Question:
Hey guys! I have a friend who I'm very close to, who has developed a very "Me-first", self-centered attitude. We make plans, and then he'll tell me that day he'd rather do something else, and go do that instead, as well as other thigns like that. He knows that I'm not okay with this, but thinks that I should have the same attitude. I don't think a friendship should work that way. I dont' t think it can work that way for long. He means alot to me, and neither of us want to end the friendship. How do we find a way to make this work?
Answer:
It's very simple: he stops being "me-first." Otherwise it's not really a friendship at all, it's a fanclub and a rock star.
Answer:
Friend
1 : a person who has a strong liking for and trust in another
2 : a person who is not an enemy
3 : a person who aids or favors something
Sometimes friendships end. It hurts just like if it were a boyfriend/girlfriend realtionship. If this person was your true friend they would not be ditching you, especially if they know it is hurting you. You seem to know that this is not what friendship looks like, and it seems very likely that you both don't want to let the close friendship in your past go. Do you all have anything in common? Why do you think this person still wants to be friends with you?
Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers. - Proverbs 18:24
Answer:
Hi there,
I'm going to regurgitate (pardon me) a post I wrote for someone else regarding a similar situation. Maybe there is something in there that will help you. *smile*
~*~
Not everyone is going to be close or even consistent. It would be silly to
expect that. But if a person is telling you how important you are, insisting
that the relationship is a priority and giving you the impression that it is
OK to have certain expectations of them, then not really following through
while you're keeping all the balls in the air, THAT is a one-sided
relationship. If those conditions aren't there, that is a no-sided
relationship. In that case, there is really no way to evaluate what is and
what isn't a reasonable expectation from the friendship.
We also can't forget that relationships have seasons or rhythms. It is
important to be objective about circumstances. Sometimes my friends need me
to be the pursuer and as their friend I should be willing to do that. But it
can't get stuck like that forever.
And then there are the friendships that are based ONLY on circumstances.
They are not long-lasting, though you can certainly continue to count them
as a friend for the rest of your life. Beyond that, though, it would be
unwise to place too much importance on them. They were important for a time
and now they're not so much. Our feelings can confuse us in this regard.
Again, it's life, as painful as that might be.
~*~
This portion of your post struck me the most:
He means alot to me, and neither of us want to end the friendship.
I don't think friendships ever need to end. Sometimes they change, though. Which is never easy.
I can tell you, that if you were my friend, I would not continue to do things that caused you hurt. On your end of it, you need to evaluate whether you are being too needy. However, making plans and then him choosing something "better" that exludes you, is neither kind nor making the friendship much of a priority.