Question:
Hey People-
Look here's the deal...I have been dating this amazing guy named Chris for about 8 months but I recently have been having second thoughts about "if he's the one." Ineed some serious christian advise because I want to do things the right way--plus not lose Chris just b/c I'm going through my mid-life crisis. Chris is my age, a very strong christian, and treats me like a queen but I suppose it's probably bad when there is some else that I secretly hold above him--this guy named Brad who moved to California about a year ago (I live in Minnesota.) Anyway, I met Brad through my old church. Brad is absolutely perfect for me--you don't even know how perfect. Brad is an amazing christian musicians that has been traveling all over the U.S for many years. Brad is so much fun to be around, treats me like a queen, and has the passion for music like I do. But there is only one down fall to Brad--he lives in California and is MANY years older than I am. I don't know if this is just some highschool crush that I'll get over but it doesn't seem that way. When Brad left for Cali I was crushed. I cried alot but then had to move on. He came to visit MN and of course we made arrangements to see each other but when we left each other again I was crushed. I don't know if I'd feel the way I do about him if I hadn't heard from so many people that we were perfect for each other. As you can tell I need some serious help. What I have with Chris is godly and totally pure and Satan would do anything to tear us apart. So maybe this is just Satan putting these thoughts into my head but I just don't know. I haven't prayed a whole lot about "if he's the one." But I did have a good sign that he was when he was willing to wait physically till we are married. PLEASE write me back asap. I need some serious help. It is a little difficult to be fully in tune with Chris when we are together. Do you think it is okay to date people that are several years older than yourself? Will it make a difference in the future? Is just a teenage crush and if it is why does it kill me when he leaves me? Please write or I might go crazy!
Cassy
Answer:
What's the actual age difference?
Answer:
Originally Posted by angel7wings Hey People-
Look here's the deal...I have been dating this amazing guy named Chris for about 8 months but I recently have been having second thoughts about "if he's the one." Ineed some serious christian advise because I want to do things the right way--plus not lose Chris just b/c I'm going through my mid-life crisis. Chris is my age, a very strong christian, and treats me like a queen but I suppose it's probably bad when there is some else that I secretly hold above him--this guy named Brad who moved to California about a year ago (I live in Minnesota.) Anyway, I met Brad through my old church. Brad is absolutely perfect for me--you don't even know how perfect. Brad is an amazing christian musicians that has been traveling all over the U.S for many years. Brad is so much fun to be around, treats me like a queen, and has the passion for music like I do. But there is only one down fall to Brad--he lives in California and is MANY years older than I am. I don't know if this is just some highschool crush that I'll get over but it doesn't seem that way. When Brad left for Cali I was crushed. I cried alot but then had to move on. He came to visit MN and of course we made arrangements to see each other but when we left each other again I was crushed. I don't know if I'd feel the way I do about him if I hadn't heard from so many people that we were perfect for each other. As you can tell I need some serious help. What I have with Chris is godly and totally pure and Satan would do anything to tear us apart. So maybe this is just Satan putting these thoughts into my head but I just don't know. I haven't prayed a whole lot about "if he's the one." But I did have a good sign that he was when he was willing to wait physically till we are married. PLEASE write me back asap. I need some serious help. It is a little difficult to be fully in tune with Chris when we are together. Do you think it is okay to date people that are several years older than yourself? Will it make a difference in the future? Is just a teenage crush and if it is why does it kill me when he leaves me? Please write or I might go crazy!
Cassy
you speak of teenage crushes and midlife crisis'. Which is it? Advice will vary accordingly.
Answer:
Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq you speak of teenage crushes and midlife crisis'. Which is it? Advice will vary accordingly. True. The advice we'd give a teenager is a lot different than we'd give to a middle-aged person.
Answer:
My advice would be to get rid of Chris.
Why?
Because for the past 8 months that you've been dating him you've wanted Brad.
Is this going to hurt Chris a lot?
Yes.
Will it be better for Chris in the end?
Yes.
Why?
Say you two get married. You say you "love" him... but in all honesty you would rather have Brad. Is that love? Is true love holding a secret desire for someone else for the past 8 months you've been together?
If the thought of losing Chris is much worse than the thought of losing Brad... then keep Chris and totally forget about Brad.
But...
If losing Chris wouldn't be as bad as losing Brad... then lose Chris and move to Cali. to be with Brad.
I know this may be hard to accept... but life isn't full of easy decisions.
Answer:
Umm, hmm, where to begin...
First of all, why are you blaming your own sexual desires on Satan? It's not his fault that you're lusting after Brad when you're in a committed relationship with Chris - of course, after 8 months, I'd assume it's a serious, committed relationship.
Second of all, you have no right to be dating Chris when you feel so strongly for Brad - you should be ashamed of yourself.
Lastly, unless I'm otherwise convinced, I'd say that both guys are better off without you. No offense intended, I'm trying to help, so please don't take this the wrong way. Love, true love, is selfless. If you really, truly loved either of them, then you'd dismiss the other. You're attempting to hold on to both which tells me you're in love with neither. Break it off with Chris, leave Brad alone, let them both find a woman that really loves them, and spend time in God's Word until you've matured enough to enter a committed relationship.
Answer:
I don't believe in *the one true love*, Jesus tells us love many people... even our enemys, but really marriage (if thats what ur considering with either brad or chris) is a choice, u chose who u want to be with for the rest of your life... and also u should pray about it, u should always go to God first, no matter what the situation...
(p.s. i know im young but thats just my two cents)
God Bless
Answer:
Originally Posted by angel7wings Chris is my age, a very strong christian, and treats me like a queen but I suppose it's probably bad when there is some else that I secretly hold above him--this guy named Brad who moved to California about a year ago (I live in Minnesota.)
If you're dating someone but constantly thinking about someone else, that's a rather obvious sign of trouble.
No human being can meet all our needs or measure up to all our expectations, so there's always a temptation in relationships to wonder, "Would I be happier with someone else?" But the moment you're looking around wondering what, or who, will truly make you happy, you have a faith problem - that restlessness exists because you aren't finding rest in God. Do you feel like you've been growing closer to God over the last eight months, or is your faith stalled? Do you have a greater desire to spend time with God - and a greater joy in Him - than in Chris or in Brad?
Also, if you're unhappy in this relationship because it isn't the "perfect" one you imagined with Brad, perhaps you're giving too much weight to your expectations of perfection. No relationship is perfect; all relationships hit hard times that require commitment and understanding and forgiveness. If you expected this or any relationship to be perfect, you still need to learn and mature more in this area...
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Just one thing I'd like to add is this: There is no concept of 'the one' found in the Bible. Some evidence of this is that God asked Hosea to marry a prostitute... hardly 'the one'.
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Originally Posted by exo Just one thing I'd like to add is this: There is no concept of 'the one' found in the Bible. Some evidence of this is that God asked Hosea to marry a prostitute... hardly 'the one'. Granted, but at the same time, when Jesus tells us to "love our enemies" He isn't speaking of love in the same context of loving your spouse.
Answer:
Originally Posted by exo Just one thing I'd like to add is this: There is no concept of 'the one' found in the Bible. Some evidence of this is that God asked Hosea to marry a prostitute... hardly 'the one'.
HHmmm...so next time I hear a Youth Pastor say, "Wait for the One!" I can say "Show me that in Scripture." And he wont be able to?
Answer:
Originally Posted by PaidInFull HHmmm...so next time I hear a Youth Pastor say, "Wait for the One!" I can say "Show me that in Scripture." And he wont be able to?
Yep, he won't. He'll say, "God has a plan for you life, and this plan includes a spouse. Since God planned this out, He has chosen the perfect spouse for you... ergo, the one." The One is based off of a faulty premise that God desires for all of us to have some magically enchanted love life (brought on mostly by our culture). In reality, the vast majority of people find someone that they love, are committed to, and are generally compatible with and that is enough (and pleasing to God I might add).
And again, a counter example can be given in the case of Hosea. God has his plan to fulfill His purposes, not our own. Yes, He desires to bless us and I am not saying that He wants everyone to have a horrible marriage. What I am saying is that there is no magical 'one' out there for all of us. The truth is that we could all be successfully married to several people, so there is no one person out there that you have to 'find'.
Marriage requires love and committment much more than compatibility and romance.