Question:
Wow, I all of a sudden feel like I am writing here all the time. But anyway, I am kind of at a loss...kind of needing to vent, etc. But I'd like some objective thoughts.
I am being told here (not in words so much, but...yeah) that I am wasting my time. I left school (long story, but it was the right choice because I knew I wasn't to be at that school, believe it or not) to come home with the intention of working and taking a distance course until next semester when i would return to another institution. I am currently working 20 hours a week right now, and my mom keeps asking me if I'm *ever* going to get another job..."It'd make sense to only be working part time if you were taking distance courses..."
The problem is, the school I am going to apparenly has a different application procedure for their distance learning since I'll be a resident student in the spring, and I've missed the deadline on that by a long shot. (Basically, the deadline came when I was still at my other school before I knew for sure I was leaving.) She doesn't seem to understand that the school isn't being all that cooperative (I don't blame them...if they made an exception for me, they'd have to do it for everyone).
So then comes the issue of me only working part time. It's not that I haven't looked for a second job; I have. I have told her many many times that I can't find a second job because they hear "leaving after Christmas" and immediately write me off. Even seasonal jobs don't like me because I won't be around through New Years, and I'm gone for a week at Thanksgiving. Heck, I can't even find an ambulance service to let me volunteer with them because I am leaving (and yes, I tried all of this...except for the seasonal jobs...right when I got back).
How can I make her understand that it's not my fault that I am, in her mind, wasting time and space being here? I have always had issues when I've lived at home with feeling worthless and that kind of thing, and since I've gotten past that for the most part, now I can see where it came from. She always makes it seem like a hassle that I'm here (I'm staying in the guest room, which is my old room from HS), and I can feel myself slipping back into my old thought patterns, etc.
I've talked with her briefly about it...and every time she's made the comment that "You'd better not back out of school...again." I've told her (calmly and respectfully) that comments like that were what kept me from backing out of my first school in July when I started to realize that I really didn't belong there. Her reaction is "Oh hush. You're overreacting." So I highly doubt my telling her "you know, you're really making me feel like crap" would go over well. (ok so i wouldn't phras eit lik ethat...ha)
Just looking for some objective opinions on what I know is a biased story, but I honestly did not over-state anything. This is my interpretation, but I did not exaggerate.
His,
Latte
Answer:
What school, what major?
There are several schools of thought as goes the correspondence course. Some run off of a timed system from when you purchased it. I know that is the case with some of Moody's.
Answer:
Liberty University, Psychology Major. The major has nothing to do with anything...their distance courses start every three weeks. However, since I am accepted with intent for January, they are treating me like a resident student which means I have missed the deadline for registering for a Distance course.
I am actually ok with takign it easy this semester. I am in the midst of writing a bunch of monologues to send to Lillenas drama, as well as starting to write a full-length play, which is something I've always wanted to do, but haven't had the time ever. In addition, I just got permission to launch a new facet to the retreat center that I've been workign with each summer, and have got a ton of work to put into that before the summer (I figure I'll do it now sinc eI have the time)
I have spent the last several years with a hectic schedule...many times an overcommitted one. Someone once told me, "beware the barrenness of a busy life" and I am starting to see that. I don't see a whole lot of harm in what I am doing right now...I am making decent money at my job, and am ending up saving quite a bit.
I guess I just have relational issues with my mom. I get the feeling sometimes that she resents me for some reason, and she favors my older brother right now, who is also living at home.
And she does...for instance, tonight she asked me why when I made soup I didn't make enough for my brother. Since I wa sin high school, it's always been fend for yourself. I said that I coudltn' find more than one can of chicken broth. And she was like "but he's going to be hungry." The man is 24! He can throw a frozen pizza in the oven!
And then, we've had conversations like this:
mom--why didnt' you wash this pan?
me--it wasn't mine. i washed all of my dishes
mom--well didn't you have some?
me--no
mom--well you could be nice and wash it for him.
Again...why should I wash something of his when I am on my way to do something else? I wouldn't have minded except for when my brother tells her something is mine, she comes right to me and yells at me for not washing something right away. It doesnt' go both ways. I don't have a problem with doing stuff for my brother...it's more the way my mom tries to make me do his stuff that bugs me. I always get yelled at for his stuff laying around, as well as the jabs like "Well your brother has had a *productive* day at work." to which I respond "I cleaned my room and my attic space" but apparently that's not good enough. It's very frustrating. I have just been able to get myself out of the performance mode...well kidn of, but then I come back home and that's all it's about.
Sorry. Just had a BAD day and had to vent. Rant over.
His,
Latte