Question:
Here is a first person scenario just to spice up your reading pleasures : Imagine you have broken off a 2 year relationship with somone. Not because there wasnt love in it, but because it wasnt right at that moment for a number of reasons. At first it was easy, you wish each other well and you pray for the other to grow in their singleness; but its hard to break old habits and the two of you end up being affectionate on a number of occasions afterwards. Then it gets messy!
You both begin to have to face feelings of hate due to hurts developed during the relationship caused from sheer stupidity among other things. As a response to this the other moves on 2 weeks later with another guy.
Now your heart gets crushed much like it would between a hammer and an anvil. You are broken into a thousand pieces, everything has been stripped away from you and all that is left is a raw feeling of what can only be described as insane emotions. Read King Lear for a better description.
Its been two and a half months now and although you have come to terms with how you arent together with that person anymore, and that you only miss them occasionally - there is this underlying pain of rejection, of hurt and mistrust from someone you truly loved.
It feels like it is blocking the more important relationship with the Lord, and it sits there all the time! Its a wound that isnt healing. Had the relationship ended nicely, it probably would have been easier, but it didnt. It feels like there is an emptiness that needs filling, but there is a fear of further hurts if it is filled again.
Furthermore, after NYE there was a huge feeling of missing that person again? Its was weird. Having satisfied the urge to call them a few days later, you hear them say they would like to be friends with you again one day. You think hmmmmm "I love this person, and I want all the best for them and I loved being a part of their life, but I have this huge wound that they caused after we broke up. I am not sure if I can be around them and be my normal self".
What sort of action/advice/readings could be useful in this situation? Is this pain the normal pains of a breakup or is it of the rejection that followed? I really dont think their is any good advice other than to let time work its way, but this does seem to interfere alot with my spiritual growth. Usually I can turn to God when I have problems, but its like I'm not ready to give this pain up yet?? If that makes sense.
Cheers for any advise you guys do give me.
Jono.
P.S. sorry for the longwinded, descriptive, firstperson scenario. I could have easily said it was a messy breakup and it hurt alot and there are pains which seem to block my relationship with God cuz I am not ready to give them over yet, even though I am getting over the ex. (gasp for air) Cheers.
Answer:
You didn't need to give me the first person. I've already lived it.
Unfortunatly I can't give you a whole lot of advice on how to deal with the hurt. I kinda did the wrong things back in the day for that.
But let me try to put it like this.
When someone is severely injured physically, you don't expect them to jump up and run around and play football or anything like that do you? Well why, when you've been severely injured emotionally/spiritually would you expect to be back on your feet all happy and praying and everything as though nothing happened?
In the first scenario you'd need time to heal and physiotherapy. Someone there helping you get the strength back where ever you were injured. It's the same emotionally/spiritually you're going to need time to heal (sometimes it takes longer than others). And you're going to need emotiotherapy or spirituotherapy. Someone to help you get back on your feet and back into your prayer life until you're ready to be more independent.
It could be a parent, a sibling, another relative, a friend, a pastor, anyone. But sometimes we just need someone to lean on to help us walk.
Answer:
I know what you mean by saying you did the wrong things to get through the emotional pains of a breakup. Its another reason why I find it hard. Besides losing the closest person to me, and her friends and family which I loved as my own. I worry for myself if I spend too long with people in the wrong crowd while Im in this state. It seems alot easier to break ties with that person by giving what we had freely to another. Thus, I suppose losing its importance and affect over me. Stupid I know, and I dont want that to happen. I pray that it wont happen. But I think I am vulnerable to it, and I struggle just to remain focused on God.
Is there ever a time in persons walk with God that they are complete without pains or struggles? I thought so once upon a time, but the last two years have just been trial after trial for me. I see fellow brothers and sisters in Christ talking with such joy of blessings they have recieved, and I know that they are real about it! I just want to give over this pain now and receive that joy that comes with knowing God and His love, purpose, faithfulness and wisdom.
Answer:
Some day you will receive it. So long as you persevere and endure the hardships with the joy of the Lord. Just remember how good He is and the storm will clear.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Chris Some day you will receive it. So long as you persevere and endure the hardships with the joy of the Lord. Just remember how good He is and the storm will clear.
Amen Brother!!!
Thanks for your advice, thoughts and prayers.