Question:
I have a lot of very good, close friends who happen to be girls. I don't particularly think that any of these girls that I am close friends with are going to end up being my wife. I don't like any of them in that way. They are just good friends to me.
However, I suspect that at least one of these friends likes me (I suspect this because one of her friends told me so ). I don't want to break any hearts or whatever, so how do I make sure that I don't "lead her on"?
I personally don't think that I can really control whether or not a girl likes me or not, and I don't know what I can really do to reduce the chances of a girl who is just a friend from liking me.
I am just worried that I am going to give her the wrong impression (because we are friends), and that she's going to get hurt and think that I lead her on or whatever. On the other hand, I could get extreme and stop talking to her and then she would be hurt...
I would like input as far as fixing this particular situation and as to how to prevent it from happening again.
So... do you wise people have any advice for me?
Thanks, Ben
Answer:
Options:
1) Do nothing
2) Call her on it
3) Ask around for confirmation
I prefer #1. 2 is downright awkward, and 3 is... well, it's dumb.
I have a friend who is sort of having the same issue. Except that she accidentally stumbled on an email where the guy said he was intent on marrying her, and that he was going to tell her after she moved out for college (yesterday). Awkward? It gets better! She's already attached.
[/wide streak of sadistic amusement]
At any rate, if she gets hurt by you simply being her friend, then... well, it's just not your fault. A lot of people get hurt by what should not even exist because they foster little mental relationships. When reality turns out to be different, well... it hurts. A lot, apparently. I think the only viable option is to sit back and keep on keeping on. You aren't leading her on, because you are being genuine with her. You aren't at fault, because, from what I gather, you've not paid any particular person special attention.
I don't know of any conscious effort that you can make to become a "safe" guy. You see, I am one by accident, and most girls talk to me for about ten minutes and then declare me their adopted brother (slight exaggeration, but the general gist is historical fact). Which doesn't do a lot for my sense of burgeoning manliness. Perhaps something you might try is letting them know that they are your sisters? Be subtle of course. Don't walk up, point at them and say, "I declare you my sister, and since incest is wrong, you are out of the picture forever, omg omg I like to play video games!" But work it in, perhaps?
*flops arms* Just some thoughts.
Answer:
Perhaps ( if such is your feeling ) you could let it be generally known that you aren't ready for a guy/girl relationship yet. And certainly don't pay more attention to one girl than another! (which could be hard to determine, I suppose) Or you could just ignore them like they're idiots, which seems to work for a guy in my youth group!
Answer:
I've found the do nothing approach is best.
Answer:
Yep, suggestion fourth'd.
Don't concern yourself with trying not to "lead her on", but just treat her like you normally would. If you didn't know that she liked you, you wouldn't worry about it anyway, right?
Answer:
Originally Posted by Rainer. Yep, suggestion fourth'd.
Don't concern yourself with trying not to "lead her on", but just treat her like you normally would. If you didn't know that she liked you, you wouldn't worry about it anyway, right?
Yeah I guess you're right.