Question:
OK, this is might take a while...I'm not sure. I just really need some advice on this whole thing. I'll try and give some background, then bring this all up to the present.
OK, About 7 months ago, some MAJOR stuff started happening in my life, all ending in me basically losing two people in my life. This put me in a state of spiritual depression so deep that I literally hated God...even though I still believed in Christ and everything. I know that doesn't make sense, but don't worry: I'm past that. Anyway, I discovered that because I was denying his Love, there was a huge hole in my heart...and I decided I'd try to fill it. I've been a Christian for about 4 years, and I've always lived my faith, so I didn't really change my life to much, but I was just acting it out.
And then enter "S". I'll just call her that. S was beautiful, smart, and I was convinced that she was the most amazing person in the world. Well, we started going out (turns out she liked me too) and I was still 'acting Christian' so we didn't do anything, but the entire time I wanted to. Eventually, this broke down and the relationship quickly got serious. We never had actual sex, but just about everything else. Now, before you start writing posts about how not having actual sex doesn't mean it wasn't bad, just stop...cause I know. Heh, even as I was 'participating', I could feel a part of my soul screaming that it was wrong. But I did it anyway, and this went on for about half of the time we went out (we went out 6 months).
That spiritual depression I was talking about was only made worse by my relationship with S until it began to seep into my regular life. I started slacking in my church attendance, and I actually considered suicide once (the only reason I didn't do it was because I wasn't strong enough). After talking to a church leader, and praying for about 12 hours totalled together, I finally came back to my faith, and was completely broken over everything that I'd done (not only the stuff with S but some other things as well). After praying for a way to somehow fix my relationship with S, I was basically led to completely stop any kind of 'romantic relationship' with her. I didn't want to believe it, but I honestly felt that the Holy Spirit guided me to this conclusion, and so...I did it. We broke up, and it was one of the hardest things I'd ever done, made even harder by the fact that this was my first real relationship, the sexual aspect, and the fact that she didn't understand AT ALL.
Let me get into this: S is not a Christian, she has a lot of 'alternative' beliefs, and nothing I've said has made a difference to her. Its been about two weeks, and S has become...bitter towards me. I can't say I blame her, exactly, but it just seems as if she's made a complete 180 from saying she loved me to barely even talking to me, and I can't deny that this frustrates me beyond imagine. I still wanted to be her friend, because I felt that it was the only way that I could show her Christ, but its almost impossible to put up with her subtle insults about the way I'm living my life now. She thinks that its stupid to 'take orders' from someone else, even if that person is the Almighty God...and I can't make her see differently.
So, I guess the advice I'm really looking for, should I completely stop the relationship, and how do I do that? Just not talk to her at all? I don't think that would set any kind of example...I just don't know. Well, that's the basic situation, and I sincerely thank you if you read this. Even if you don't post any advice, if you could just pray for S and I, that I might be able to do what I need to do in this situation, I would be grateful.
Answer:
Originally Posted by rebel This put me in a state of spiritual depression so deep that I literally hated God...even though I still believed in Christ and everything. I know that doesn't make sense, but don't worry I'm past that.
Its actually not all that uncommon. Martin Luther father of the reformation is famous for the quote "love God, sometimes I hated Him."
I finally came back to my faith, and was completely broken over everything that I'd done (not only the stuff with S but some other things as well). After praying for a way to somehow fix my relationship with S, I was basically led to completely stop any kind of 'romantic relationship' with her. Praise God.
Being able to take that kind action takes a lot of strength and it shows character.
Let me get into this: S is not a Christian, she has a lot of 'alternative' beliefs, and nothing I've said has made a difference to her. Its been about two weeks, and S has become...bitter towards me. Thats not terribly surprising. As amazing as she may have seemed, if she isn't a believer she does not have good within her. Romans 3 paints a very poor picture of non-Christians. At one time we were all one of those sinners and we have merely been saved by grace. Until she learns to fear the LORD, then she will be unable to understand (Proverbs 1:7)
I can't say I blame her, exactly, but it just seems as if she's made a complete 180 from saying she loved me to barely even talking to me, and I can't deny that this frustrates me beyond imagine. Obviously I don't know you or what you've done, but most likely you've changed since returning to your faith. In her eyes, you are the one that has made the 180 degree turn. You went from a very serious relationship to breaking up because you returned to your faith. Theres no way she can undersand that.
Further, regardless of whether you went all the way, sexual sin glues people together. It binds them in a way that only married people should be bound. You glued yourselves together and now you've been pulled apart. Its like when you pull a piece of duct tape off your hair leg....IT HURTS! You were both emotionally and sexually attached to one another. Now that is gone because you returned to your faith...once again, she won't understand.
Its also important to note that shes trying to work through what happened. She's probably very insecure at the time. The normal progression of these things is that the person gets real depressed and then they get real bitter. She doesn't want to be sad anymore, so she's channeling all of her sorrow and frustration into bitterness towards you. You didn't mean to hurt her, but that is the hard consequences of sexual immorality (1 Cor 6:18) combined with being yoked with a non-believer (2nd Cor 6:14). When we sin we not only put a wedge between us and God but we bring punishment to ourselves (Proverbs 10:16).
I still wanted to be her friend, because I felt that it was the only way that I could show her Christ, but its almost impossible to put up with her subtle insults about the way I'm living my life now. She thinks that its stupid to 'take orders' from someone else, even if that person is the Almighty God...and I can't make her see differently.
If she does not know God (as you say) then this is true of her:
Romans 3:
10as it is written: "None is righteous, no, not one;
11no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
12All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one."
13"Their throat is an open grave;
they use their tongues to deceive."
"The venom of asps is under their lips."
Read what that passage says and thing about how it compares to your current situation.
1. She doesn't understand - Verse 11 "no one understands" (spiritual things)
2. She rejects your changed life towards God's ways - Verse 12 "All have turned aside" (from God's ways)
3. She insults your lifestyle - Verse 13 "Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive." "The venom of asps is under their lips."
So, I guess the advice I'm really looking for, should I completely stop the relationship, and how do I do that? Just not talk to her at all? I don't think that would set any kind of example...I just don't know. I wouldn't advise you to completely break off contact unless she in some way is causing you to sin. Otherwise continue to try and be her friend. As of right now it appears that she's the one being un-friendly and un-loving. Theres no reason for you to respond with the same. Regardless of her unsults or bitterness, turn the other cheek (Luke 6:29).
Well, that's the basic situation, and I sincerely thank you if you read this. Even if you don't post any advice, if you could just pray for S and I, that I might be able to do what I need to do in this situation, I would be grateful. Will do
Answer:
Nice post, Sean.
I'll be praying also.
Josh.
Answer:
i wouldn't say that s is worthless...god loves everyone and that makes them worth everything....but she is definitely worthless when it comes to promoting your spiritual growth....god is the only one that can fill that gap right now and s is not going to help...i would suggest that you pray and seek gods wisdom about this...as it seems you are....and then try to stay far away from any source of temptation....even if that source is s.....
....ultimitely rely on god right now.....
Answer:
Hey, man, thanks a lot for the advice, especially the Scripture references. It really helps to see things from Scritpture that's applicable to the situation. It helps just as much that you were willing to drop all of that time to write that stuff out. Thanks to Josh and cinemagecko as well for replying.
Note: for some reason it won't let me log in...odd.