypothetical situations about how to fix this. Rather, view things as they truly are and act in good character, however that works out is what you brought on yourself. Sometimes we make mistakes, but we need not compound them by becoming manipulative.
Women are very relational, intimate beings, and if you're not used to it you may not know how to be close friends without falling in love because you're not used to sharing the kind of things girls naturally bring out of you. Think of how a father sees his daughter, how a brother sees his sister, you recognize and appreciate all the same wonderful things and it's beautiful but it's not romantic. With some concentration you can direct your heart to appreciate them in such a way, but in the meantime you may want to be a little more casual about your friendship.
Here, I wrote something on love that might be helpful to you in learning to guard your heart. It's not so much about building walls between you and others as it is guarding yourself from lies about love. The same Spirit that bears the fruit of love also brings self control, and they do go together.
Answer:
Wow, thats a really sticky situation.

Pick up the other girl you havn't kissed, kiss her and call it even.
Just kidding!
I'd stick with what Bill said, try to make amends as friends as best you can. How old are you guys? If you be up front about your vow to them that might help as well.