Question:
Alright...Here's the sitch:
A while ago, me and another guy kinda both admitted that we liked each other and he asked me out, but I'm not really interesting in dating right now. So I didn't commit to NEthing, and now he still likes me but I'm afraid to hurt him. I've known him for almost 5 months and before, when we were just friends, I learned that he's a pretty emotional guy and he used to get depressed easily. Esp about girls liking him n'stuff cuz he was saying that he always liked girls, but they didn't like him and he was gonna end up an old bachelor and all this pretty depressing and emotional stuff.
Another thing is that I'm 17 and he's just turning 16. And he's not all that strong of a Christian. Like we never really talk about God other than in general. So he's a Christian, but not all that serious about his faith at all, which is also tough cuz then I'm not getting NE spiritual encouragement from him. So, I'm glad that I didn't agree to go out with him or NEthing, cuz that'd make this all the more harder, but right now I just need some good advice. Cuz I'm getting really confused and what to do. I don't wanna hurt NEone, but he still likes me and now I'm not so sure that I feel the same way NE more....
Answer:
Heya,
I'm confused. What do you want advice on? Seemed to me that you answered your own question.
Answer:
You can't let fear of hurting others' feelings dictate your life. Being selfless and loving others doesn't mean you date someone you don't love just because you're afraid of hurting him. You're not going to do him any favors by dating out of pity. Tell him the truth. Yeah it'll probably hurt him, he may even cry and get depressed, but in the long run, you'll have done the right thing and you'll both know it and be glad.
Answer:
Yeah..I guess I've kinda had the idea of what I needed to do, but was jusst kinda hesitant about it all...
I know I need to talk to him about how I feel n'stuff, and yeah, it'll be hard, but I know God will help me out.
Kinda ironic though, I've put myself in an awkward sitch by asking him to the Winter Formal at my school a while back when I still thot that I might like him. So, that's this weekend... yay... won't that be awkward...lol...
So, it'd be great if you guys could pray for me and that the right opportunity would come to tell him and that I'd say the right words n'stuff.
I really hate doing this to people, but deceiving them is just as bad... ick...
Answer:
Originally Posted by Stella Denker Yeah..I guess I've kinda had the idea of what I needed to do, but was jusst kinda hesitant about it all...
I know I need to talk to him about how I feel n'stuff, and yeah, it'll be hard, but I know God will help me out.
Kinda ironic though, I've put myself in an awkward sitch by asking him to the Winter Formal at my school a while back when I still thot that I might like him. So, that's this weekend... yay... won't that be awkward...lol...
So, it'd be great if you guys could pray for me and that the right opportunity would come to tell him and that I'd say the right words n'stuff.
I really hate doing this to people, but deceiving them is just as bad... ick...
Deceiving them is worse. Do you plan on marrying this guy? If not, (and judging by your posts tone, I think that answer is obvious) the longer you draw this out, the more it will hurt.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Stella Denker I learned that he's a pretty emotional guy and he used to get depressed easily. Esp about girls liking him n'stuff cuz he was saying that he always liked girls, but they didn't like him and he was gonna end up an old bachelor and all this pretty depressing and emotional stuff.
Doing what you know is best for someone else is a much better idea than doing what will make them feel good.
If you make it clear to this guy that you are not interested in him, his feelings will be hurt and he may even get angry - he certainly won't be thankful to you. But, you will be saving him from a lot more pain later on.
If you decided to date this guy, he would feel glad, but you and he would both come to a point where, in hindsight, you would know that it would have been far better if you never dated.
Sometimes hurting people's feelings is the only way to avoid doing much greater harm to them.
On a different note: the word "any" takes exactly the same number of keystrokes to type as "NE" (if you count the shift key for the capitals) and is much easier to read. Using bad grammar in electronic communication is a sort of defense mechanism, a way of saying, "please don't take me too seriously." You don't need to hide behind that.
Answer:
Definitely, going out with him would be a huge mistake. Not telling him at all is worse.
He seems a little over-dramatic to be afraid of becoming an old bachelor at age 16. I knew a guy in high school like that, he told a girl he loved her and if she didn't go out with him he'd kill himself. She said no at least 20+ times. He's still alive now. I think your friend will get over it eventually too.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Chris He seems a little over-dramatic to be afraid of becoming an old bachelor at age 16. I knew a guy in high school like that, he told a girl he loved her and if she didn't go out with him he'd kill himself. She said no at least 20+ times. He's still alive now. I think your friend will get over it eventually too.
Wow... that sounds REALLY creepily familiar... he has entertained the idea of killing himself after I've turned him down once before, but he never did... it still kinda freaked me out tho. He has told me that he loves me too. Which is kinda awkward cuz I know it's just an infatuation.
I would rather tell him all this in person, but the next time I'll be seeing him is for Winter Formal... talk about awkward... But I will tell him that we're going as just friends just to set the record straight.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Stella Denker Wow... that sounds REALLY creepily familiar... he has entertained the idea of killing himself after I've turned him down once before, but he never did... it still kinda freaked me out tho. He has told me that he loves me too. Which is kinda awkward cuz I know it's just an infatuation.
I would rather tell him all this in person, but the next time I'll be seeing him is for Winter Formal... talk about awkward... But I will tell him that we're going as just friends just to set the record straight.
That will not set the record straight, at all. That is mixed signals to the max.
Answer:
Well, winter formal is over now and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I did tell him before that we were going to go as just friends.
And I didn't lead him on at all. When he asked me to slow dance with him, I told him I didn't want to and I could tell he was disappointed, but he also knows that I don't like him like that anymore. (He was talking to my sister about it when I was in another room.)
I haven't gotten the chance to talk to him about it, but I will at the next opportunity. He's a very shy and awkward person to talk to about this kinda stuff and I know he's gonna overanalyze it and go into his old bachelor thing again, but then he'll get over it and move on.
Answer:
I was in the same situation afew weeks ago with a guy I've known for two years. We were always best friends, but this year I started to like him a little more then a friend. When I told him that he told me he had liked me ever sine we had met. We went out for about three weeks when I started to realize he liked me way more then I liked him. It was a little awkward for me for a few days until I finally got the chance to tell him I wanted to go back to friends. It didn't turn out that well. For the past three weeks he had hardly said a word to me, but finally today the spot beside him on the bus was the only open seat and I had to sit with him. It was great! It felt like nothing had ever happened.
I just felt like telling you that. I hope it works out nicely between you and your friend.
In Christ,
Nessi