Question:
First of all, I'd like to explain what I mean by fixed marriage. It is a marriage where both parties don't know each other that well before they get married. This marriage is usually an initiation from parents of both sides for whatever reason it is.
I take my Mom and Dad as an example. Dad was around 40 when he got married and Mom was 27. Yet they're happily married for 26 years now (taking this as a generalization, since they stick together until now). So I guess it works. That's one side of the stories, I would like to hear others.
Answer:
As long as both the man and the woman take the marriage commitment seriously, it can work just fine. I don't have any stats to back me up, but I have a hunch that fixed marriages are probably, on average, more successful than your average American marriage (for example).
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Originally Posted by BurntHombre As long as both the man and the woman take the marriage commitment seriously, it can work just fine. I don't have any stats to back me up, but I have a hunch that fixed marriages are probably, on average, more successful than your average American marriage (for example). I pretty much second this.
Instinct would make me say no, that it wouldn't work... But people have been having arranged marriages for many many years now and it seems to last. Whether the majority of them are happy or just don't have the option of divorce is another question...
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It probably won't work very good in this culture, because people are conditioned to know what they want and not be satisfied with not knowing what they are getting.
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love is a decision, not a feeling. So, regardless of whether or not they were in love when they got married, is besides the point. You can learn, and decide to love.

Just like sometimes in a marrige, after the people have been married for a while, and maybe hit a rough time in their marriage, it will take a decision to love each other, more than just a an automatic reaction to a feeling.
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oh love is also a feeling! Feelings DO matter in our lives! We cannot neglect them for ever!
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I for one think that arranged marriages can work. Like someone else said if they are committed to the covenant of Marriage it will work. John and I only knew each other for 3 months before we got married.
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I only knew my wife for three months too. 20 years later were still together...
Peace
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Originally Posted by Thespia oh love is also a feeling! Feelings DO matter in our lives! We cannot neglect them for ever!
I agree with you. But you can't base a marriage around feelings. It just doesn't work that way. Eventually the giddy feelings of being in love fade, and then you decide to love. If you've been in a relationship for awhile, you still love that person, but if you don't feel like you're "in love" anymore, oftentimes people say that aren't "in love" anymore, and just leave. At that point, if you really love someone, you have to say that you will love them forever, and uphold your marriage vows.

I have heard so many people say this before, and have had happy, wonderful marriages. You aren't neglecting the feeling, you are acknowleding that a "feeling" of being in love can fade, but that love itself, cannot fade.
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I've seen some couples who have been married for a long time still giggle and flirt with each other. It takes work though. It's not like marriage is an easy thing... at least I would imagine so. I'm not married... yet.
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i watched a movie, (I think it was The Wedding Planner) where the dad was talking to the daughter about arranged marriages and she was talking about how she wanted to fall in love first and all this. The dad explained how when he and his wife got married they didn't know each other or get along. But they were married and committed and knew they had no choice. Eventually he realised he couldn't live in such unhappiness forever so he began to treat her nicely. He found at this point he started to see her differently. He eventually came to respect her for all she did for him and their children. And then he said this respect turned into love. And since they'd been living happily ever after, in love, and with no reason to want divorce.
If this was the movie I'm thinking of, it was the only part of the movie that was right on. The rest of the film was pure rubbish. Ick. Pure worldly rubbish.