Question:
After debating about whether or not to post this problem, i figured i might as well try and get some form of advice just to see if someone has something to help me. I'm going to try and make this as summarized as possible, but informative enough that you know what's going on. Ok, i have more or less 3 best friends. For refferences later, names are Christina, Chris and Cori. These are like my brothers and sister, i'm extremely close with all of them. The past couple weeks cori and i have had some issues, but they've now been sorted out. Lately cori has been going through a really tough time (he and his 'girl interest' were seperated because his mom didn't like the relationship they were getting into, she thought they were trouble-and they were) needless to say, he's very upset; but getting better. Christina is going through issues herself with school and things, and chris is more a protective older brother so we don't usually talk about our life situations unless we're in person, which is only on friday nights.
So here's my advice situation: I've been a shoulder for Christina and Cori these past couple weeks, and don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining, i love them VERY much, and i want to know what's going on in their life, and i want them to come to me when they're upset. But i've been having a rough time myself with a few things; and it just feels like everything is piling up, and i don't want to bother them with it because they're going through these tough times themselves. And it seems the same way with anyone else i want to talk to about it...i just don't want them to have to listen to me go on about my life when they're hurting too, ya know? I tried to write things down, to just try and get it out of my system, and i've written songs too, but it only dulls the pain for a while. I've prayed about this a lot too, and talked to God about it, but i just can't seem to find a solution to this, and i'm tired of crying in my car on the way home from youth group because i'm alone again and the situations are still there.
I'm sorry this is long...i guess i'm too detailed or something, but ANY advice would be REALLY appriciated. Thanks guys/girls.
Answer:
Firstly are these friends of yours christians? I ask this because its important that who you choose to talk to about stuff are in a strong relationship with God and are able to provide biblical wisdom as well as prayer and support for you. Anyway, moving on...
sometimes friends will do this and it can get hard when you have your own probs as well. If you are feeling the pressure, its probably because you arent getting your own needs satisfied in the friendship. This makes it even harder for you to then have to carry everyone else's burdens on top of your own.
My advice, talk to someone about your issues. Someone you trust and that is a mature and understanding Christian. This doesnt have to be a friend your age, it can be a mentor, a pastor, your parents or your older brothers or sisters etc. These people care for you too and I bet would be happy to listen to you and pray for you.
Alternatively, just let your friends know that you are having a bit of a rough time at the moment, and even though you'd love to help them, you find find it hard. They might then become a little less egocentric about their own needs and actually ask you whats up for a change. Im reminded of that passage that says that we should carry each other's burdens, so if these friends of yours are christians, it would be good if you could all look out for each other.
Hope this helps, with love and God bless. JW.
Answer:
Oh yes, they're all christians. Thank you for your help. I mean, i know that i should talk to them, your right. It's just hard. Any more advice appreciated.
Answer:
As far as starting to talk to your friends goes, maybe you could try bringing the topic up very gradually. For example, if you regularly ask one another how you're doing, you might consider answering something like "Kinda tired/stressed, I've got a lot going on right now," or even bring it up separately if/when you can just as a brief mention. Maybe also spend some time on it if it ties in with things you normally would recount about your day. It is hard to get into and might feel forced, but hopefully should get easier with time. There's nothing wrong with you seeking support from your friends even as they do so from you; that is what friendship is for.
Hope this helps and that you can find a way of communicating what you need to to your friends.