Question:
Ok I donthave very many guys friends(i'm A woman just to let everyone know). And the one guy friend that I do know is a really good friend. The strange thing is we talk at church and e mail each other during the week but thats it. We dont hang out with each other or anything. But I never thought about dating him seriously until now. I have like him but God has told me not to date him. But after some serious fasting and praying I believe that God will be opening the door to a more serious freindship that could lead possibly to dating. I am having a 30th birthday party on Memorial day weekend and I called him fro the first time and invited him...I just can only hope that he feels that God is leading him to hang out with me and get alot closer with me too. The thing is God has brought his ex girlfriend from his high school days back into his life. And he asked me to pray fro discernment about their realtionship. Also he used to date a friend of mine. But she told me that I could not date him. Since the realstionship was bad and the break up painful. But I feel that God is going to be moving in our hearts soon and bring he and I together. So how do I tell my friend that I could be dating her ex without
hurting her or jeopardizing the friendship?
Answer:
Originally Posted by magsepi Ok I donthave very many guys friends(i'm A woman just to let everyone know). And the one guy friend that I do know is a really good friend. The strange thing is we talk at church and e mail each other during the week but thats it. We dont hang out with each other or anything. But I never thought about dating him seriously until now. I have like him but God has told me not to date him. But after some serious fasting and praying I believe that God will be opening the door to a more serious freindship that could lead possibly to dating. I am having a 30th birthday party on Memorial day weekend and I called him fro the first time and invited him...I just can only hope that he feels that God is leading him to hang out with me and get alot closer with me too. The thing is God has brought his ex girlfriend from his high school days back into his life. And he asked me to pray fro discernment about their realtionship. Also he used to date a friend of mine. But she told me that I could not date him. Since the realstionship was bad and the break up painful. But I feel that God is going to be moving in our hearts soon and bring he and I together. So how do I tell my friend that I could be dating her ex without
hurting her or jeopardizing the friendship?
Be very careful with what you attribute to God's will and what are really your own feelings ... That is all I can say. How do you know God is leading you two together? That is a very bold and powerful thing for you to say. How do you know what God's will is? especially as you say "God has brought his ex-gf back into the picture".
Personally I think that alot of what you said is based upon hopes & feelings and not so much on what God's will is... otherwise you wouldnt be so confused and asking for advice.
That being said, it is good that you are looking to God through all of this, and remember that God will work all things for His good. If you have feelings for this guy then there is no reason why you cant date him and get to know him batter. That is quite harmless, and can be healthy for you to know what you really want in a relationship.
...How long ago did this friend of yours break up with him? how long did they date? Why was it a bad relationship? Just some questions that might help us give better advice...
My advice is that you should be honest and tell the girl friend truthfully and respectfully that you are interested and want to know him better, before anything actually happens. You are all just friends at the moment and there is nothing wrong with getting closer to him as a friend. Just let things happen naturally and dont worry about it too much, all the while keeping your focus on your relationship with God, which is most important. Things have a way of working themselves out when you give over your problems to God and dont worry about them.
Also, be careful that you arent confusing God's will with your own feelings and infatuations. It is dangerous for you to say these things, especially to other people involved who may feel God is saying differently. However, if you continue to focus on God and dont let these feelings cloud you, then its harmless for you to get to know this guy friend more.
Answer:
I second that caution. About deciding what God's will is. It's always good to seek God on every issue in your life, but if you convince yourself that God wants you two to be together, things could get ugly if you're not meant to be together. You could get angry at God, wander if you screwed up, possibly hold on to false hope too long, and a whole slew of other emotionally messy junk. I know this from a bad experience when I was younger and even stupider than I am now.
Answer:
First of all.
Originally Posted by magsepi I have like[d] him but God has told me not to date him. No. He didn't.
Furthermore, please don't attribute your feelings to God. That is breaking the third commandment (and also a really unwise idea, because it's a sure-fire way to justify a really stupid decision).
OK, that said...
Originally Posted by magsepi But after some serious fasting and praying I believe that God will be opening the door to a more serious freindship that could lead possibly to dating. I am having a 30th birthday party on Memorial day weekend and I called him fro the first time and invited him...I just can only hope that he feels that God is leading him to hang out with me and get alot closer with me too. The thing is God has brought his ex girlfriend from his high school days back into his life. And he asked me to pray fro discernment about their realtionship. Also he used to date a friend of mine. But she told me that I could not date him. Since the realstionship was bad and the break up painful. But I feel that God is going to be moving in our hearts soon and bring he and I together. So how do I tell my friend that I could be dating her ex without
hurting her or jeopardizing the friendship? The first issue that should be addressed here is that it's your decision whether to date this guy or not--God will not tell you to date him or not to date him. You are charged with making that decision wisely (Proverbs...all of it).
Now, let's address the correct question--namely, is it wise to go after this guy? Going solely by what you have said in your post (which I'm sure is a reductionistic version of the actual situation because that's unavoidable in a post that short), I think that pursuing a romantic relationship with this guy is probably foolish.
1. It will alienate one of your friends.
2. The guy probably is more interested in dating his ex again. You aren't on his radar.
If you think that my analysis of the situation is wrong, then please provide the additional information that I am missing.