Question:
ok, u all know me as the girl who has dated the 18 year old and stuff, well i have a new chapter to add, ok, i have a lot of problems that i just cant seem to make go away,
1- i have the reputation at school of being a whore, just cause ive made out with almost all the guys i hang out with, i know bad little me, well i want that to go away, i want guys to stop grabbing me and i want them to just leave me alone and stop asking me to do stuff for them. i know it is my fault that this hapened, but i want them to stop. they r real cool, but they are all horney.
2- i think im bisexual and i dont know if i am or not and it makes me mad to be so confussed.
3- im constantly depressed and lonely and i seclude myself from my friends. i have no self-esteem and i think so little of myself. i think im so ugly and that i dont matter.
4- it has been 1 year 1 month and 16 days since i last cut myself, not that im counting, but lately i have just wanted to slit my wrist and watch the blood pour out. i even tried killing myself twice, once the razor wasnt sharp enough to actually hit the vain and the other time, i fainted before i ran out of air, lately i started gauging my ears out just to feel the pain but the only thing that stops me from really cutting myself again is the fact that it has been 1 year, 1 month and 16 days since i last did it.
5- i really really need to talk to someone about these feelings and im too scared to ask to talk to someone cause im afraid of i have no clue. i know it is unsafe to keep all these feelings bottled up, but i just dont know how to go up to someone and ask, can you help me fix my life. then i think, some people just dont want to get involved, and i dont blame them, i wouldnt want to get involved in my life eather, id like to just get a new life, if that were posible cuase mine sucks. the only person who i actually feel i can trust is moving in a month and i really dont want him to leave.
anyways, this has been a novel, but i just would really like some advice on anything, but expecially number 5 cause if i could get my youth paster to talk to me about this i could hopefully work out the other problems.
Kate
Answer:
I'm afraid I can't help you. But God can! God will forgive you for doing the things that you've done, if you ask him to
I will pray for you, and you need to know this: Don't care about what other people say to you. The thing that matters is that Jesus loves you. And when he loves you, who can then be against you?? I know it's difficult to not care about all the words, because I don't have any friends at the place where I live, and they are really mean to me. But I've got God. And I know my life is gonna get better. And so is yours!! Don't be afraid to talk to people!
Feel free to PM me!!! You're in my prayers.
God bless
Answer:
Originally Posted by punkrockergirl ok, u all know me as the girl who has dated the 18 year old and stuff, well i have a new chapter to add, ok, i have a lot of problems that i just cant seem to make go away,
1- i have the reputation at school of being a whore, just cause ive made out with almost all the guys i hang out with, i know bad little me, well i want that to go away, i want guys to stop grabbing me and i want them to just leave me alone and stop asking me to do stuff for them. i know it is my fault that this hapened, but i want them to stop. they r real cool, but they are all horney.
2- i think im bisexual and i dont know if i am or not and it makes me mad to be so confussed.
3- im constantly depressed and lonely and i seclude myself from my friends. i have no self-esteem and i think so little of myself. i think im so ugly and that i dont matter.
4- it has been 1 year 1 month and 16 days since i last cut myself, not that im counting, but lately i have just wanted to slit my wrist and watch the blood pour out. i even tried killing myself twice, once the razor wasnt sharp enough to actually hit the vain and the other time, i fainted before i ran out of air, lately i started gauging my ears out just to feel the pain but the only thing that stops me from really cutting myself again is the fact that it has been 1 year, 1 month and 16 days since i last did it.
5- i really really need to talk to someone about these feelings and im too scared to ask to talk to someone cause im afraid of i have no clue. i know it is unsafe to keep all these feelings bottled up, but i just dont know how to go up to someone and ask, can you help me fix my life. then i think, some people just dont want to get involved, and i dont blame them, i wouldnt want to get involved in my life eather, id like to just get a new life, if that were posible cuase mine sucks. the only person who i actually feel i can trust is moving in a month and i really dont want him to leave.
anyways, this has been a novel, but i just would really like some advice on anything, but expecially number 5 cause if i could get my youth paster to talk to me about this i could hopefully work out the other problems.
Kate
1) If you want a better reputation... You have to resist sexual temptation. Earning a new reputation takes time. Trust me, I know that, as 6-7 years have gone by since God really changed my life from a very violent, threatening person. My parents do not trust me yet, even though I am of pretty high reputation at school and work... Those people from my past will always view me as the menace I once was. Which brings me to point 2 in this part. Quit hanging around guys who ask for sexual favors. You were not clear whether you had done more than make out with these guys, but really, they view you as easy, and it sounds like rightfully so. Want to change this? Get away from them. I had to ditch the closest friends I ever had for a biblical lifestyle. It sucks, it hurts, but it is necessarry.At this point you should probably report any guys who grab you for sexual harrasment, and just not take crap.
2) You need to realize bisexuality is a temptaion, not a defining charachteristic. Deal with all sexual temptations the same at this point, don't give in an inch. You are not required to be bisexual. Biblically you are commanded not to be. Most every guy is tempted toward adultery, but that is no excuse. Treat this like a sin, and do not give it any place in your life. Reccomendation would be to go sexually cold turkey, to the point of no kissing anybody for some time. As long as you feed the fires, they will burn
(Side note: It seems like the sexual has become far too powerful in your life and I would bet is the source of a lot of the following problems in a guilt-depression-who gives a crap, so I do this anyway because it temporarily makes me feel of value or happy-guilt, depression... spiral.)
3-5 We could try to help, but I would strongly reccomend counseling from a good Christian counselor. Since sexuality is so prominent a problem here, the Christianity of the counselor is critical.
Answer:
Originally Posted by punkrockergirl ok, u all know me as the girl who has dated the 18 year old and stuff, well i have a new chapter to add, ok, i have a lot of problems that i just cant seem to make go away,
1- i have the reputation at school of being a whore, just cause ive made out with almost all the guys i hang out with, i know bad little me, well i want that to go away, i want guys to stop grabbing me and i want them to just leave me alone and stop asking me to do stuff for them. i know it is my fault that this hapened, but i want them to stop. they r real cool, but they are all horney.
then don't associate with them. Say no and mean it. Resist those feelings of hunger you have that are satisfied when you let yourself behave that way. You may feel needy and wanting and this makes it easier for guys to look at ou as someone who they can behave a certian way with. Stop being that person and slam the door shut in their faces. You don't need that, you're better than it.
2- i think im bisexual and i dont know if i am or not and it makes me mad to be so confussed.
practicaly in my experience all girls are "closer" to each other and feel degrees of attraction to members of the same sex. This doesn't mean their bi-sexual, just more open. Guys are less likely to say "That guy is hot" or feel attracted to other guys based on looks because its homoerotic and they feel uncomfortable. however attraction to the same sex doesn't always mean you're hungry for a relationship of that nature. Just remember how God feels about that and what the Bible says about homosexuality, and resist those feelings.
3- im constantly depressed and lonely and i seclude myself from my friends. i have no self-esteem and i think so little of myself. i think im so ugly and that i dont matter.
This is probably where the gist of your problem lies. Be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Read Ephesians 6. You need to rely on God and know that no matter what others think of you, you are a child of the King and that you're in this with Him and no one else in the end. Feel strong and confident knowing that you have the hope of salvation and the knowledge of the gospel. Pray and draw closer to God and seek after his comforting, and find peace in His spirit.
4- it has been 1 year 1 month and 16 days since i last cut myself, not that im counting, but lately i have just wanted to slit my wrist and watch the blood pour out. i even tried killing myself twice, once the razor wasnt sharp enough to actually hit the vain and the other time, i fainted before i ran out of air, lately i started gauging my ears out just to feel the pain but the only thing that stops me from really cutting myself again is the fact that it has been 1 year, 1 month and 16 days since i last did it.
This one is harder to grasp, but know that things as they are now will only continue as long as you let them. Suicide and self inflicted pain are bottom of the barrel solutions and easy ways out of moving ahead and beyond what you're going through. Once you realize the endless posibilities life has beyond the situation you're in, you'll realize that it is true that you have so much more to live for than the temporal things that concern you right now. The world is a huge place and things are different everywhere. Make some life plans and decide that you're going places, instead of back into self mutilation and depression.
5- i really really need to talk to someone about these feelings and im too scared to ask to talk to someone cause im afraid of i have no clue. i know it is unsafe to keep all these feelings bottled up, but i just dont know how to go up to someone and ask, can you help me fix my life. then i think, some people just dont want to get involved, and i dont blame them, i wouldnt want to get involved in my life eather, id like to just get a new life, if that were posible cuase mine sucks. the only person who i actually feel i can trust is moving in a month and i really dont want him to leave.
Do you have a youth pastor? Talk to them or your pastor. Do you have close friends? If not, make some. That's what friends are for, to share hard times. Don't let your initial fear keep you relying on just yourself and the few people you are lucky to have. All it takes to change your life is a decision by yourself that you wont let the uncomfortable or awkward feelings you get when you try to approach new people or change your additude stop you from becoming who you want to be.
anyways, this has been a novel, but i just would really like some advice on anything, but expecially number 5 cause if i could get my youth paster to talk to me about this i could hopefully work out the other problems.
Kate ]
Kate, pray, and go talk to him. There's nothing to it but to do it.
Answer:
The best advice I could possibly give is to read this:

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq 1) If you want a better reputation... You have to resist ual temptation. Earning a new reputation takes time. Trust me, I know that, as 6-7 years have gone by since God really changed my life from a very violent, threatening person. My parents do not trust me yet, even though I am of pretty high reputation at school and work... Those people from my past will always view me as the menace I once was. Which brings me to point 2 in this part. Quit hanging around guys who ask for ual favors. You were not clear whether you had done more than make out with these guys, but really, they view you as easy, and it sounds like rightfully so. Want to change this? Get away from them. I had to ditch the closest friends I ever had for a biblical lifestyle. It sucks, it hurts, but it is necessarry.At this point you should probably report any guys who grab you for ual harrasment, and just not take crap.
2) You need to realize ity is a temptaion, not a defining charachteristic. Deal with all ual temptations the same at this point, don't give in an inch. You are not required to be . Biblically you are commanded not to be. Most every guy is tempted toward ery, but that is no excuse. Treat this like a sin, and do not give it any place in your life. Reccomendation would be to go sexually cold turkey, to the point of no kissing anybody for some time. As long as you feed the fires, they will burn

(Side note: It seems like the ual has become far too powerful in your life and I would bet is the source of a lot of the following problems in a guilt-depression-who gives a crap, so I do this anyway because it temporarily makes me feel of value or happy-guilt, depression... spiral.)

3-5 We could try to help, but I would strongly reccomend counseling from a good Christian counselor. Since uality is so prominent a problem here, the Christianity of the counselor is critical.
Answer:
Ok, so ive been emailing my youth minister cause it is easyer for me to wirte my problems than tell them, he is bringing in his wife cause she was a feamale teenager like me and stuff, he wants to know about my past and my problems but im scared to tell him that i tried to kill myself twice, i dont wanna scare him off cause i feel like he is actually there for me and isnt just trying to cover his butt until he can get me real help, i just need someone i can call and i can trust that i like, is christian and is nice. my best friend is budist and she is nice to talk to, but id really like a christian woman to talk to but i dont trust any of them, also i am glad to report im trying to fix some stuff, i dont hang with those guys as much, just a couple of them who are not always wanting me to do stuff with them, and also ive tried not cusing as much, but that is hard cause ive done it since i was 12. anways, please keep posting on this forum cause ur support does mean a lot to me.
Kate
Answer:
Originally Posted by punkrockergirl Ok, so ive been emailing my youth minister cause it is easyer for me to wirte my problems than tell them, he is bringing in his wife cause she was a feamale teenager like me and stuff, he wants to know about my past and my problems but im scared to tell him that i tried to kill myself twice, i dont wanna scare him off cause i feel like he is actually there for me and isnt just trying to cover his butt until he can get me real help, i just need someone i can call and i can trust that i like, is christian and is nice. my best friend is budist and she is nice to talk to, but id really like a christian woman to talk to but i dont trust any of them, also i am glad to report im trying to fix some stuff, i dont hang with those guys as much, just a couple of them who are not always wanting me to do stuff with them, and also ive tried not cusing as much, but that is hard cause ive done it since i was 12. anways, please keep posting on this forum cause ur support does mean a lot to me.
Kate
I think its great that your youth pastor's wife is going to get in touch with you. I know how hard it can be to trust someone, but I'd encourage you to just be honest with her about your past. You may find a lot of healing in just confessing your attempted suicides and your relationships with boys--like you said, she was a teenage girl and the things you've been through aren't problems that no one else has ever been through. Chances are your youth pastor's wife will be able to easily relate to you and the things you've done. I know that though I haven't been through the exact things you have, I can relate to the same feelings, even though I expressed them differently (though in some cases I reacted the same, like the making out with lots of boys and fearing I was homosexual.) You aren't alone which is a good thing. Telling these things to a trusted Christian woman (especially if she is older than you and has the hindsight you aren't able to see yet) will do you a lot of good.
I hope you take the chance and trust this woman enough to tell her what you've been going through.
James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
Answer:
I think it is more appropriate that you talk to a fellow chrisitan woman. I'm glad your youth pastor's wife is willing to help.
Answer:
Originally Posted by punkrockergirl Ok, so ive been emailing my youth minister cause it is easyer for me to wirte my problems than tell them, he is bringing in his wife cause she was a feamale teenager like me and stuff, he wants to know about my past and my problems but im scared to tell him that i tried to kill myself twice, i dont wanna scare him off cause i feel like he is actually there for me and isnt just trying to cover his butt until he can get me real help, i just need someone i can call and i can trust that i like, is christian and is nice. my best friend is budist and she is nice to talk to, but id really like a christian woman to talk to but i dont trust any of them, also i am glad to report im trying to fix some stuff, i dont hang with those guys as much, just a couple of them who are not always wanting me to do stuff with them, and also ive tried not cusing as much, but that is hard cause ive done it since i was 12. anways, please keep posting on this forum cause ur support does mean a lot to me.
Kate
The cussing is somewhere way down near the bottom of the pile. In short its a symptom, so put your energies elsewhere. If you take care of the other things, the cussing will reduce on its own.
The fact he is bringing in his wife is good on so many levels. However, sometimes you gotta just take a leap on the trust thing. I know its hard, and I know it hurts, but there are times when you have to just trust someone.
Ill be praying.
Answer:
Wow, I’m so glad you’re getting help and CONGRATULATIONS on not cutting. That’s a huge thing. The reputation will take time, and may never be great, but that’s ok your self-esteem needs to come from you, hence the word self not someone else. Anyway I think in time God will be able to use these experiences for good and the glory of His kingdom and that is one of the coolest things about God. Ok so the guys, well guys are always horney yea that’s right ALLWAYS ALL OF THEM!!! Guys NEVER get enough no matter what you do the guys will still be horney. So that is their problem not yours!! As a matter of fact you help them more by not giving in than you do giving in. If they don’t start they don’t try for the next step although they may keep trying for that first step. Have we got that yet? Every guy in the world is horney the only guy you need to worry about in that department is your HUSBAND and you not married yet.
The other thing, you said you wanted a new life… Well there’s good news in that department!! YOU can have a new life one that’s full of love and compassion, and it comes with a friend that will never ever leave you!! Jesus can make you a new creation just ask and it’s done!! That simple, then start to spend more time with your new best friend. Talk to Him everyday as much as you can and listen to what He says sing songs with Him dance with Him walk with Him and enjoy his company 24x7. You may want to start out with 15 to 20 minuets a day of reading the Bible (that’s the listening part ), if you can’t understand, or the words are too confusing try a couple different versions some easy reading ones are, New Living Translation, and The Good news I really like the New Living Translation . They even have a teenage girl magazine that’s the Bible in a magazine format. I haven’t seen that one but supposedly it’s good for teenage girls. Don’t forget the talking part (prayer) it doesn’t have to be formal or long or complicated at all just literally talk to Jesus!! He will listen remember to talk everyday as long and as often as you wish, you may have to force yourself a little at first but it gets easier. It really is that easy and you CAN have a new life.
Keep up the relationship with your youth pastor and his wife. It would be nice to have some kids your own age who are Christian too as friends, but don’t expect then to be perfect, if they are doing something you feel uncomfortable about then don’t do it, get away from whatever it is. No sense in tempting yourself in unnecessary ways. Stay strong and keep up the good work, seek first the Kingdom of heaven and all these other things will be added unto you…
Peace