Question:
Hey
My boyfriend and I are thinking upon when is a good time and a possible time for us to get married. We have been going together for 2 years. The problem is - we need to get our money in order. I work full time and he's working in 2005, but in 2006 - he will be going back to full time College. His last year.
I am getting frustrated, because I feel like we don't have a plan. God spoke to us and we got a feeling something would be sorted out within the month. I am impatient I guess. I really want to get married - and I don't want to have to wait 2 years. But it's quite possible that we will have to wait that long. It's gotten harder and harder. We want to be together and commited to eachother.
My fear (and that of my boyfriend as well) is that it will just get "too" hard and we'll break up messily! But I love him so very dearly!
Has anyone experienced this? Any advice anybody?
Naomi
Answer:
I think alot of people experience that impatience. That "I want to get married now!" or moreso when you're planning the wedding "let's just get it overwith"
premarital counselling helps with the money planning, etc... but usually you don't do that till you're in the planning and the final stretch before the wedding.
Answer:
My advice to you is DO NOT get married until you are finacial stable and really have a plan as to how you will handle your finances. You don't have to have tons of money so don't think I'm saying that, but you really need to be ready to pay bills and the extra things that WILL come along that you never thought of. In our first few months of marriage we had a few things come up that were not planned for at all and it was not by any means cheap. Thankfully we had saved up for emergencies but I know many couples who had not and were in a hole because they rushed into marriage without thinking all aspects through. You have to make sure you plan for the unexpected when it comes to finacial things.

It is far better to wait and be prepared then to rush and have maritla problems. The number one cause of divorce in this country is finacial issues, so it is a pretty serious issue certainly not something to be looked over and hope you can just "get by" it's not worth it IMO.
Answer:
Well the thing is - we'd be able to live off my Wage alone if need be. But my Boyfriend will be working next year as I said and probably part time the year after while he's finishing college.
But we'll have to find the money for the actual wedding. That's what is holding us up. My Parents could manage to make a small contribution, but we might have to do the rest on our own. I don't want a big wedding.
If my Boyfriend is doing College in 2006 (15 contact hours of study) and working part time too, do you think that's not a good idea for your first year of marriage. We were wanting to get married next summer, but I don't think that's going to work taking all these things into account.
Answer:
part of me agrees with what Delaina said.
another part of me says "we're not financially stable. we got married." we're in a position where neither of us has college degrees, and quite frankly we could not survive on one of our incomes alone.
I wonder, though, how much you will see each other while he's in school and working full-time. would he be working either way?
Answer:
Part of me agrees with Delaina as well Hence we are fairly torn about all these decisions.
That's another point as well. If we do get married next summer - will I see much of him, considering he will be working and going to college as well. He would be working regardless.
Answer:
I think you should wait. I mean, if you're meant to be together then you'll be together. Even if you break up b/c of the stress you'll get back together if you're meant to be. Before I got married my husband and I went through premarital counseling. The issue came up to wait a year b/c I had just graduated high school. I thought we should but he didn't. So I went with him and we didn't wait. A lot of me now wishes I would have waited. B/c then I would have had a year to spend time with him and not be in school and maybe I would have learned more about him. So, if you have any question on if you should wait, DO IT! I know 2 years seems like a long time but it's really not if you think about it. Imagine yourself 2 years ago. Doesn't seem that long ago does it? That is just my advice.
But the very best advice I or anyone else could ever give you is wait on GOD's timing and He will reveal to you both what you should do.
Answer:
I have been married for almost 6 months. My husband and I got married the summer after our freshman year in college. Now, we are in our sophomore year in college, both full time. He works part time, I work about 12-15 hours a week. We are doing great. We pay all of our bills, (rent, phone, gas, food, etc..) It is manageable. We also paid for the wedding mostly on our own, with a small contribution from my parents.
We still have plently of time for each other, and our budget isn't so tight that we can't go out on at least one date a week.
Just consider all the options. It may make more sense for you to wait, but I'm just saying that it is an option, not to wait.
Answer:
Originally Posted by sparklystuff I have been married for almost 6 months. My husband and I got married the summer after our freshman year in college. Now, we are in our sophomore year in college, both full time. He works part time, I work about 12-15 hours a week. We are doing great. We pay all of our bills, (rent, phone, gas, food, etc..) It is manageable. We also paid for the wedding mostly on our own, with a small contribution from my parents.

We still have plently of time for each other, and our budget isn't so tight that we can't go out on at least one date a week.

Just consider all the options. It may make more sense for you to wait, but I'm just saying that it is an option, not to wait. Did you have money saved up before you got married?
Answer:
we had some money saved up, not alot. About $2000 in the savings account. We also got about $3000 for the wedding, but we usually do not even touch our savings account, we live on what we are making month to month. It did help to have some in savings though, I would recommend that. Mostly for peace of mind.
Answer:
Originally Posted by sparklystuff we had some money saved up, not alot. About $2000 in the savings account. We also got about $3000 for the wedding, but we usually do not even touch our savings account, we live on what we are making month to month. It did help to have some in savings though, I would recommend that. Mostly for peace of mind. Yes however, easier said than done haha. There are times when unexpected things come up, for example I was in an accident and we had to pay for the rent car until the other person's insurance payed us back. That's what we have our savings for though, for emergencies. I still say be SURE you can afford those unexpected things to some degree before you jump into marriage. Not only that but I strongly feel one, usually the man should have a full-time job before the marriage takes place. It's just not wise to get married hoping things will work out finacially but not having anything stable and not having finaces in order.
Answer:
I would say that you absolutely need some plan of backup. I was also in a car accident, two weeks ago. It was very expensive, for towing fees, and storage fees, but that is what we used our savings for. I would recommend trying to work your finances our on paper. Before we got married, my husband and I went for months of marriage counseling, and part of it required us to do an in-depth budget. We had to figure out exactly what we could bring in for money, and exactly what we would spend on each thing. Each month, we would come up with about $300 extra. So, although my husband would not be working full time, it wasn't unwise for us to get married, because with what we were making, we were financially stable. I would definetly recommend doing a budget before you get married, so make sure that you will be making enough money.