Question:
I would like some advice, opinions, ideas, etc. on how to advise in the following situation. The question posed is basically this:
Do I tell my significant other about my past sins when the relationship is to a point that marriage is a definite possibility?
Now, in this case I know that "past sins" includes sexual sins.
I can't answer this with a "yes" or "no". One way I can view it is that past is past so just live in the here and now. So, it's not necessary to tell the other person about your past sins. On the other hand, maybe it is best to just spill it. I'm not sure how relevant this might be to the advice that should be given, but I think the person posing the question was already a believer (Christian) at the time of some of these sins.
I'd like to be able to have something else helpful or thought provoking to give in response to this.
Thanks in advance to anyone who responds.
Answer:
My mom tried to tell my dad about her 'past' sins. Didn't work out so well. He turned around and tried to cheat on her..I suppose to pay her back.
I am not married nor close to marriage so I can't say. I would think its best to not say anything. People tend to take these things hard. If you think it is a possibility that you will commit such a sin after marriage then yes..
Otherwise..Just keep it to yourself.
Answer:
I would say... yes.
If you marry a woman who cannot accept the good in you at the price of the bad, how is that going to affect the marriage? Do you want to marry a woman who will leave you if she finds out you aren't perfect?
Answer:
I say tell her/him. One reason is because of what H.M. Murdock already pointed out. If the relationship is nearing the point of marriage, then the significant other should be able to forgive (even if they themselves don't have "past sins.")
The other reason I think it's important to share about one's past before marriage is because it involves sexual sins. If the significant other doesn't know about your friend's past, then there's a chance that he/she may think that what the two of them share sexually is unique and therefore more special than if they had already experienced it with someone else. If that's happens and then the significant other finds out later that they were not the first person to share that with your friend, then that hurt could be much greater than the hurt they will most likely experience if your friend shares about his/her past now (before marriage).
I don't mean to say that "past sins" cheapen future sexual experiences or make them less special. I'm just saying that if someone thinks they are the first person to experience it and then finds out they aren't, they might feel lied to and the lying/withholding information might hurt more than whatever "past sins" are shared.
Answer:
Id say tell. Skeletons have a way of coming right out of the closet.
I had an old one happen about 2 weeks ago. My wife knew about it. (It was violence, not sex from 8 years ago, coming back to haunt me)
Now if you don't tell, it will eat at you, your relationship, etc. It just will. It would be best to rob the skeleton of its destructive power by humbly owning up to the sins of the past.
How much detail is given should rely on the one being confessed to in a lot of ways.
Answer:
Like I said in my earlier post. I am not married and have no experience in that area. It does only seem right to tell, I suppose. Hmm..I have never seen good come from it personally but perhaps your relationship is different from my parents. I probably shouldn't have even posted here.lol.
Answer:
I am in that situation and I'm very glad that my girlfriend and i have been open about our pasts. Sure there's an aspect of, "we live in the present, the past is all forgiven", but there are also behavioral anomalies (emotional or otherwise) that are going to exist in the marriage relationship that are going to seem very strange without knowledge of the past.
Answer:
My wording was not right in that post I guess. I think some of you are thinking I'm in the relationship. I'm not in a relationship. Sorry for the confusion. However, I was needing help in how to answer that question.
It doesn't matter either way really, I am satisfied that the question was answered.
Thanks again.