Question:
hey... *sigh*
kay there is an issue that my girlfriend (and potential wife) have just stumbled across and we dont agree... so far this has been the only thing we dont agree on to such a degree that we can overcome it...
do yall have any suggestions as to what we can do? should i just give up my veiw and conform with hers? im at my wits end about this... it has been going on for 3 days and we cant seem to come to a resolve... i think i should maybe just do what she wants even tho i dont agree with it. id rather give up my opinions than her...
what do you guys think i should do?
Answer:
Originally Posted by classicgtrfreak hey... *sigh*
kay there is an issue that my girlfriend (and potential wife) have just stumbled across and we dont agree... so far this has been the only thing we dont agree on to such a degree that we can overcome it...
do yall have any suggestions as to what we can do? should i just give up my veiw and conform with hers? im at my wits end about this... it has been going on for 3 days and we cant seem to come to a resolve... i think i should maybe just do what she wants even tho i dont agree with it. id rather give up my opinions than her...
what do you guys think i should do?
What are you talking about? There are a host of things this could be and differences vary in a lot of arenas. I mean there are things that my fiancee can't agree on, and some things which took us a long time to understand.
Some had to come from understanding our very seperate pasts.
Answer:
well please dont tell me why im wrong for thinking what i think... but yeah
the reason i made the post in the theology forum about BC is cuz of this... i have seen some strong evidence about why not to use it... i havent really been convinced that its a *good* think to do... anyways... she is for using it until we start a family.. and after we are "done" having children... cept i dunno how we would tell that we were "done" and yeah... im not a big fan of it, but im willing to let this one slip cuz i love her...
(oh this was all within the context of marriage)
thanks for writing back bill...
Answer:
well look at my last post in that thread... It sums up I think a fatal flaw in the argument.
Anyway, here are the possibilities I see.
1) Wait to get married.
2) Actually research it and come to a conclusion.
3) barrier methods which cant lead to the death of a child.
Here is the thing on this issue, if you just bow down and you think it might be abortion or murder with say the pill, you will be violating your conscience if you just "change your beliefs." You can't change your views at will like that, as such you could well end up blaming her for murder if down the line she miscarries or such.
You two need to come to a consesnsus on this one, and violating your conscience is sin, as it is not of faith. hence in your case you need to make this an issue where you come to a conclusion as acouple that you both believe, (and I don't mean pansyfying and saying "whatever dear" as you seem to suggest)
My fiancee and I took well over a year to settle this issue for us. its not a 3 day thing. In fact very few big decisions are. Think, pray, research. Thats about all there is to it.
Answer:
i should have made it a bit more clear about the method. she is equally against the pill as i am. the only type she would consider is a barrier method. she too sees the pill or the day after pill as abortative, so no qualms there
the rest of your advice i agree with, and thank you for.
just cuz it took you guys a year to conclude it doesnt mean your nightly conversations only consisted of that issue does it?
and can i ask what your settlement on the issue was?
thanks bill
Answer:
Originally Posted by classicgtrfreak i should have made it a bit more clear about the method. she is equally against the pill as i am. the only type she would consider is a barrier method. she too sees the pill or the day after pill as abortative, so no qualms there
the rest of your advice i agree with, and thank you for.
just cuz it took you guys a year to conclude it doesnt mean your nightly conversations only consisted of that issue does it?
and can i ask what your settlement on the issue was?
thanks bill
ultimately moot point.
She cant have kids period and has to be on the pill for other reasons, but suffice it to say, there is 0% risk of breakthrough ovulation.
We hashed it out at least once a week for a year on this one. We ahd to learn how to discuss not fight over differences.
Ultimately, why would you be morally opposed to barrier methods if I may ask? PM me if you wanna ask serious questions on this though.
Answer:
my husband and i have talked about BC on and off for months prior to our wedding... we were both concerned about having a baby when we're not ready financially... i was willing to take bc pills but after researching about it, i had some apprehension so i talked it out with him... and we both agreed not to take any contraceptive pills, but just to trust God.
just like bill said... it will take time to have a concrete decision about it.
Answer:
(i PMed you bill)
thanks praisey
Answer:
Originally Posted by classicgtrfreak (i PMed you bill)
thanks praisey
Just to add a little to the general question of (what to do during serious disagreements with your wife): This will still occur in marriage. Currently my wife and I are struggling with the decision for her to come home and be a stay-at-home mom. She wants to continue working, and I want her to come home.
Now, first off, realize that she said that she did want to be a stay-at-home mom when we married, but now that she has been working she wants to continue to do that. Rather than going into her reasoning or the specifics of the argument, my point is this: things and opinions change even during the course of a marriage, and these can range from the very mundane (she likes Macaroni and Cheese now! ) to the very serious (loss of Christian faith, for example). And, in all honesty, this would have been a 'deal-breaker' for me in regards to whether I would have married her or not.
But things happen, and you deal with it. I chose to marry and love my wife, so now we have to work it out. Now, the main difference here with you is that you have not made the committment of marriage yet. So, is this really a deal breaker for you? Probably not. There's probably a middle-ground. For instance, there is NFP which basically means you don't have sex during the times in which she is most likely to get pregnant. My wife and I practice this, and it has worked out very nicely (didn't have kids for 3 years, and now have one and one on the way).
Answer:
hey bill... did you ever get my PM?
Answer:
Im very busy, and to be honest, I need to give it more time and thought.
Answer:
kay, i just wanted to make sure you got it...
thanks for being willing to think about it and stuff... i know you're busy
i appriciate it..
jake
Answer:
Originally Posted by classicgtrfreak hey... *sigh*
kay there is an issue that my girlfriend (and potential wife) have just stumbled across and we dont agree... so far this has been the only thing we dont agree on to such a degree that we can overcome it...
do yall have any suggestions as to what we can do? should i just give up my veiw and conform with hers? im at my wits end about this... it has been going on for 3 days and we cant seem to come to a resolve... i think i should maybe just do what she wants even tho i dont agree with it. id rather give up my opinions than her...
what do you guys think i should do?
This is merely advice, I do not want to start a debate, nor will I get into one. This is solely for your consideration and possible further study.
If you truly believe that you may marry this girl, the worst thing you can do (if you believe you are right) is to just give in (on such a big issue, I'm not talking about which way the toilet roll goes in). This is a cycle that will repeat itself into marriage. When presented with a conflict will you just keep giving in, even when you believe you are right? You are a man, you are called to be a leader to your wife and family. You are not called to be led by your wife. Your wife is called to be your helpmeet, to submit to you and your leadership, as the church submits to Christ (Titus 2; 1 Peter 3; Eph. 5). There isn't a 50/50 responsibility division between you and your wife (if you get married). It's all 100% on you buddy, your wholly responsible for the way you lead your family. Remember, Eve ate of the fruit first, but God didn't see her did He? No, all the shame, disgrace, and responsibility fell on Adam.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't lovingly and painstakingly discuss these issues with your girlfriend/wife, only a fool wouldn't. And there will be times when you a wrong, and your wife needs to point that out, and you must repent, gird yourself, and continue to shoulder the mantle of your responsibility. But you've got to figure out if your girlfriend would be willing to submit to your leadership once you decide to go down a certain path, even if she disagrees, even if it heavily impacts her life. Can she submit, can she let you lead?