Question:
I'm having trouble trusting God and I've finally worked out how to articulate it.
Thing is, I'm afraid of God.
I've been a christian for a long time. God and I have a lot of history together. He's proven faithful to me so many times, every time in fact. But for some reason, I have developed a bad fear of him. I'm afraid to let him have control of my life. That's quite a statement, isn't it? Afraid to be in his hands. Afraid of his discipline. Afraid to surrender to his will.
There's been quite a few struggles over the past few years, same with everyone. And in the times when I naturally want to give it to God, I stop. I just stop. I think "What if he bares my wounds and brokeness?, What if he is ashamed of what I really am?"I don't want to be angry at God, so I avoid him. Can't move forward or back, I just get stuck.
But it's exactly what I don't want to do! And I know that this reaction is illogical. But I've done it over and over. I know it's prideful and not trusting him.
I know that his grace is meant to cover my faults. That's how it works; I come to God as I am, and my brokeness and faults don't matter anymore. And he works in me and makes me like him.
But foolishly, I figure that won't work on me
How did I get here?
Answer:
I think that in some form or another, most Christians have that kind of fear of God (or some form of fear). In my Christian life, I have this fear that if I don't confess a sin right away and ask for forgiveness that God will allow something to go wrong in my life, something that I've been praying for not to happen. I can't explain it, it just is. Even when I reason it out that it's not how God works.
Can I ask a question? Is your relationship with your father a good one or is it strained? Sometimes we get this warped idea of who God is and how He works because of our relationship with our earthly fathers.
Answer:
Nomes, I disagree with you that the reaction is illogical or irrational. I almost think that not allowing God to take care of things and simply trusing in our own human judgement and strength is very much more logical and rational than letting God take care of things. I know in my life, I have done and still do plenty things which I think are good and right without lifting anything in prayer first. It seems to make sense that if you can think it through on your own, there's no need to figure out what God wants, because your mind makes perfect sense of it. And that's where I know that I run into problems with whether I'm completely surrendering myself to God's will or not.
God isn't ashamed of who you really are, because he already knows who you really are.
Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Rainer. God isn't ashamed of who you really are, because he already knows who you really are.
Exactly.
Just to add a little to that...He also knows who you will become.
He is all knowing. He knows every sin that you will ever commit in your time here on earth, every struggle you will go through, etc...Yet he still loves you.
That's something I find myself in need of being reminded of quite often, because I struggle quite often. It's almost as if it's too good to be true, but I believe it is true.
Answer:
Ah yes, im struggling with that also.
Answer:
Thanks all.
It's like I think God will deceive me. That he'll get my trust, and then walk all over me. It's so horrible to think this way. And I know it's rubbish, but...