Question:
Everyone says your first year of marriage is the hardest (or at any rate, very hard). Does anyone find this to be true? Why do you think this is or isn't true? (Any comments from couples married longer than a year would be best as you can compare the first to subsequent years. But all comments welcome.)
Furthermore, does anyone have any advice to unmarried/engaged people about how this first year can go more smoothly?
Answer:
I wouldn't say that the first year was "hardest" (of course, I've only been married for 2). I would say that it was quite a period of adjustment though. There were so many things to get used to. For me, it was a year of learning. We spent a lot of time talking about things, and just learning more about each other. Living with someone, you find more quirks in them, but you learn to overlook them, or at least how to live with them. I think for me, the biggest adjustment was learning how to share the bed without taking all the sheets or spreading out and leaving him just a sliver to sleep on! I think the whole money thing would have been a shocker too, but we decided to get a joint accout and do that whole thing even before we got married. Coming up on the end of our second year of marriage, there are still things that we are learning about each other (I don't think that ever ends), and new adventures that we are embarking on (we close on a house next month).
As far as advice for the first year goes, talk to each other about everything...you're both going through pretty much the same adjustments, which makes it comforting to know that you're not alone. Communication is the most important thing in marriage. I've heard that from everyone, and I wholeheartedly agree with it. Doing marriage enrichment activities is a great thing too. We went to one of those Family Life conferences shortly after we got married, and it was probably one of the best things we have ever done. Short weekend trips away from everything are fun too!
Well, that's about all I can offer right now...I need to get to work. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to ask...I'll answer to the best of my knowledge.
Answer:
This June 29th will mark my fourteenth year of marriage. I can definitely say that the first couple of years were the roughest. There was a period of awkwardness that came with living with someone for the very first time. There was a certain level of modesty then that I can't even imagine now. We were constantly pushing one another out of our comfort zones and it caused some friction from time to time.

It was also a weird feeling to know that all of your stuff was no loner your stuff. It took a while for me to get that. I was constantly catching myself saying This is yours, that is mine." Needless to say, that isn't a very good way to think. For some it is really difficult to start putting someone else ahead of them, but it is a necessity in marriage. It can be really hard.
Answer:
I have to say I agree with everything already said! I've been married just about a couple months shy of a year and I've found all this to be true. I think the reason that it is said that the first year is the hardest is because of all the adjustment going on during this time which ineviatbly does create conflict from time to time.
Originally Posted by erikavanhuis I think the whole money thing would have been a shocker too, but we decided to get a joint accout and do that whole thing even before we got married. I couldn't agree with this more. The money issue is a huge deal, if you don't think about it and discuss this issue before marriage you will run into trouble during the first year of marriage. It is a learning experience but at the same time you do need to discuss it before hand. Discuss who will be the one to pay the bills, who will be responsible for managing it, and the other person should also be very aware of how to do these things and what is going on with the money. Especially for woman, don't just expect your husband to take all that on his shoulders and never have to worry about it. I made that mistake the first couple months of being married and though we had a nice nest egg I realized my husband was a slightly impulsive spender, especially on electronics so we had to set some boundries. By boundries I mean we decided on a certain amount that we would consult each other before spending and this has been a GREAT THING! I highly recommed doing this, of course groceries are excluded from this.
Communication is the most important thing in marriage. I completely agree here, this applies to everything in marriage. If there is no communication things will fall apart. This is especially important when you're upset with the other, don't ever give a silent treatment that is immature and does not help anyone. A big thing in mine and my husband's marriage is that we never go to bed angry. We will talk it out for hours if we have to and we have. Being open in our communication has helped us grow so much closer during this first year. Doing marriage enrichment activities is a great thing too. We went to one of those Family Life conferences shortly after we got married, and it was probably one of the best things we have ever done. Short weekend trips away from everything are fun too!
I think this is very important before and after marriage. Family Life has a few session for engaged couples as well and they are SO GOOD and so blunt about how it is in marriage. My husband and I went to the conference while we were engaged and we loved it, we got so much out of it. Now we will be going this summer as a married couple and I think we will continue to go every 5 or so years. There are plenty of Christian marriage classes and conferences out there take advantage of those and do premarital classes if you can find them before you get married. You can never prepare enough, but it is so important to do all you can to prepare.

Basically after all those things remember, there will be tough times, you will fight from time to time but if you allow it, this can help you grow and make you closer. Be careful with your expectations, don't expect everyday to be jouyful and flowery because there will be conflict and to many young brides and grooms expect something like in the movies, it is certainly NOT A FAIRYTALE but it can be great and wonderful if you keep Christ first, and even the hard times can be seen this way if you keep Christ first. That is the number one most important thing, KEEP CHRIST FIRST.
Answer:
Chris & I have been married almost 8 months and in that short time, we've had alot to deal with...
It surprised me yesterday when our pastor's wife said that their first year of marriage was extremely difficult. They weren't Christians back then, but it's so hard to envision them as not pastor & his wife.
Answer:
I have been married for 9 months. These past 9 months have been the most exciting, fun, and challenging. We have really had to learn to communicate on so many different levels that we didn't have to before. It's something that you can't prepare for until you live together. You have to fill your heart with love and understanding for each other, and each other's needs. Be senestive to your partner, that it is a huge adjustment, and to be sensetive.

I know that I struggled with home-sickness for the first few months, and some guilt for leaving my family, especially my young siblings. I went through a period of, I guess light depression. This was a strain on our relationship, because I felt really sad a lot of the time. Fortunately, I was able to work this out with my husband, and I realized that I shouldn't feel guilty for moving out. Be willing to talk about anything with your spouse that might be bothering you. Chances are, they are experiencing hard things also, and you would benefit from talking about it.

Two, cut down on as many extra things as possible. Focus on your marriage, and your life together.
Answer:
Yes, year one was the toughest.
The adjustment is difficult, especially for dumb-dumbs like me who were used to having everything his own way.
It gets better every year for me, and I ain't kiddin' !
Answer:
I'll have been married seven years in August. Our first year was fun, carefree and went by very quickly. I don't know to what exactly I would attribute this, but I think the five years preceding our marriage prepared us very well for what was to come.
Answer:
My wonderful wife and I celebrated our 30th anniversary last year, so I'm at 31 years and still going. I have a couple of thoughts.
Any man that loves many women, never loved any of them. Any man that loves just one for life, loved them all.
Your wedding vows are all about you, not your spouse. You divorce for any reason, you break your vows. Your vows were not spoken as dependent on the behavior of your spouse. You made them, only you can break them.
Remove the word divorce from your vocabulary.
It always takes two to make or break a marriage.
Put God at the center of your relationship. If you don't, you have rejected the best marriaage counseling you'll ever get and you are not the genius you think you are.
Make the effort to stay in good shape. Work at being atractive to your mate, or someone else will.
Be faithful in thought, action and example. Keep integrity in your life or you're not the catch you think you are.
Be blessed.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Geezerjohn My wonderful wife and I celebrated our 30th anniversary last year, so I'm at 31 years and still going. I have a couple of thoughts.

Any man that loves many women, never loved any of them. Any man that loves just one for life, loved them all.

Your wedding vows are all about you, not your spouse. You divorce for any reason, you break your vows. Your vows were not spoken as dependent on the behavior of your spouse. You made them, only you can break them.

Remove the word divorce from your vocabulary.

It always takes two to make or break a marriage.

Put God at the center of your relationship. If you don't, you have rejected the best marriaage counseling you'll ever get and you are not the genius you think you are.

Make the effort to stay in good shape. Work at being atractive to your mate, or someone else will.

Be faithful in thought, action and example. Keep integrity in your life or you're not the catch you think you are.

Be blessed.
By far the best advice I have read in a while... especially the keeping in shape part... it's so imporatant to make sure you look after yourself and you look good for your partner. Don't give up on yourself just because you are married now... I hope I keep it up as best I can!
Answer:
Originally Posted by nix By far the best advice I have read in a while... especially the keeping in shape part... it's so imporatant to make sure you look after yourself and you look good for your partner. Don't give up on yourself just because you are married now... I hope I keep it up as best I can! I agree somewhat, we should not let ourselves go just because we're married but at the same time I think this can also be taken to an extreme. I have a few friends who have gained maybe 3 or 4 pounds since they got married and now they are crash dieting because they feel their husband's won't find them as attractive now. I think that is a bit extreme, I mean lets face it, it's pretty expected to gain a few pounds once you get married and especially for woman on the pill. If you get married in your 20's your most likely not going to remain the same in your 40's and striving for that would be ridiculous IMO....unless you don't mind botox or plastic surgery lol.

Just take care of your bodies and stay healthy, but remember marriage is so much more than just the physical.
Answer:
I was talking more about those that totally let themselves go.. just because "they are married now"
Answer:
What? Like me? (I actually weigh less now than on our wedding day...eek!)
Our first year was our most difficult, definately. It didn't seem so bad at the time...but looking back on it, and how marriage taught us just how sinful we were...it was a very difficult time.
Marriage is a great instrument for our sanctification...it teaches us about just how depraved we really are.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Athanasius Marriage is a great instrument for our sanctification...it teaches us about just how depraved we really are.
Amen to that!
I'm keeping out of my own discussion because I am naive and only 7 months married and don't want to eat my words some day. Please keep the comments coming though, I love good advice!
(My husband iz HOTT btw--talking about being fit and all.)