Question:
I'm tired of living at home under my dad at the age of 20. I'm tired that I have to go to my church of 10 years, pray for people who never come, listen to my dad who in the next second is emotionally and mentally abusive to my mother, my sister, and I. I'm tired of being "stuck" at the point I'm at.
I home schooled through most of my life and around two or three years ago (it's easy to lose count) I got depressed and stopped working. Now I'm taking classes at a community college for an Associates Degree at the same time as finishing my home school. Right now I'm at the end of 10th grade. It's an advanced honor roll prep school program from the University of Nebraska, and it's not all that hard, but discouraging to do. I need to finish it and my college classes so I have my Associates and can transfer somewhere else. I'm also taking Phlebotomy so I have a means to support myself outside of retail or something dumb like that. I should be certified by the end of the year.
I hate living at home under my parents thumb. I'm tired of being a "kid". I want to be responsible for my life, but I can't even be responsible for my schoolwork. I'm starting to hate church. I don't hate God, but I find it hard to be motivated to talk to Him. I hate going to church and the ritual of being a pastor's kid after 10 years. I hate not having friends, or not being able to do anything with the ones I have. I'm tired of the attitudes in my house and the myre I'm stuck in at this place.
Recently my brother in law and I went to LA. We loved it and we determined that someday we'd both get out of Connecticut. He's originally from Mississippi and when my sister married him, they lived down there in poverty. They moved up here and have since gotten on their feet. Because of my Dad and the way he affects everyone around him with his ungodly and bitter spirit, they're secretly planning to move away sometime in the future, perhaps around a year from now, maybe more maybe less. They offered to rent me a room so I could get away too. They haven't decided anything concrete yet, maybe Texas, maybe California, just somewhere far away. If they do that I think I could go away to school around them and work as a Phlebotomist in the area, or find some means of being a real responsible human. I don't know what the future is yet but that's my clearest sight of freedom. anyway that's a door I feel God has opened.
On a side note I feel like my whole "life" (life I make for myself, cars I'll own, places of my own, people I'll meet, friends I'll have, and other relationships) all lies elsewhere. I hate the oppressive, capitalistic and tense atmosphere of the Northeast.
In the meantime I'm just tired of day in and day out of the same garbage I deal with at school, at home, and everyone. It seems like everyone in my family is tense, tired, and irritable. If you knew my father this would be understandable. Over the past year the Lord has dealt with me in several ways and delivered me from several different personality issues I had as a result of the oppressive relationship I have with my Dad, and I feel stronger than I ever did as a teenager. However, I feel weak spiritually, and my self-expectations coupled with the reality of what I do (procrastinating, getting discouraged, being tired of everything in the way that I am), have drove me into depression in the past and perhaps it's doing that again. All I know is I'm tired of not being able to feel relief in church, being stuck at home and school, and not being able to have some sense of freedom. [/rant]
Thanks for reading all of this. I don't really know what I'm asking for, just some sort of encouragement I guess, or some kind of advice that would minister to the situation.
Answer:
I wish I had more to offer you, but an "I'm praying for you." but that's all I feel I can tell you. I sincerely will be. It must be really tough to in that situation.
One thought, have you considered getting a GED instead of trying to finish all that school work? That would lighten your load a bit, and you could possibly become financially independent faster. You are 20, and you are at the age where you should be out on your own making your own descisions. This is where the tension between you can your family is coming from. Too many adults in one house!

Just another thought, I know it must be really hard, but try not to push your family away too much. When I was living at home, I can remember feeling the same way you do. That my parents were difficult, everyone was always fighting and irritable, but now that I don't live at home, I really enjoy my family, more than I ever did. So right now, it might be really difficult to do, but try to love them through it all.

Thats all. If you ever want to vent you can PM me.
Answer:
That's one thing I forgot to mention. My mother wont let me (or my sister for that matter, who's in the same boat but 1 1/2 years younger) get a GED; she wants us to finish the HS program because it looks better on resumes and college applications.
thanks for the support
Answer:
Originally Posted by Nathanael That's one thing I forgot to mention. My mother wont let me (or my sister for that matter, who's in the same boat but 1 1/2 years younger) get a GED; she wants us to finish the HS program because it looks better on resumes and college applications.
thanks for the support
If you're 20 then why do you have to be bound by whether or not your mom wants you to get a GED? The only thing she could do is refuse to graduate you from home school...and if you had the GED that wouldn't matter.
Answer:
Get your GED anyway. Get a full time job, find a roommate and move out. Finish your associates degree and transfer to a 4 year college.
Answer:
what about listening to your parents?
We all know about respecting our parents, but for some reason a lot of us think that as soon as we get to a certain age we don't have to repect them and listen to what they say!
have you tried talking to yuor parents?
Answer:
Originally Posted by Nathanael That's one thing I forgot to mention. My mother wont let me (or my sister for that matter, who's in the same boat but 1 1/2 years younger) get a GED; she wants us to finish the HS program because it looks better on resumes and college applications.
thanks for the support
well... as someone who revolted from a bad home school...
How can I put this... I got into a JC without a high school diploma or GED, transferred those units without a high school diploma or GED, and am graduating with my bachelors this semester, without a high school diploma or GED.
I would get the GED, it makes life easier or so I have heard, but you can break free and make a go in college wihtout a high school diploma. (At least in CA, I did it)
What I think though is you need to seriously consider life on the outside. You will have to have stupid jobs to make it n your own and make it through college. You will have to work like a fiend, but honestly, probably the easiest way to break free of the discouragement is to buck up for a long slow burn of a climb and start living on your own and going to college. If you establish an in-state residency for 6 months before you start a state college, tuition will be cheaper.
CA has some of the cheapest community collees in the country and some of the best. And heck, I have attended several so if you end up in So Cal, I may even be able to reccomend profs.
Answer:
Don't be discouraged..really.. God has a plan for you, maybe he just hasn't put it out in full view to you yet.. maybe you have to search, while still living under your parents "thumb"..maybe he's preparing you for something much more complex, and he is making sure that you understand how to be responsible, by keeping you in your parent's household, and not allowing you to get your own place... just think of it that way...
but know that i AM praying for you!
In Him,
Kate
Answer:
Originally Posted by Simo what about listening to your parents?

We all know about respecting our parents, but for some reason a lot of us think that as soon as we get to a certain age we don't have to repect them and listen to what they say!


But he is an adult. He, and his parents need to own that, and he needs to move on with his own life as an adult. True even as adults we need to respect our parents, but that doesn't always mean we need to listen to everything that they say. As a 20 year old, his mother really cannot tell him that he cannot get his GED, or anything else that will further his life. How is he ever supposed to grow up and be a man if he honestly believes he needs to be following exact directions from his mom at this stage of his life.
Answer:
I should point out, however, that one can quite easily disagree with one's parents and still respect them. At 20 years old, if he wanted to go out on his own, he can do that without dishonoring or disrescpecting his parents.
Answer:
I hate living at home under my parents thumb. I'm tired of being a "kid". I want to be responsible for my life, but I can't even be responsible for my schoolwork. I'm starting to hate church. I don't hate God, but I find it hard to be motivated to talk to Him. I hate going to church and the ritual of being a pastor's kid after 10 years. I hate not having friends, or not being able to do anything with the ones I have. I'm tired of the attitudes in my house and the myre I'm stuck in at this place.
others have already said it well--if you cannot stand where you are---get out! You are 20- you should have finished HS 2 years ago but for whatever reasons you are stil working to finish it.
As long as you live--when you place yourself under someones authority, whjether living intheir house or workoing for their company--you have to submit to their rules or face the consequences.
Answer:
The easiest way to make any bad situation good is to make the best possible out of it. If you do end up stuck at home for two more years before you get your diploma, then do something that you feel is worthwhile with your time. Better yourself in any way possible. Have you considered the advantage you could have in dealing with frustrating social situations? Learn from everything. Prepare yourself for your future, whether that is moving out now or moving out a few years down the road. Make every negative, every failure, and every frustration into something positive that will ultimately make you a better person.

Selfishness is most hazardous to happiness. Don't despair in thinking what should be. You are learning that your idea of how your life would progress is not in fact the reality, and you have to deal with that somehow.