Question:
I really don't feel like posting the background for all of this, so here's a link to where the original problem was posted. My relationship with 'S' has been very rocky since I posted that. First, she seemed to be trying to wait my 'religious phase' out, hoping that I'd come back to her. That hasn't happened and now she at least appears to be moving on...all the while making hints that she still wants me. In one aspect, my lustful self, I truly want to go out with her again but I am resolved to follow God's wishes and not have any sort of 'romantic' contact with her at all.
I guess the real question here, since the above stuff is really just an update for anyone who'd like to know, involves an entirely different, all be it shorter, story. There's...another girl. I'll call her B. B is, as far as I can see, exactly the kind of girl that I've decided I'd like to date since all of this stuff with S happened. She is Christian, most of all, and then she fits many of the aspects of someone that I'd like to date. However, I'm not sure about several things.
1) How long should I wait before I even begin looking for someone to date? The whole thing with S was my first big relationship (how sad is that?) and I'm not sure how long I should wait before dating again. We dated for about 6 months and, like I obviously said, it was more serious than it ever needed to be...I think I'm asking more because I'm afraid of hurting S more than anything. At the same time, should I really live my life walking on egg shells because I might hurt someone else? I think that sounds really insensitive even as I write it...
2) Should I even BE dating? After what happened...I don't know. I'm 16, going to be 17 in November, and I don't know if I should be dating or not. I'm not sure if the case with S is enough to tell, because that was dating with a non-Christian, which I see now was probably doomed before it began. I sincerely think that I'm a mature person, and my faith has never been stronger...I know that its hard to answer something like that without really knowing me as a person, so maybe I could just get a very general answer to that.
I want to say that I'm NOT going to rush into anything with B. I fully intend to get to know her a LOT more before I consider dating her. I'm truly afraid of another relationship turning into what happened with S and I also know (as if I didn't when it happened) that it was very wrong. That experience has me hesistant to even consider HUGGING a girl that I might be interested in, just because of the feelings it might unlock.
Answer:
Originally Posted by rebel I really don't feel like posting the background for all of this, so here's a link to where the original problem was posted. My relationship with 'S' has been very rocky since I posted that. First, she seemed to be trying to wait my 'religious phase' out, hoping that I'd come back to her. That hasn't happened and now she at least appears to be moving on...all the while making hints that she still wants me. In one aspect, my lustful self, I truly want to go out with her again but I am resolved to follow God's wishes and not have any sort of 'romantic' contact with her at all. that requires strength but is the right thing to do, God will grand you the strength you will need, if you ask Him for it
Originally Posted by rebel I guess the real question here, since the above stuff is really just an update for anyone who'd like to know, involves an entirely different, all be it shorter, story. There's...another girl. I'll call her B. B is, as far as I can see, exactly the kind of girl that I've decided I'd like to date since all of this stuff with S happened. She is Christian, most of all, and then she fits many of the aspects of someone that I'd like to date. However, I'm not sure about several things.
1) How long should I wait before I even begin looking for someone to date? The whole thing with S was my first big relationship (how sad is that?) I am 18 now, and havent been in any sort of romantical relationship at all, its not sad.
Originally Posted by rebel and I'm not sure how long I should wait before dating again. We dated for about 6 months and, like I obviously said, it was more serious than it ever needed to be...I think I'm asking more because I'm afraid of hurting S more than anything. At the same time, should I really live my life walking on egg shells because I might hurt someone else? I think that sounds really insensitive even as I write it... Well I'd say wait with the dating untill you are old enough to be able to get married in a over-seeable amount of time. that is the advice on dating most people on this forum will give you.
on the other hand, if you really broke up with S. and thats clear to both you and her. there is, in that way, no problem with dating anyone else, as far as I can see it.
Originally Posted by rebel 2) Should I even BE dating? After what happened...I don't know. I'm 16, going to be 17 in November, and I don't know if I should be dating or not. I'm not sure if the case with S is enough to tell, because that was dating with a non-Christian, which I see now was probably doomed before it began. I sincerely think that I'm a mature person, and my faith has never been stronger...I know that its hard to answer something like that without really knowing me as a person, so maybe I could just get a very general answer to that. Well the bible tells you to avoid relationships with non-christians. because (as you noticed) it can/will bring your faith in problems. and for the rest I rederict you to what I wrote above.
Originally Posted by rebel I want to say that I'm NOT going to rush into anything with B. I fully intend to get to know her a LOT more before I consider dating her. I'm truly afraid of another relationship turning into what happened with S and I also know (as if I didn't when it happened) that it was very wrong. That experience has me hesistant to even consider HUGGING a girl that I might be interested in, just because of the feelings it might unlock well, since I havnt been in a romantical relationship yet, I dont know that much about it. but anyway: Pray Pray Pray. God knows whats best for you.
Answer:
I think you know what to do.
Nothing.
You just got over, (If I understood your previous threads correctly) a sexual relationship (though not to loss of virginity physically) about 6 months ago with an unsaved girl.
Now realize I am taking that presupposition to give my advice.
Dude, it takes a long time to heal with sexual issues. I know because of abuse, that the feelings of worthlessness don't just go away. It takes time, and it is so easy to place your hope of righteous redemption of the sexual part of you in a person. But that is not a true foundation for healing. You need time to truly realize the fprgiveness of God, mourn over your sin, and repair the thought processes that led you down that path, and that are still attacking you through feelings of worthlessness.
Unchecked, those feelings can get you in deep trouble, why do I say this? It is so easy to waste what your emotions tell you is already lost. Emotions are lying, sneaky, manipulative things. You are going to have to rely in Christ alone, and in your brothers for a while to heal from the wounds inflicted in your past battle, before jumping back into the fray.
Answer:
I just want to thank you both for what you said. I think I kind of already knew that I should just stay out of any kind of relationship for a while, but at the same time, I didn't want to believe it. I'm afraid I'm pretty thick headed sometimes when it comes to listening to God. Either way, thanks for affirming what I already *knew* to be true.