Question:
Ok before I get into the whole story I'm gonna introduce the characters (not with the real names) cuz this is where it kinda gets a little hard to understand:
Cast:
*Me (self explanatory)
*Jessica (the girl)
*Jake (my cousin who dated Jessica)
Ok Jessica and Jake used to date. Jessica is a really an awesome girl who is a Christian. Me and her have a lot in common, likes the same music and books. But in the middle of last year, her and my cousin Jake started dating. It kinda took me back and kinda made me think "what the heck?" because they're really nite and day. She's a Christian while he's a partier and isn't saved.
Well, they broke up over 2 months ago. I didn't know anything about it till my stepmom told me. She basically fills me in on all the stuff that's going on in the family. As for their relationship, I kinda expected it to end to be honest. She (Jessica) been busy with mission trips and such, and I don't think he even wanted to go to church. Well in a span of 8 days, she Im'd me to just chat. We got to talking about everything: God, music, things going on in our churches, etc. And then we decided to talk on the phone. As we talked, she said things like "I wish I had a strong Christian guy like you in my life" and "when are you coming to visit?" cuz I live a state across from my other side of the family.
Well there's two sides of me: One who's trying to be cautious and be a friend to her out of respect for my cousin whom she dated, and then there's the other me that thinks "hey we're both Christian and appear to be on the same level of faith, maybe something like this could work." She really is an awesome girl and someone like I'd love to develop a relationship with, but I don't want to do that to my cousin. Me and my cousin don't really have a close relationship. We did when we were younger, but now it's like I just see him once a trip I make to see my family. We don't hang out anymore. Part of me would want to for the fact she's an awesome Christian, but I don't want to cause tension between the family.
I really don't know what to do. Long distance plays a small factor, but the biggest thing is that they used to date each other. I've talked to some friends about it, but they're telling me "do what you feel is right" but yet I go back and forth about it and feel my feelings are mixed right now. I just want someone who can approach this with a Biblical approach and with practical advise.
Thanks.
Answer:
Well, I have been Jake (in the sense of being the guy who was dumped). And yes, my friends would go after girls who broke up with me weeks (in one of the instances days) after the fact. If it happens without someone talking to you and asking if you are ok with things going on, it can be a downright horrible feeling.
I'm not going to say, however, that you should not under any circumstances go ahead with pursuing a relationship. However, if you do want to go ahead, TALK TO YOUR COUSIN BEFOREHAND. Make sure if anything would be okay or if it would bother him too much. And make sure you get the truth out of him. Also, purely in flat out respect for your cousin you should wait a little more than 2 months. It's possible she won't be truly ready for another relationship yet either.
Answer:
I agree with Chris. Talk to your cousin after things have cooled off a little bit more. But, in the meantime, continue developing a friendship with this girl and get to know her more. Good relationships always stem off of good friendships
Pray about it a lot, see where you believe God is directing you in the situation.
Answer:
Hey
i think its up to you....
personally i wouldn't talk to your cousin until your sure your going to start dating this girl... a couple of reasons:
1: Its your decision not his
2: you dont need his blessing for a relationship
3: he may try to talk you out of a relationship with her, or tell you stuff about her (true and untrue) out of jealousy
4: If you talked to him, and he said he didnt want you in a relationship with her, what would you do? would you respect what he says?? (if you dont, it would make things worse, if you do, you are letting him run your life)
overall its up to you, if your heart is set first on God, then pursuing a relationship with this girl (as long as you feel God telling you its okay) is cool.
i dont mean to say be rude to your cousin.... i mean dating someone a couple of weeks after they break up with their boy friend/ girl friend is just dis- courteous even if they are not related. However from the sounds of it it seems they broke up a while back.... and seeing you want to grow a friendship first, dating may be some time off... leaving time for wounds to heal. Plus you wouldnt want to tell him your plans and then discover you cant stand this girl when you get to know her!
hope it helps