Question:
I'm just realizing more and more just how bad I am with conversations. When it comes to things that I really enjoy, or things that I could debate, such as politics, religion, or something else of high intellectual nature, I could carry on to the world's end, but I'm the absolute worst with small talk. It's like everything I say has to have a point to it, or I just won't say anything. I can never seem to talk about things just for leisure. Things that I could talk about for leisure, such as movies or music, are still a far cry from worth talking about because I'm not big into a lot of the mainstream music out there, nor movies. In group conversations, it's just the easiest thing to fade into the background without being noticed, though with adults who are significantly older than I am (late 20's on up), I'm as comfortable as it gets.

Part of it too is I have a friend Ellie that I do enjoy hanging around, but we're not good at talking. She told me one time, "You mostly talk about spiritual stuff. That's very good and all, and don't think I have anything against that, I love God wholeheartedly, but I want to know more about Jake (that's me)." In case that's important to know...

I've just really felt like giving up in terms of socialization. Three nights ago, I didn't want to watch a movie with my friends because I found it objectionable, and though there were people I could have stuck around to talk to, I just left. Debbie was going to come over Sunday, but I honestly didn't feel like seeing her face-to-face because I feel so odd around her when she's at my house (she starts talking to my mom and sister, and I kinda fade out again by default), so I didn't really make it a point to make sure she came over (and she didn't). I could have stuck around church last night and hung out with her (she was hanging out with my mom and her friend Darby, and that would have helped me be less nervous), but I just left instead. I have never been good around people, even people that I'm close to.

So... how do I talk about nothing? How do you carry on conversations that don't necessarily have a point? How do you socialize at all?

And how do you handle one-word answers?

Books, articles, scripture, anything that could help me, please tell me. And thank you in advance.
Answer:
It sounds to me like your kinda shy, and I'm the same way. When I hung out with my friends it's like I don't want to say something that sounds stupid, but I know that they won't make a big deal of it if I do. Saying a joke now and then, and having them laugh helps me open up more, and even if I listen to their conversations it makes me want to add something to it. So I do, and they talk back, and then we have a conversation on that. A way to talk more is to start a conversation on something that you like and they don't mind talking about, and then build something off of that.
I don't know exactly what else to say for advice, but just try saying more that is on your mind (with the exception of hurtful things), and don't be afraid to talk. I have a friend that doesn't like to talk much, and he answers mostly in one word answers, but when I talk more to him he doesn't seem to be as quiet. A lot of the conversations that I have don't have a point, lol, but we just keep talking anyway (well most of the time).
I hope that my advice has helped at least a little, littel bit. Good luck on socializing Jake.
Answer:
I hear ya. I don't like small-talk either.
I make do by just being a goof-ball and cracking a joke about whatever is being talked about. I think people perceive me as "the funny guy" but I (like you) love to talk about deep things as well. Which is interesting because in cases like that I take it very seriously and speak very little in fact. I weigh my words carefully and speak only after thinking about how I will say it.
All that said, I would suggest hanging back until the time is right and then taking the conversation deeper. A lot of people are in fact eager to go deeper than surface-level with any issue, but I think most feel like they "have" to keep it at small talk. You'd be surprised how many people really want to connect on a deep level.
Don't look at it as a curse; I see it as a gift. The ability to take things to a deeper level is a very good gift.
Answer:
Originally Posted by Epaphras I hear ya. I don't like small-talk either.
I make do by just being a goof-ball and cracking a joke about whatever is being talked about. I think people perceive me as "the funny guy" but I (like you) love to talk about deep things as well. Which is interesting because in cases like that I take it very seriously and speak very little in fact. I weigh my words carefully and speak only after thinking about how I will say it.
All that said, I would suggest hanging back until the time is right and then taking the conversation deeper. A lot of people are in fact eager to go deeper than surface-level with any issue, but I think most feel like they "have" to keep it at small talk. You'd be surprised how many people really want to connect on a deep level.
Don't look at it as a curse; I see it as a gift. The ability to take things to a deeper level is a very good gift.
That's very good advice.
Answer:
Everything you just said is exactly like me...
I don't really know what to say to you, but know that
you're not alone in this sort of struggle.
Answer:
Originally Posted by 4bygrace Everything you just said is exactly like me...
I don't really know what to say to you, but know that
you're not alone in this sort of struggle.
Same here.
I think it's from homeschooling and being in a big family. I did get better after my older siblings moved out and I became the oldest, but it is still a problem with me
Answer:
The loud people at school ask me why I am so quiet all the time. I am a ton like you. If someone is talking about serious stuff or somthing that I am really into I can talk like crazy. But when I walk into a party I am really small and "fade away" like you said. I just pray about it and try to enjoy hanging with people rather than worrying about what I am going to say. Sometimes my hands start shaking and stuff because I think people think I am way shy or else crazy. Luckily my friends think I am a really funny (witty) guy so it works out.
I don't know how much that helps but I can totally relate.
Don't think you need to like practice speaking or whatever. Just do your own thing, that's the best way to go.
Answer:
I used to be like that until about the beginning of my sophomore year in high school. Then I just started talking. The more I talked, the easier it got.
Answer:
I'm also fairly horrific at small talk, but working in the service industry is really teaching me a lot.
Ask questions. If you're just chilling, randomly ask that person something about themselves. "What's the last movie you saw?" "What did you do today?" Ask things that give the other person a chance to give you things to respond on. You can ask more questions or agree with something, giving your own take. Or even start out with yourself, "OH! I heard this song the other day. Are you familiar with the artist/song?" Now, you obviously don't want to ramble about yourself, but I don't mind when people talk about themselves as long as they balance it with ways for me to interact on a personal level as well.
It's not easy at first...but taking the time to practice is the way to go.
Those are just some things that have helped me.
Answer:
Originally Posted by SecretAgentRat I'm also fairly horrific at small talk, but working in the service industry is really teaching me a lot.
Ask questions. If you're just chilling, randomly ask that person something about themselves. "What's the last movie you saw?" "What did you do today?" Ask things that give the other person a chance to give you things to respond on. You can ask more questions or agree with something, giving your own take. Or even start out with yourself, "OH! I heard this song the other day. Are you familiar with the artist/song?" Now, you obviously don't want to ramble about yourself, but I don't mind when people talk about themselves as long as they balance it with ways for me to interact on a personal level as well.
It's not easy at first...but taking the time to practice is the way to go.
Those are just some things that have helped me.
Yeah, working in a service industry will do that to you.
I have a bad happy of talking about myself too much. However, after scking up to table after table in hopes of bigger tip, I can hold a conversation about almost anything. My favorite is to watch people's license plates when the pull in, and if they aren't from Mississippi, ask what they're doing down here. If they are from the Memphis area (my hometown), we'll end up tlaking abotu almost anything.
Answer:
Wow, this is like the anti-social club... I'm in.
Basically I am horrible at small talk as well. The one "trick" (haha, that makes it sound like it's some sort of game) is to remember what people have said, topics they like and talk about that. Considering that you don't talk to much, I assume you do a lot of listening. So, put that listening to work. Is the person going on a trip soon? did they just get back from one? Have they gone to any concerts or movies? Are they involved in something like a play or a performance? If you know something about them, ask about it. This way they'll definately have a response.
Answer:
Wow, this is all very nice stuff to hear. It does help me to know I'm not the only one. Yeah, I do an awful lot of listening, and I do even begin to shake when I get nervous.

I have found that there can be times when I can hold on a conversation about "nothing," so to speak (it's a show about nothing!!), but I find that sometimes I have to be in the right mood. Oftentimes I'm just really uncomfortable around certain people, and that hinders me. Looks like what I have to do is, in part, get past that nervousness. Even if I can't get all the words out that I'd like to, at least I won't feel like a nervous wreck. Still, it never helps when the person gives me one-word answers.

Thank you guys, I really like the advice you're giving
Answer:
It's easy to be a great conversationalist: be interested in the person you're talking to and talk about the things that interest them.
Answer:
I was shy, and I still hate small talk, but I'm getting better since I started workin. Dealin with customers and coworkers you have to be able to talk a bit.
Answer:
I know this sounds really stupid and cheap, but seriously. If it's small talk you want, try the Cheap post forum. It actually helped me allot.