Question:
Alright. I have posted about various parts of this situation several times before, but I am going to sumarize here, because I need some advice.
I am 18 and half, before anyone asks.
So there's this girl (yeh, I know, that's how they all start ). She goes to my church. She is a fun-loving, amazingly awesome, outgoing, super laid back and nice, incredibly mature and committed Christian. Oh yeh, and she plays guitar. So all around amazing girl and strong Christian. She is 17 and a half by the way. I have had strong feelings for her for well over a year now, despite that for a long period in the middle (think 8-9 months at least), I went out of my way not to encourage these feelings, cause I felt like God was pushing our lives in different directions.
I prayed and I prayed for guidance, and for help, that God would guide me through this if it was not his will. Despite it all, I cannot help feeling what I do. It's not one of those unreasonable and illogical "come out of nowhere" crushes that kids have. I know, I've had my share of those. The ones where one day, you just decide you like this random girl for no reason, where there is no thought process that goes into at all. They all faded away.
This is different. I have put a lot of thought into this. I know why I so strongly like this girl. I have known her for a long time, and over time have come to have feelings for her. I love everything about her personality and the way she is. Any faults or habits she has I can accept (and do) as part of who she is. She is the exact type of person that I could see by my side for the rest of my life. Most of all, I feel comfortable around her, like I don't around any other girls. I am usually NOT comfortable around girls AT ALL. I can actually hold an intelligent conversation with her, which is something I have trouble with with a lot of people, guys and girls.
Lol, so much for a "short summary". Oh well. Now to my point. Don't worry, I am actually going somewhere with this.
Well, no matter I do, how many times I pray, and how many months pass, this girl is on my mind. I mean, I don't how others see her, but I see her as the most freakin amazing girl I have ever met. Recently, I think she has made pretty clear that she likes me. I have thought so in the past, and I wasn't sure then, but I think she has made it kinda clear recently. Here's where my problem lies. She is hoping to be a missionary, and I don't know what God is going with my life. If he wants me to do that, I'll do it with a passion, but I'm not sure he's called me to be a missionary.
Now to my question. Now that you know all this, would it hurt if I asked her to have a honest conversation that put everything on the table between us? Given how much of a bumbling idiot I often am, it's very possible that she already knows, but I feel like there is this unspoken wall between us, and it is really really awkward at times.
If she feels for me the same way:
1) we could go somewhere great with this, but one of us would have to change our lifes plans to go along with it. I know I would change mine to be with her. I don't want her to have to give up a God-given calling, if that's what she feels she has, just to be with me.
2) what we are planning on doing with our separate lives is important, and now that we have come to this understanding, we regretably have to drop it right here.
If she doesn't feel the same way:
1) And it comes as a huge surprise to her that I like her, which I don't think is probable, then what happens?
2) But she knows that I like her, how does it end?
So what should I do? I really need good advice.
Answer:
Here is some good advice: Stop over analysing everything.
You seem old enough to look at pursuing a relationship with this girl. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, and go from there. You don't have to have the rest of your lives together planned right now.
Answer:
Originally Posted by ibanez_dude Now that you know all this, would it hurt if I asked her to have a honest conversation that put everything on the table between us? That is EXACTLY what you should do.
Answer:
Originally Posted by bobthecockroach That is EXACTLY what you should do.
Ditto and AMEN! brother.
Answer:
Originally Posted by bobthecockroach That is EXACTLY what you should do. you guys really think so?
Answer:
Tell her. You both sound mature enough to pursue a relationship, and it seems like it's already there.
Answer:
Originally Posted by ibanez_dude you guys really think so? No, we are just playing a prank on you so you make a fool of yourself.
Yes of course we think so. Go do it.
Answer:
Originally Posted by ibanez_dude you guys really think so? Absolutely. I haven't liked that many girls, but I can say from personal experience that I've never regretting being honest with my feelings to the girl I like. Once I was mature enough, that is.
Oh, and just so you know, even though I was honest with my feelings, I'm still currently just friends with her. It's not like I'm saying being honest is the best policy because it has worked out the way I wanted it to, at least not immediately the way I wanted it to. Mature honesty is the best policy because it can get rid of gray areas. Which is nice because you don't have to over-analyze things.
Answer:
Originally Posted by JaytheK Absolutely. I haven't liked that many girls, but I can say from personal experience that I've never regretting being honest with my feelings to the girl I like. Once I was mature enough, that is.
Oh, and just so you know, even though I was honest with my feelings, I'm still currently just friends with her. It's not like I'm saying being honest is the best policy because it has worked out the way I wanted it to, at least not immediately the way I wanted it to. Mature honesty is the best policy because it can get rid of gray areas. Which is nice because you don't have to over-analyze things. Yeh, I don't want to be honest with her because it will end up with the two of us together, but because I want to clear up any misunderstanding and just be honest.
Answer:
Originally Posted by ibanez_dude you guys really think so?
Absolutely. Talk to her about it. You said you can have an inteligent conversation with her...so just do it. It doesn't have to be an awkward thing, just talk it out.
Answer:
I really think I need to find some time to talk to her. The youth group went on a retreat this weekend, and she made it pretty clear at times, or so I thought, that she likes me, as I probably did to her as well, considering how bumbling I often am. So pray for me guys, cause I really think I need to do this, regardless of what the outcome is, cause it's not the outcome that is important.
Answer:
In the end, it's something between the two of you, and perhaps you're doing a little too much of trying to establish the condition of your relationship with her from only your side. Sharing with her will allow both of you to establish what really is on the table and figure out what to do with it. If she is really the mature Christian you say she is, and you're also mature and smart about this, then you should be able to come to a mature decision about this. I think I've already said something about this to you, but it's uncertainty in a relationship that allows a lot of tension.
I know you're a smart guy.