Question:
OK, so I have already posted this in the Prayer Requests section, as I want that crowd praying seriously about this, but I also want advice about what I can do, and what my sister should be doing. I happen to be really busy right now, so i'm just going to repost what I said in PR, so mods feel free to PM me if there is something wrong with that. I think that in this case it is acceptable though. Also, to everyone else, feel free to ask questions and I will answer best I can. Here is the post:
"Well, I just got off the phone from a long talk with my sister. She is pretty upset over one of her friends from her youth group right now. It seems this kid is pretty messed up. For a while now he has had periods when he refuses to eat, and he keeps on getting these suspicious injuries with no solid excuse. My sister thinks it is self-inflicted. I don't know him, but I think it could also be abuse. Anyway, my sister has known about this stuff for a while, but she is finally taking action. (Frankly if I she had told me earlier I would have called it in myself if she wouldn't) She and another friend who knows him are planning on talking to their youth pastor tonight about this whole thing and getting his thoughts on it. They will decide on a plan of action from there. The main worries right now are that if he doesn't like this action, he will leave the church for good, which may mean moving back in with his Mom (divorced parents) who has physically abused him in the past. I think that this kid needs some serious help, and i'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he gets it. I am also worried about my sister since she is scared of losing him as a friend. She understands that sometimes to save a friend you have to lose them, but I dunno if she can go through with it. Pray for her and this friend."
Answer:
What kind of injuries are "appearing" on him? Are they deep bruises, cuts, burns...? I ask because it may not be abuse from another person, but rather self-abuse. He may be inflicting these wounds on himself.
But I'm not sure... that's why I'm asking.
Answer:
I really have no idea what kind they are. I only know what my sis has told me, though I will ask. I read what I said again and it seems that I am suggesting more that it is abuse, but I think that unlikely, but I think it should be considered given his past experience with it.
Anyway, since I posted, I had my sister send me her saved copies of her last few IM conversations with him (smart girl she is for thinking to do that!) and because of one thing in particular, I seriously think this kid may be potentially suicidal. I still have the conversations, so if anyone has any real experience with this, I can PM you the parts that make me suspicious to get your opinion. Anyway, i'm going to talk to my sister when she gets home about this, then I will likely call the youth pastor and tell him about this. I don't think my sister fully realizes how serious this could be.
Answer:
Originally Posted by PianoMan I read what I said again and it seems that I am suggesting more that it is abuse, but I think that unlikely, but I think it should be considered given his past experience with it. It could be abuse... but definitely ask... because it would also make sense if he was doing them himself.
Originally Posted by PianoMan Anyway, since I posted, I had my sister send me her saved copies of her last few IM conversations with him (smart girl she is for thinking to do that!) and because of one thing in particular, I seriously think this kid may be potentially suicidal. I still have the conversations, so if anyone has any real experience with this, I can PM you the parts that make me suspicious to get your opinion. Actually, if you'll pm (or email) me the whole conversations I may be able to help out... I'm not making any promises though. I'll read them and give advice accordingly.
Originally Posted by PianoMan Anyway, i'm going to talk to my sister when she gets home about this, then I will likely call the youth pastor and tell him about this. I don't think my sister fully realizes how serious this could be. I think that may be a good decision... but I would definitely talk to your sister first. Since she knows the guy better, it would make more sense for her to tell the pastor... but if she's not going to... I would... I think. But, I think we may need more details before I would advise telling the pastor.
Answer:
Well, I'm the sister, so I thought I might fill a few blanks in for you guys. First of all, the injurys. He first appeared with a ton of cuts on his arm, which he said he got when chassing his dog and then he fell. That's somewhat believable, he does have a dog, but he said it happened on gravel, and there is no gravel at his house, also it didn't look like gravel marks, (I've seen them a lot) they were to much in order. the second was marks on his hands, but I already know that when he's upset he punches things, so they get cut. Third was a cut on his chest (no I didn't see it) but he said a mirror fell on him. VERY unlikly story.
We did tell the pastor, and he is talking to him. though now my friend is very upset and wants to leave the church because he doesn't trust anyone, which is what I feared. I don't know if I should keep trying to get him to come or not. I know he has depression, but I don't know what to do about it.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Beth473473 Well, I'm the sister, so I thought I might fill a few blanks in for you guys. First of all, the injurys. He first appeared with a ton of cuts on his arm, which he said he got when chassing his dog and then he fell. That's somewhat believable, he does have a dog, but he said it happened on gravel, and there is no gravel at his house, also it didn't look like gravel marks, (I've seen them a lot) they were to much in order. the second was marks on his hands, but I already know that when he's upset he punches things, so they get cut. Third was a cut on his chest (no I didn't see it) but he said a mirror fell on him. VERY unlikly story.
We did tell the pastor, and he is talking to him. though now my friend is very upset and wants to leave the church because he doesn't trust anyone, which is what I feared. I don't know if I should keep trying to get him to come or not. I know he has depression, but I don't know what to do about it.
That sounds like SI, not abuse.
Answer:
yeah, that's what I thought.
Answer:
Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq That sounds like SI, not abuse. Yeah... that's what I'm thinking as well.
Although, it doesn't sound like he's suicidal. He could be... but I just don't see it. (hopefully I'm right)
Anyways, keep praying for him... continue to show him Christ's love... and just be there for him when he needs you. But, let him come to you. I'm thinking he's similar with his feelings as I am with mine. When I'm ready, I'll talk to someone about it... if they continue to push the issue by trying to get me to tell them "what's wrong" when I don't really feel like talking about it at the time I'll just get annoyed and irritated.
Answer:
yeah, that makes sense, and I need to work on that.
But yesterday and today were AMAZING! first of all, my youth pastor came up to my friend and I and said that he had had a long talk with my friend, and everything went well. Well, my friend was in SUCH a good mood all day and the next (it was a youth group all nighter) but he was smiling, joking, EATING, laughing, and trust me, it was wonderful. I just hope it lasts, but somehting my youth pastor said must have helped. YAY!
Answer:
ok, yeah. they were happy for a few days, but they got depressed again because their dad is getting married again, to a lady they don't really know that has 3 kids. but anyway, their away message says "Good-bye everyone.. " and yeah, I called to see what was up, and their family did't know where he was, when he was going to be back, or anything else. Plus, today, my friend said that he was coughing up what looked like blood, and I have no idea what's going on, and I am SOOOOO scarred at the moment. I don't know what to do, I'm going to talk to my youth pastor again tonight, but if he ran away or worse, that obviously wont work. So yeah, advise would be very good right now!!!
Answer:
Pray. That's about all you can do. The whole situation is beyond your control, but not out of God's. And you have to trust that and trust Him, and ask Him to protect this kid. That is likely the best, most effective, and trustworthy thing you can do for him. Have faith, and be there for this kid when he needs it. And since he's no where to be found right now, you can still be there for him by asking God to be there *with* him, wherever he might be.
Pray continuously. It will help.
Answer:
Thought I would just leave a quick update. My sister's friend tried to commit suicide last night while on a missions trip in Mexico. Details are in the Prayer Request forum. Now that his problems are widely known, we hope that his parents might take a hint and get him some help, but who knows what they will do.