Question:
Okay, so I don't know if this is the right place to put this, and I should definitely talk to my doctor...
I have not felt like myself for the last several years. Pretty much ever since I left my home church in Colorado. Since that time, I have been a student minister in Dallas for a year and a half, a worship minister in Arizona for three years, and presently in Ohio as a worship minister for the last almost two years.
I used to be a patient person. I used to be pretty extroverted. I used to be a happy-go-lucky optimistic guy. I used to be fun. Now I'm a bitter, grumpy, impatient s.o.b. who yells at his family, is a pessimist and complainer about everything, and I'd rather stay at my house for days rather than talk to people or get to know anyone.
So - I tore some back and chest muscles lifting musical equipment (wrongly it appears). The doctor gave me some medication, and so for the last two days I've been taking a mixture of pills. These pills are:
- a levothyroxine pill, which I've been taking for almost a year now, after finding out that I had a hypoperforming thyroid (I would pretty much almost fall asleep at 5 p.m., and was lethargic and mopey).
- some kind of steroid to help with the inflammation of my muscle tears.
- morphine for the pain.
These last two days, I have actually felt like myself again. I have been happy, I have been confident, I have been patient. I struck up conversations with a couple of strangers at the mall. My daughter has entered a "sassy" and "talk back" phase, and these last two days her behavior hasn't bothered me a bit (whereas before I would get very upset).
My brain didn't feel muddied, I felt like I could think straight and found myself smiling a lot more. Even though I'm under a lot of stress and I'm not sure what's going to happen in the next couple of months, I found myself not worrying about it at all, which is amazing.
So - obviously I can't continue to take this "happy cocktail" after the time allotted for my muscles to heal. My wife had a friend whose husband was a good guy until he got addicted to some painkillers, and started stealing things in order to pay for his painkiller addiction.
I really want to be myself again - so do I talk to my doctor and see if she knows something similar I can take that isn't habit forming? When do I do so?
I think that's it for now. Any advice would be helpful, or any knowledge would be great.
Answer:
It sounds like you've been suffering from some sort of clinical depression. One of the big misconceptions a lot of people have is that depression is always "in your mind"--not so! Many times it is actually a physical illness and can be treated with medication.
I would definitely speak to your doctor about this and perhaps there is some way to treat your depression, not by taking medication intended for something else (muscles) but by taking medication designed to treat depression.
I'm no expert on the subject but I've seen antidepressants work wonders for people I know. And I will pray for you.
Answer:
Adam, I have to agree with Noelle here. It sounds like depression/mood disorder to me. The current cocktail is improving your mood because when a person is on a painkiller like morphine, you really don't give a **** about the things that used to irritate you.
Considering the extent of relocating and job shifting which are both high stress life changes, I would highly recommend a friendly visit with your doctor to consider a medication treatment that would benefit you.
Anti-depressants made a world of difference when I was in my late teens. I hadn't realised just how much of myself I had lost. It sounds to me like you are seeing what you have lost and I would strongly encourage you to talk to your doctor about getting diagnosed and treated. As well, I don't know what kind of local support you have in Ohio, however if there are a couple people that you could share your hurts and frustrations with that can also be beneficial.
I know from reading some of your blogging around here that some (if not all) the moving has been due to issues with the church you were serving. That may be something to talk/pray through as well.
In terms of timing for this conversation, I'm going to make the assumption that you have a follow up visit with your doctor to ween you off the morphine? If you do, that would be a good time to bring this up for discussion. If you don't have a follow up visit, I would call your doctor ASAP and make an appointment specifically for this.
Answer:
Thanks for the advice, both of you.
My doctor (before all this muscle stuff) did try and put me on Zoloft, but it gave me massive panic attacks and everything became 100% worse.
Maybe something else would work. I see her in a month.
Thanks!
Answer:
Originally Posted by psalm63adam Thanks for the advice, both of you.
My doctor (before all this muscle stuff) did try and put me on Zoloft, but it gave me massive panic attacks and everything became 100% worse.
Maybe something else would work. I see her in a month.
Thanks! Unfortunately different SSRIs (Selective Seretonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) affect each of us differently. Zoloft was somewhat successful for me, whereas Paxil made me incredibly ill. It can take some trial and error to find the right one for you. There are a number of options on the market and it sounds in my unprofessional opinion that finding one that is both an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety (Paxil, Effexor, Celexsa) could be a good place to start.
After the Zoloft flop she didn't put you on anything else? Or are you one of those people who'll just stop taking it?
Different dosages as well make a big difference and you may need a combination of meds in order to get your started. It can seem daunting at first, but listen to your doctor and do your own research into what she recommends you take.
As well, if you can keep some sort of record as to how you feel through out the day - it doesn't have to be long, but say when you get up, after lunch, after dinner, before bed - it can help her to better diagnose and prescribe medication for you.
Answer:
Adam. I think you should definitely talk to your doctor and explain to her all of the things you've just explained to us (if you haven't already). However, it seems like there may also be behavioral or situational changes (as opposed to physical or mental ones) that may be, in part, to blame for your "not feeling like yourself." You mention moving around between churches and locations with relative frequency (some people probably just can't function well when they're packing up and switching states every two or three years) and being "under a lot of stress." I'm sure that those things can trigger depression / anxiety, but treating only that subsequent depression / anxiety would just skirt the issue. I have no idea what to suggest specifically, but it seems like some lifestyle or occupational changes (not necessarily changing jobs, of course, but perhaps delegating some responsibilities so that you can focus more) might be in order so that you can slow yourself down so you won't get as stressed. There are probably counselors / doctors who can recommend these kinds of changes in conjunction with medicinal regimes to help with the symptoms of depression / anxiety. I'm not sure where you might find such a person, but they'd probably be a big help to you.
I'll pray for you. . . . oh, and lift with your legs, not your back. Squat and lift, not bend and lift.
Answer:
Anti-depressants worked well for me--I took Effexor for a while, can't afford it and now have a support group to help me handle a lot of the things that were just making me miserable.
Also, this helped:
I was reading a book a while ago, and I can surely find the title and author if you are interested. Basically it's about things from the past that are bothering us, things that hurt us that we don't remember, but need to so we can deal with them, get closure. Forgiveness is often the closure, even forgiveness of self, if we caused the pain. I have lots of stuff that I have just disregarded, things I never thought I could do anything about, and this approach helped.
It's also not only cheaper but more reliable than medication. And it's Biblical, to get to the root of a problem and put the axe of righteousness to it.
You may have a 'poison thorn' in your flesh, giving you lots of spiritual difficulty.
Anyway, prayer and Bible reading is good, often you are led to just the right passage when you have a strong desire to get better, as you probably already know.
Answer:
Originally Posted by SccHarpGirl It sounds like you've been suffering from some sort of clinical depression. One of the big misconceptions a lot of people have is that depression is always "in your mind"--not so! Many times it is actually a physical illness and can be treated with medication.
I would definitely speak to your doctor about this and perhaps there is some way to treat your depression, not by taking medication intended for something else (muscles) but by taking medication designed to treat depression.
I'm no expert on the subject but I've seen antidepressants work wonders for people I know. And I will pray for you.
I think he's right. And it's being said a lot.
I read in Readers Diegest about a studdy they did on the difference in symptoms of clinical depression between males and females.
The males that suffered from clinical depression often didn't know it. They're symptoms included: A very short temper, getting upset and mad at things that normally they'd be fine with, being withdrawn from others, etc, etc...
Basically what you discribed.
So, like everyone else has said, it sounds like some anti depressents are the way to go. I know nothing about the different ones though or what will, or wont, work. What I do know is that different ones effect different people in different ways. So, while one might not work at all and make everything 10 times worse, another might be like heaven on earth and your problems are gone. (That probebly going to extreems though, like I said, i don't know much about them)
So, thats my two cents.
Good luck and God Bless!
Sith,
Answer:
whats funny is I did a similar sort of thing and damaged my back. (OK so I fell down a flight of stairs on the el while carrying 100+ lbs.) and the valium they put me on pushed me into a dangerous depression which was like entering a netherworld where I was a jerk who was struggling with dangerous thoughts and a harsh chemical depression.
I would definitely talk to a doctor about seeing what they can try.
Answer:
You should probably go see your doctor as soon as you can not just when your next appointment is. Depression is a really bad thing that will only get worse if you do not recognize and seek help from someone who is able to help you.
As for the back/lifting problems.... Study the diagram man!