Question:
So.. i'm even kind of embarassed to start this thread.. but its been bugging me.
i have a problem with jealousy. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year.. and he is a really great guy. He treats me like a princess and has never given me a reason to think that he would ever cheat on me.. and i know he wouldn't. But, that being said, i still seem to have a jealousy problem. Like i said, its not like i think he's gonna go out and cheat on me, i just can't help but get super envious and jealous when he talks about another girl or i know he's with other girls.. even though i KNOW that they are only friends, i can't help it. I get angry with myself because i KNOW i shouldn't be like this, but it still bothers me. Due to past experiences, i have a trust issue.. and its not that i don't trust him.. its just that i can't seem to.. just let it go and trust him fully in that area... and i feel aweful about that.. because its not his problem, b/c like i said.. he's never given me any reason to think that he would do anything disrespectful towards me..and hes SO awesome to me.. it seems to totally be something with me. So i was hoping for some advice on how to not be jealous, and just trust already.. cause i feel like a big jerk. I trust him enough to tell him any sort of... big personal thing.. which i have.. we are best friends.. but it just seems to be this one thing, and he doesn't deserve that.
Answer:
I think the best thing you can do is to realize that jealousy is not a product, but a counter-agent of love.
What I mean is this:
A lot of times we try to justify our feelings of envy or jealousy by telling ourselves it's because we love the person so much that we want all of their attention and all of their time. The problem with this is that Scripture clearly says (in the infamous 1 Cor. 13 passage) that love does not envy. It is not because of any overflow or greatness of love that we become jealous or envious, but because of a lack or defect of love. Yes, I know that's tough to hear, but it's solid Scriptural truth as far as I can tell.
I've had my fair share of struggles with jealousy, and I usually react poorly when given a situation in which I can show jealousy or love. I think that has helped me most is to realize that showing jealousy is, by default, not showing love to a person. When I am jealous of time my girlfriend spends with other guys or of things she says about other guys, I am, according to Scripture, not acting out of love to her.
Let your love for Micah be the thing that helps you overcome your envy and jealousy. Realize that your love for him should cause you not to be envious or jealous rather than to be envious or jealous. When you set aside your feelings of envy or jealousy, that is when you are truly loving him.
I think that's about all I can come up with to say. Hope it helps or something.

In His love,
Nate
Answer:
This is a little tough to give you advice on what to do...
I've gone through the same thing. I was cheated on in a past relationship, and the beginning of my current relationship left me with a whole lot of insecurity in the relationship...(I need a thesaurus so I can find another word other than relationship)...
Basically, I just spent a lot of time in prayer and reading of God's word. I tried to key in on certain things that she said that just totally helped me out in the relationship. When you get to the point where you fully trust them, it really helps.
I dunno if any of that makes sense...but know you shouldn't feel like a jerk for the way you feel. You were hurt in the past and it still lingers...time helps....
Answer:
Thanks guys,
good things to hear.. i really appreciate the help
Answer:
jealousy (in my opinion) stems from insecurity within the person ... and it's hard to control not being jealous.. the thing to do is be open with him whenever you get uncomfortable about him talking to other girls or whatever it is that triggers your jealousy... him knowing about it will make things easier, coz you two can talk it out and he can assure you... and also, keep praying for your relationship.. whenever you get jealous, tell God about it and ask Him to take the feeling away or to ease your mind, or calm your heart.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Praisey jealousy (in my opinion) stems from insecurity within the person While I believe that jealousy often stems from insecurity, I think sometimes it's just downright selfishness. "He should be spending that time with me!" That sort of thing--wanting all of someone's time/energy/devotion for yourself.
Answer:
Originally Posted by bobthecockroach While I believe that jealousy often stems from insecurity, I think sometimes it's just downright selfishness. "He should be spending that time with me!" That sort of thing--wanting all of someone's time/energy/devotion for yourself.
Very good point there, but I think the jealousy she is facing isn't necessarily wanting all of the time, but instead living in fear that he might change his feelings for her to another girl...
At least that's what I'm reading
Answer:
yeah that's exactly it...
im insecure pretty much due to things that happend... i duno.. 2 years ago.. not JUST from that one incident.. b/c every person is insecure to some extent.. but thats why i think im jealous is insecurity... im always afraid that im not good enough kind of thing you know..
so i think its just a problem that i have to fix between me and God.
truth be told, i've come a long way from the way i was when we first started dating to now.. so maybe this is just another obstacle i have to get over.. and i have started to.. it just something that will always be in the back of my mind.. is it possible to not?
Answer:
Originally Posted by [littlenicoley] yeah that's exactly it...
im insecure pretty much due to things that happend... i duno.. 2 years ago.. not JUST from that one incident.. b/c every person is insecure to some extent.. but thats why i think im jealous is insecurity... im always afraid that im not good enough kind of thing you know..
so i think its just a problem that i have to fix between me and God.
truth be told, i've come a long way from the way i was when we first started dating to now.. so maybe this is just another obstacle i have to get over.. and i have started to.. it just something that will always be in the back of my mind.. is it possible to not? I know somewhat your position where you say its an obstical you need to get over, I went from a long distance relationship where i was dumped because the girl I dated for a year and a half liked somone else. I am currently in another long distance relationship and have been for almost 6 months and i was very insecure about her with other guys at first but now its not a big problem for me.
Answer:
I think it's great that you recognized and are trying to fix the situation... I was in a relationship where she swore she trusted me but grilled me over the stupidest, littlest things, such as when I would say "we need to pray for *insert female name* because *insert general prayer need*" she would jump my case and say something like... "why? do you LIKE her or something?" and she always assumed I was falling in love with her best friends... it just is something that isn't commonly recognized until it's too late to save the relationship and I think that since you've spotted it, you are a very perceptive person. I think at this point all you can really do is pray, and know that there will be others praying for you as well!