Question:
Hey everyone. Just updating on an older thread called 'breakup blues'.
After a good month of being broken up, it has been a journey for me. A journey of heart break and crushed hopes and dreams. I really tried to see about working things out with my ex, because I thought it was worth it. We probably had a chance at working out the problems. I got so consumed with focusing on the relationship itself that I actually lost the very person I wanted to save things with. I didnt respect her boundaries and space and now she says it is over for good.
She is already putting hopes into another man, and thats something I have had to come to terms with. I have looked to God for my hope as there is no hope anywhere else. Its been hard but I am letting go and letting God take control. He calms my storms and releases the pains I have held onto.
Prayers for peace in my heart would be appreciated.
Thanks.
Answer:
You're being quite mature about this, that's very respectable. I will pray for peace for you.
Answer:
That's probably the wisest, most mature attitude I've ever seen anyone take towards a relationship since I discovered the Advice forum. I hope everything goes well in the future. ^_^
I'll also pray for this girl, and suggest others do too, as she seems to be looking to heal herself from this relationship with a new one. Definitely a less wise move than yours.
Answer:
Thanks. I am quite broken from all this. For 2 years we went out. In them we had a lot of good memories. But I dont think it was a clean breakup, I feel disrespected and I feel like i was used in the last six months as security and comfort. She didnt breakup with me until this guy came along.
I have been suffering from depression for over a year and the only good thing that has come from all this is that I am now able to seek help in others rather than rely on the person I loved to carry my burdens. I hate that I waited this long to seek help, I felt like I was only semi-alive.
Who knows what the future holds for me, but I know God has lead me to this point in my life where I am broken and in my brokeness there is no-one to turn to but God. I have called out to Him. I have cried out and said this, and thats what He wants to hear from me. That there is no one else. My hope is in Him and the promise that He has given to those that love Him.
"The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and YOUNG MEN STUMBLE AND FALL; BUT THOSE WHO HOPE IN THE LORD WILL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31
God is going to build me up again, into a Man of God! It is a process of healing and discovery that will take some time. I am cleaning out all the crap in my life that I hold onto. Memories, hurts and sins, from relationships, friendships and family. I am letting God mould me into a man that will be able to be better suited for my future relationships. Not just with g/fs but also with friends and Fam. I will fully rely on him all the time, and not put my hope in anything else. I will lift up my hands in praise to Him and know that He is with me always. I will live in the Holy spirit day by day and know that He will renew my strength.
My hope is in God and I know that He will heal those hurts in my life, restore my balance and make me even better than I was before. I am a young man that has stumbled and fallen - nothing more. I dont expect my ex to hang around for me either. She hold things against me which she has a right to. I am not proud of myself, for relying on her all this time. I thank her for her love and patience through all of this. She was my best friend, and it saddens me that I have to let go. This is the leap of faith that God has set for me.
So now I sit patiently waiting on the Lord... Listening to what he has to say... Waiting for the spirit to move my heart and bring the problems in my life to Him. I dont know how long it will be, only God will know what he has planned for me. A future that will be blessed, I am sure. A life where I can be myself and love myself, and love God wholey. Living by His guidance and strength.
I wish I could have put her on hold for a year or two, cuz I know how great she is, and I will always hold a love for her. But I know that she is on a journey too, and I pray for her to continually find the hope in God that He has promised all his children. Who knows what is in store for the future, all I can do is look to God in the present, keep my eyes on Him and place my hope in Him alone.
God Bless her,
With Love and Prayer Always.
Answer:
has anyone been through this experience? Any thoughts, suggestions, etc. I think I know what I am doing and I know what I have to do, but then the next moment I feel so sad. I will wake up early each morning and the thought of us broken up enters my mind and I cant sleep. It hurts and makes me feel nautious.
Answer:
Originally Posted by JWillett has anyone been through this experience? Any thoughts, suggestions, etc. I think I know what I am doing and I know what I have to do, but then the next moment I feel so sad. I will wake up early each morning and the thought of us broken up enters my mind and I cant sleep. It hurts and makes me feel nautious.
I have been through this experience before... and it basically... sucks.
It sucks to be used... it sucks to feel used... and it sucks to see other people be happy when all you can think about is the things that used to make you happy.
It is good that you are able to seek help from others. One of the reasons that my breakup was so hard for me is because I alienated myself from all my friends. So when we broke up I felt like all I had was myself. My advice is to go to your friends. Let them know how you are feeling. If they are truly good friends, they will be there for you... help you get out when you feel sad... be there when you need a friend. ect... (Also, when someone else comes along... remember to always keep your friends... I had to learn this the hard way... so consider it free advice )
Youare right... only GOD knows what the future holds... And how mature are you to look to GOD in everything!! I feel like you should be giving me advice... not visa versa . I would just encourage you to keep looking to GOD, and praying that HE reveal HIS plan to you.
You seem to have such a great head on your shoulders, and I really admire how you are giving it all up to HIM. I am not just saying it. You are really an inspiration to me. Honestly.
About the not being able to sleep part... I am not sure what to tell. Whenever I have been badly hurt, I pray and ask GOD to take away the pain, not only the pain, but also the memories that ravage my mind. When you give someone so much of yourself, and then have to lose that person, it is like you lose your heart too. The only way I have found to "get my heart back" is to pray that GOD restore my heart, my mind, my body, and my spirit. It takes a while. I know that is not encouraging... and I really wish that it would be a fast process of healing... but it is healing... and healing takes time.
I do want you to know that I am always here for you. You will be in my prayers. And you will be healed.
Linds
Answer:
Thanks Linds, what you have said helped me know what I am doing and that I need to greive for a time still. Its always comforting to know that we are not alone with God on these problems. The issue for me has changed somewhat now. I am back on speaking terms with her and I went to her house to have closure; to pray for blessings upon each other and to release each other from any futher commitments. A good end to what was a really good relationship.
However, it was strange because we still have strong feelings for each other. She is not seeing this other guy anymore because she isnt ready for another commitment yet. (I am proud of her for that) She is interested in him though.
But when we were talking about stuff in general and just having fun enjoying each others company, we began to hug and then kiss We both know it is over and that we have to get over each other, but we are still holding on. The sad thing about this is that the reason we can no longer be together is because of the physical things we did together. As the man, I have taken responsibility for not being the spiritual leader that was needed in the relationship - mainly due to my problems I was having. She is looking for a man of God, that can be responsible for himself. I stuffed it and now she holds things against me. I wish that we could have worked through it, but I know we have to sort it through individually.
I am quite confused by what happened. But I feel that I cant dwell on this. I have to move on, as I know I will only get hurt otherwise. I just wish I could've been stronger spiritually! I am beating myself up over it. I know that in any future relationship I will be better at keeping us both God centered, but I kinda feel like I blew it with someone I really loved. I still love!
I need to cut ties with her and hold my boundaries. It just seems so hard.
Answer:
You are so welcome!!
I know that the ending of a relationship is so hard. Especially when you are used to doing certain things with a person. It is like a second nature type thing. For example saying I love you after a phone conversation. It is just a habit after so long. But it is confusing, and VERY hard to deal with.
Also, it seems that you are still attracted to her, and I am sure that she is still attracted to you. Sometimes your (my) mind just goes on autopilot and lets the emotions take over. It is so hard when this happens, because your head is telling you one thing, and your heart is telling you a totally different thing. The only way that I know how to help this is to just not let your emotions take over when you are with her. And this is so so so hard.
I know that you want to be friends with her still, but if you guys continue to kiss, there will be no closure to the relationship. It will be like you are still in the same relationship, but with no responsibilities. Does that make sense? I think it does, because you said many things that leads me to think that you do know that what happened will not let the both of you heal like you both need to.
I know how hard it is though, especially after such a long relationship with each other. I am sorry that you are having to go through it. I am praying that each day gets easier for you.
Linds
Answer:
JWillet, while reading your post, I thought of this one worship song that really touches my heart whenever I hear it... my worship pastor at youth group wrote it... hope it helps..
Here I am, broken
Fallen on my knees
All I am, all of me
I lay before Your feet
I can't live without You, Lord
I want You more each day
I can't live without Your love
I want You more each day
I count it all for nothing, I give it all away
Everything is nothing to me without You for a day
I've haven't been in the same situation as you, but I've been down before and this song has hit me hard everytime.
Answer:
thanks. To all of you who are supporting me. It is over for my ex and I, it is just soo hard to accept when I think of how much we still feel for each other, all the good times we shared and how compatable we were. Its easy for me to say "I will move on, and I will be strong...etc" but to feel it is another thing. Its a battle of the mind over the heart, of the spirit and the flesh. I keep getting kicked down every time I let the heart rule, and even then it keeps convincing me that its right.
I called her after what happened in the week (i.e. kissing/hugging) thinking that we have a chance to work it out - I have been beaten down for the last time. I'm an idiot for thinking it changed anything, and now I have lost all repect for having tried talking about sorting it out. Every time I have mentioned a relationship in the future, hope for us dwindles. I think women in general like a guy who is confident in not needing anyone else, and through my efforts I have displayed a weakness in myself. That I loved her and that I wanted to be with her, and therefore weak.
That annoys me! For I know what I want in life, and I have God with me to guide me and give me strength. Why is it that I am feeling like I have been weak?
Answer:
because you are weak. It is human to be weak, and God made us in such a way as we need someone else. Adam when God made him in perfection was still lacking an eve and God said that was not good.
I say this not to beat you down, but just to remind you that there is no super guy out there who isn't like that. You are suffering a heavy blow in your realizations, and if girls want a guy who needs nothing else, the best they can hope for is an unbalanced egomaniac who does not know the limits of his human frailty. Give it time, you will eventually heal, but don't try to be the all self-sufficient guy. The best you can hope for there is a facade.
Answer:
Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq because you are weak. It is human to be weak, and God made us in such a way as we need someone else. Adam when God made him in perfection was still lacking an eve and God said that was not good.
I say this not to beat you down, but just to remind you that there is no super guy out there who isn't like that. You are suffering a heavy blow in your realizations, and if girls want a guy who needs nothing else, the best they can hope for is an unbalanced egomaniac who does not know the limits of his human frailty. Give it time, you will eventually heal, but don't try to be the all self-sufficient guy. The best you can hope for there is a facade. Very true... I feel weak and I suppose I am weak. I left my heart open to her and keep getting shot down. I have tried to pretend I am cool with it all, but I feel crap inside. I will keep up this facade for a few days, then I will blow my cover and let her see the hurt side of me at its worst - wanting her back.
I have been struggling to forgive her in my heart for the things she has been doing. I dont want to feel this way towards her, but I am so annoyed that she didnt even attempt to sort it out and that she ran away from the problems. I sometimes feel she deserves someone who doesnt try either. I am praying that God will give me the strength to forgive her and move on from this. I am tired of it all.
Prayers for peace in my heart would be appreciated.
Answer:
Originally Posted by JWillett Very true... I feel weak and I suppose I am weak. I left my heart open to her and keep getting shot down. I have tried to pretend I am cool with it all, but I feel crap inside. I will keep up this facade for a few days, then I will blow my cover and let her see the hurt side of me at its worst - wanting her back.
I have been struggling to forgive her in my heart for the things she has been doing. I dont want to feel this way towards her, but I am so annoyed that she didnt even attempt to sort it out and that she ran away from the problems. I sometimes feel she deserves someone who doesnt try either. I am praying that God will give me the strength to forgive her and move on from this. I am tired of it all.
Prayers for peace in my heart would be appreciated.
I will, have you considered that she may be doing exactly the same thing you are in all of this?
Answer:
Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq I will, have you considered that she may be doing exactly the same thing you are in all of this? Thanks. What do you mean? That she may be searching a way to forgive? That she is looking to God? I am not privvy to that info these days. I know that she is looking to God as much as I have observed from afar. She has a real passion for Christ and love for God, which is what I loved about her from the start. But I am guessing that she has put her hopes in this other guy already. So as far as security goes, she may have her security in this other guy and not in God... I dont know. I only know that from the start of the breakup, we have shown our affection to each other on a couple of occasions - latest being last week. That she had also gone on a few dates with this other guy, and that she is saying that it is over for us. I am tired of it all, I feel sick thinking about it and I am beginning to let go. I dont want to change her, I love her. I have to let go but I am struggling with forgiving her for doing this. I am also struggling to find healing for what we had done. But I am waiting on the Lord to guide me on the right path, I am just weary at the moment.