Question:
I know that usually when you talk about a 'friend having a problem' it really means you do. But seriously, it's about a friend. Well, my good friend 'Jane' has a crush on 'John', but John is dating 'Katie.' Now Jane has liked John for almost 2 years now, and Katie and him have only been dating for a month(and Katie only likes John because she's 'desperate' for a boyfriend, but John has no clue). And so since Valentine's Day is comming up at school we are selling candy grams. And Jane is debating whether or not to send him one anonomously. Just so that he can see that there are other options out there. For some reason, I think it's an okay idea. But now I'm starting to think it's playing with fire. HELP!
Answer:
Originally Posted by God'sguitarist I know that usually when you talk about a 'friend having a problem' it really means you do. But seriously, it's about a friend. Well, my good friend 'Jane' has a crush on 'John', but John is dating 'Katie.' Now Jane has liked John for almost 2 years now, and Katie and him have only been dating for a month(and Katie only likes John because she's 'desperate' for a boyfriend, but John has no clue). And so since Valentine's Day is comming up at school we are selling candy grams. And Jane is debating whether or not to send him one anonomously. Just so that he can see that there are other options out there. For some reason, I think it's an okay idea. But now I'm starting to think it's playing with fire. HELP!
Hmm... could you tell us how old "Jane" "John" and "Katie" are? The whole thing sounds rather middle-school. I think the whole idea of sending things "anonomously" is kinda pathetic, but that's just me.
-Nick
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So the idea is to make him consider breaking up with his girlfriend so that she'll have a chance with him? Tell me how this isn't jealous and covetous.
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Okay, I'm totally feeling the negative of this now. They are sophomores in Highschool. The thing that really gets me though is that Katie didn't even like John until she found out that he liked her. And John deserves soooo much more than that. I suppose the whole issue isn't really Jane, but the fact that John could get his heart broken, bad. I just wish Katie wasn't dating him. She sat in my car and told me repeatedly that she could never like him! And then she agrees to be his 'girlfriend.' Don't get me wrong, I do love Katie..I just think she's jumping into this wrong. But what can I do? They're too into each other to care what their friends have to say. Not to mention that they are always all over each other. It makes me wanna yack. I know that he is commited to purity, and she probably is too. I suppose that maybe I've just bottled up what I really think of them together too much. Because I'm finding myself typing things that I've only thought. Please let me know what ya'll think..
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I think that, as much as you want to get involved or change it, it's not your business. I don't mean to sound like a jerk when I say that either, lol.
They've made a choice. Apparently, he thinks he's doing ok. Isn't it his decision what he "deserves"? Can't any relationship end in heart break? I mean, even if he did dump her (which, incidentally might break HER heart... something to consider), thinks could still not go so well with Jane. So, he could still get his heart broken.
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Thanks guys,
It really isn't any of my business. But what is my business is to be a friend and to be there if they need me, for any reason. You're right. I can't tell him what he deserves, and plus that would crush Katie. But on the whole issue of them being totally all over each other, what should I do. I do believe that I should say something. Possibly I should just take Katie aside, a girls night, and we can discuss any temptation or unsureness on what is okay and what's not(of course the bible will be in the midst of our girl talk, and of course sexual purity isn't just the absence of 'going all the way.'). Any advice on whether or not, or how I should talk to Katie about my concern about their relationship..in a good, non judgemental towards them, kinda way?
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If you really feel like you must say something say little, a little bit will go a long way. Choose what you say carefully, don't accuse her and her bf of doing anything. Merely say you've noticed that they are openly very phsyical and you just wanted to remind her what the Lord tells us about purity. Make sure you do more encouraging than confronting.
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Originally Posted by God'sguitarist Okay, I'm totally feeling the negative of this now. They are sophomores in Highschool. The thing that really gets me though is that Katie didn't even like John until she found out that he liked her. And John deserves soooo much more than that. I suppose the whole issue isn't really Jane, but the fact that John could get his heart broken, bad. I just wish Katie wasn't dating him. She sat in my car and told me repeatedly that she could never like him! And then she agrees to be his 'girlfriend.' Don't get me wrong, I do love Katie..I just think she's jumping into this wrong. But what can I do? They're too into each other to care what their friends have to say. Not to mention that they are always all over each other. It makes me wanna yack. I know that he is commited to purity, and she probably is too. I suppose that maybe I've just bottled up what I really think of them together too much. Because I'm finding myself typing things that I've only thought. Please let me know what ya'll think..
ok, insanely enough, that EXACT situation is going on with 2 of my friends. It's eerily accurate...you and i are both juniors, and the 2 i'm talking about are also sophmores. The girl isn't as interested as she says she is, and the guy has no clue. I feel like he's going to get himself hurt, but i can't tell him. How sick! PM me if you would like to talk/vent or anything about it. I know it can be frustrating...we should deff. talk.
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I am clueless about what Jane should do. I do know one thing though. John is in the worst position right now and he could end up getting his heart broke. If you are really his friend you should do something. Talk to him!
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he's dating someone. she should leave it alone.
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Originally Posted by Riversnow John is in the worst position right now and he could end up getting his heart broke. ...what's so bad about having a girlfriend?
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Originally Posted by Riversnow I am clueless about what Jane should do. I do know one thing though. John is in the worst position right now and he could end up getting his heart broke. If you are really his friend you should do something. Talk to him! Getting your heart broken is an inherent danger of dating/courting/sparking/hiding in bushes and grabbing ladies (as Bill mentioned once)/marriage/any other commited relationship by any other name. I'm not going to give any advice on what Jane should do but I'll let her in on a few of the risks if she does and see if she thinks they're worth it.

• She could lose any friendship with Katie. Not sire if that's a high priority so I'm tossing it out first
• She could be turned down flat and thought of as simply being jealous. (She does like the boy after all).
• She could lose a friendship with John. He could become angered that she's trying to come between him and his girl.
• She could succeed in getting him out of the relationship but he's angry with her for causing the heartache.
• He could dump Katie and go out with Jane. This is the most dangerous, as you've proven he'll gladly leave one girl for another and what's stopping him from doing it again?

That's all I've got.
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I don't know...I know of a guy who dated a girl because there weren't any other options at the time, and then this girl who was far superior came along and he pretty much walked the edge of emotionally cheating on his girlfriend for two years until it became convenient for him to break up. If the guy and the girl feel secure in their relationship, and they should if it's been one month, then I don't see a problem in pursuing it, if Jane doesn't mind the possibility of being shot down.
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Originally Posted by bobthecockroach ...what's so bad about having a girlfriend?
Of course nothing's wrong with having a girlfriend, it's just that they said that the girl was what some would call 'plaing' John.
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Well, yeah, but I don't believe everything I hear, especially not when the person saying it is obviously biased.