Question:
I'm in a bit of a pickle here. For those of you who read my 'insight on love' thread you got a bit of a bio on my relationship with my girlfriend, for those of you who don't know, basicaly we met a year ago when our church first started up, liked eachother on and off, never knew it, in august we went on a house boat trip and during the course of that we developed an amazing relationship, ever since then it seemed like everything just fell into place and everything has been amazing. Now, something recently has come up. Now about two weeks ago, maybe less, she started to act a little bit wierd, eventually she told me that she's been under alot of stress, she just got a neew Job and the hours are slightly over whelming her, she's getting ready to head off to college next year and she's really under a crunch, along with that she only one of two people from our youth group that live in Newberg. She told me that she's been thinking about taking a break because she just doesn't have to time to focus on me. I told her that was not necessery, I will give her time to do all that she needed, to clear up what she could, and just work out her life, it was not necessery to cut everything off, she realised that was true so we decided what we do together will be cut down to a minimal.
Then we saw eachother for the first time since our conversations and it seemed like everything was great, saw her at church and she was happy to see me and we talked and laughed, then she went to a party with her family. She got back after church was over, and our youth group went in our van to look at christmas lights. we sat in the third row to the back (fifteen seater) i sat on the far window, and she sat next to me, for about 20 minutes, she was leaning on me the whole time, we had fun, then something changed and i've yet to find out what, she sat up all the sudden, and fsituated your self up right, leaving me slightly laying as i was, she didn't talk to me for a long time, then we picked up more people and I was forced to the back so as not to leave andrew all alone in the back. she never spoke a word to me again. then some of the people came to my house to hang out, she got a call from her mom telling her to come home because she was busy the next morning. I began to walk her out like i always do as she's leaving, she got to the door and when she noticed me behind her she said "NO, you're no alowed to walk me out." she walked out and we didn't speak for two days, finaly she calls me today while she's out christmas shoping and asks me for a few ideas on what she and my sis might want, it seemed like everythin was fine. Now she's at my house....down stairs....asleep.....hasn't talk to me all night, not a word....I mean how am I even supposed to react when she does this, after it happens and everything seems fine again she tells me she loves me, i don't think it's that, we're not on a break, not as far as i know, unless she tryed to tell me but the message never got to my computer or what not. I mean what do i do, do i leave it be and wait for it to wear off again? do i try and talk to her and figure out what's going on, very akward, and she wont tlak back. I just have NO idea even what is going on.
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girls are mysteries...
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It sounds as though she thinks you're on a break and you think you're not. I'm also getting the impression that this is really bothering you. (Obviously or else you wouldn't be here posting it all.) I know it's not that great of a thing to hear but I think it may be time to cut it off. She's obviously not thinking of you and your feelings (*gasp* I said the f-word ^_^) even in a remotely considerate fashion. It honestly sounds like the two of you are prolonging a painful breakup but it's still painful anyways (at least for you). My suggestion? Break it off. Advise her as I am now advising you, to focus on God and follow Him and give each other time to recover. Regardless, if you are meant for each other, God will bring it to be.
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I just don't want to jump to anything, i mean i don't even know if she is deliberatly ignoring me or what, perhaps she feels, as to our recent conversation, that if i want to spend time with her i will embrace other wise she thinks i'm trying tocontinue to give her space, which seems true because i really havnt tryed to doin anything about it, it's only been about a week. maybe i'm just making too much out of this, i tend to, to blow things up in my head and make it about 50 times bigger than it really is.
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I just don't want to jump to anything, i mean i don't even know if she is deliberatly ignoring me or what, perhaps she feels, as to our recent conversation, that if i want to spend time with her i will embrace other wise she thinks i'm trying tocontinue to give her space, which seems true because i really havnt tryed to doin anything about it, it's only been about a week. maybe i'm just making too much out of this, i tend to, to blow things up in my head and make it about 50 times bigger than it really is. I think if you're having a problem with the way she's treating you, then it's important that you tell her.
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Originally Posted by Jesusfreek21919 I just don't want to jump to anything, i mean i don't even know if she is deliberatly ignoring me or what, perhaps she feels, as to our recent conversation, that if i want to spend time with her i will embrace other wise she thinks i'm trying tocontinue to give her space, which seems true because i really havnt tryed to doin anything about it, it's only been about a week. maybe i'm just making too much out of this, i tend to, to blow things up in my head and make it about 50 times bigger than it really is. Believe me I know how that goes. I also, from experience, know that if you dismiss those ideas completely then something bad will still happen eventually. You will just need to sit her down (After she's had some time to wake up of course ^_^) and talk with her and find out what is going on. There's a chance she'll get mad and there's a chance she'll realise how she's made you feel and apologize. But seriously, talk to her. That's the best way to figure out where to go next.
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You know what this is all my fault, not what's going on with me and her just what's been goin on inside my head. Sunday she just was extremely stressed out, she tryed to act alright, but she just had so much on her mind, other things like college. adn then lst night i blew way out of proportion, she wasn't ignoring me, she was just trying to spend time with her friends that she hasnt been able to be with in a while, we've spent plenty of time together recently, but they've been busy, no she's got the chance, I don't know i've been like cronicaly depressed recently (i was last year and the year before, about this time of the year) and I in fact DID just blow everything up, and out of proportion. Thanks for your help anyways
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Originally Posted by Jesusfreek21919 I in fact DID just blow everything up, and out of proportion.
dont worry dude.... i do that too... i guess its a guy thing!
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I found it interesting what you just said there. Is this your first real relationship? I kinda ask this because if it is, often it can be very emotionally consuming. I know it was for me. Especially when you have no idea as to what the other persons intentions are when they act a certain way.
I was often blowing things out of proportion and turning things my ex did into things against me etc. It isnt healthy and it can become destructive. As the problems of miscommunication continue, pains and frustrations will also continue. I found I was emotionally drained by the end of my relationship, not because of her, we had a great friendship/companionship/relationship, but because we werent able to communicate what the boundaries were that we had in the relationship.
The way you feel is only controlled by you and by how you react to the situation. So when she does something, you can feel bad and wonder why you guys arent like you usually are, blowing things up out of proportion, or you can just say "hey is there something on your mind? You seem a little distant and if you would like to share it, Im happy to listen." If she does, COOL!, if she doesnt then maybe you are the one that needs to say something? You can keep ignoring these things but it can sometimes encourage more distancing behaviours, as she doesnt see the affect it has on you on the inside. Just talk to her man!
I also had depression and it can be quite debilitating. You kinda lose your drive and you lose your want to connect to the world around you i.e. friends, family, and sometimes even g/f. I found that my disconnectedness from the world, made me more and more dependant on my relationship with my g/f. It can be hard to understand why sometimes your g/f wants to spend time with other friends and not you. Meanwhile, you wait for her to be available again... This can lead to many problems that I dont want to go into. But if you are depressed be very cautious to not be relying on her for your comfort. Look to God, and also talk to someone about ways you can change your mentality and outlook e.g. counsellor or psychologist. Breathing methods and other techniques are quite useful.
I read a book called "Boundaries", I recommend it! It was really helpful in explaining the importance of setting boundaries and how to do it. Anyways, I think I answered a little too much here, but I hope that parts of it may be useful.
God bless.
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communication is key. You two need to seriously take 30 min or so and talk. Find out what is stressing you out. A couple of weeks ago, me and my fiancee could not hold down a conversation hardly we were so consumed with finals. We acted weird. (we normally talk over an hr a night) but we needed to focus on our studies. It wasn't a break in the relationship, just crunch time. She may be in a similar scenario. I was under extreme sleep deprivation and I got to acting weird for sure. But we knew that was going to happen. Hence it wasnt as big a deal.
You need to take the time to let her vent and listen about her stresses, and realize the tole they are taking.
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I'm engaged to the most wonderful woman ever, that said,
even she has wierdo hormornal times, which is totaly natural. I didn't understand it for the longest time, but it is true that girls just swing moods suddenly for no good reason due to hormons, stress, etc.
this could be what she was expierancing, especially durring extremly stressful times. It does not effect thier overall feelings towards loved ones, but for minutes at a time girls can be compleltly irrational.
I also tend to overanalyze the situation which leads to blown out of proportion ideas too, a guy thing no doubt.
Both of you need just some down time, first for yourself, then with eachother on a private date.
Goodluck my friend.
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I understand and can relate. I'd reccomend you give her some space, and if she doesn't come to you in about a week, then you could give her a call/visit and see what's up. Just don't force anything on her, patience.