Question:
OK, i believe in non-conformity adn i am a christian so i dont look like everyone else. This girl who thunks she is the best christian i nschool, adn she very well might be i dont know. Heres the thing she treats me like crud cause she doesnt think i am a christian because i dont look like everyone else like she does. i am perfectly fine with how i loook and i think i have a good realtionship with God.
Here is my question, should i change????
Please help and God Bless
Answer:
In other words, you're a "goth" or a "punk" and she's a "prep" and the two of you have a superficial spat as a result of the fact that both of you depend upon your attire for your identity?
Non-conformity is not about the way you look. It's about the way you live. They'll know we are Christians by our love, not by our labels. You're not more or less of a Christian because you "don't look like everyone else," and she's no more or less of a Christian because she does "look like everyone else." I know you probably don't think you're playing the same games that she is (in treating the way you look as an indicator of your spirituality), but it really seems as though you are. She, according to you, thinks that you're not a Christian because you look different; but, you, according to your own words, "don't look like everyone else" just because you're a Christian. Neither is a correct assessment of the situation or of either your or her spiritual condition.
It's unlikely that this girl really thinks she is the best Christian at school or really thinks that you aren't a Christian because you don't "look like everyone else like she does." Unless she's explicitly stated such, you're probably just inferring things from the fact that you and her, as I said earlier, have this whole spat thing going on.
My advice: Don't change to please anyone, but don't rely on the "non-conformity" of your attire for your identity, either. Let your identity be Christ and His love made manifest in and through your life.
In His love,
Nate
Answer:
Originally Posted by Nate It's unlikely that this really thinks she is the best Christian at school or really thinks that you aren't a Christian because you don't "look like everyone else like she does." Unless she's explicitly stated such, you're probably just inferring things from the fact that you and her, as I said earlier, have this whole spat thing going on.
I agree. I find this quote very insightful, and I think in this case it could be quite helpful.

"A man who lies to himself is often the first to take offense. It sometimes feels very good to take offense, doesn't it? And surely he knows that no one has offended him, and that he himself has invented the offense and told lies just for the beauty of it, that he has exaggerated for the sake of effect, that he has picked on a word and made a mountain out of a pea - he knows all of that, and still he is the first to take offense, he likes feeling offended, it gives him great pleasure, and thus he reaches the point of real hostility."

-Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
Answer:
Maybe i didnt explain it well. I do not treat her differetnly i treat everyone in school wiht love the same love the love that god gave me to give. I dont as you say have a "spat" with her. and yes she has flat out said that hse is the most christlike person in our school.
Answer:
Still, my "My advice:" paragraph from above can still apply, I think.
In His love,
Nate
Answer:
and no i didnt make this up adn i actually DONT like feeling offended everyone at my school hhas seen this problem and confronted me anout how i am gonna defend myself but i simply dont because i dont fell that, that is the answer
Answer:
No, you don't need to defend yourself. It seems like you're doing alright handling it. I'm not sure what you really need advice with.
Still, the bit about finding identity / personality from the way you look is disturbing to me. If you haven't already, I'd recommend reading the last part of C. S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity." It's the set of chapters entitled "Beyond Personality" or something to that effect. The last chapter of the book is particularly great, and I think you'd get a lot from it. It's all about non-conformity in the context of the Christian life, basically.
In His love,
Nate
Answer:
Thank you, i was just reading through this thread and i hope i didnt soudn rude i was jjujst trying to get the facts out!!!!
Sorry adn God Bless
If you have any other advice that you feel you would like to talk to me one on one my msn is sept_27_1990@hotmail.com
also feel free to pm me
Answer:
Originally Posted by rocker_chick and no i didnt make this up adn i actually DONT like feeling offended everyone at my school hhas seen this problem and confronted me anout how i am gonna defend myself but i simply dont because i dont fell that, that is the answer
Don't worry, I wasn't trying to accuse you of that, although I'm sure that it is true because, although we won't admit it, it is something that we have all been guilty of at one time or another. It's one of those ugly realizations that isn't exactly nice to know, but can help change your perspective and focus you on what you can do to fix the problem, if indeed the problem is something you have manufactured.

I second Nate's suggestion that you read Mere Christianity.
Answer:
Thanx guys, i truly appreciate it God Bless, also feel free to talk to me about anything
Answer:
I think you should be yourself. I think there's a point to where we need to limit or control ourselves though. If you like to dress "punk" or "goth" there's nothing wrong with it, but if you're wearing tow chains around your neck and have foot-long spikes in your mohawk, well that may come off as a bit too extreme. I'm obviously exaggerating, but the point is, if you need to tone something down, you can do so without ceasing to be yourself. Make sense?
Answer:
right, and i have never been to "wild" like i just dont like pink as much as some others and i dont have "long hair" some people fell like they can talk to me and EVERYONE knows i am a christian