Question:
I think I have become lax in my friendships with my buddies I've been close to for most of my life. It's like we've been drifting and not hanging out much and I think a lot of it has been me, becoming really preoccupied in other things. Should I take initiative and be like "Hey, let's do something (insert day here)."? Or should I just sit back and just let everything take its course?
Answer:
Originally Posted by Kenny C. I think I have become lax in my friendships with my buddies I've been close to for most of my life. It's like we've been drifting and not hanging out much and I think a lot of it has been me, becoming really preoccupied in other things. Should I take initiative and be like "Hey, let's do something (insert day here)."? Or should I just sit back and just let everything take its course?
It depends. What types of things are you becomming preoccupied with and why are you becoming preoccupied with them over spending time with your friends? I experienced this sometime last year and got preoccupied with people other than my usual friends. I personally didn't see this as a bad thing; my usual friends had become very sarcastic and sometimes said pretty hurtful things. I decided that I didn't need to be around people like that and started spending a little more time with other people that I'd not really gotten to know more than I wanted to.
Sometimes it can be other things that preoccupy you and pull you in a different direction. Depending on what those things are, you have to decide if that's something that should be preoccupying you or if you still really have a connection with your usual friends. If that connection is fading, it's okay to let some distance come between you and them. That's been happening to me lately with the college switch--I just don't really connect with my old friends the way I used to when we were in high school, so I've had to let myself become preoccupied with other things: new friends at school, schoolwork, and moving toward new goals in my life.
However, if it's a matter of just being lazy and waiting for the other people to initiate something to do as a group, I would say step up and give them a call. Sometimes people just don't want to take responsibility for the group and just sit around waiting for someone else to think of things to do. You put into a relationship what you want to get out. If you don't put anything in, don't expect the relationship to go very far.
Anyway, that's my experience. If you don't mind, could you share why you think you're drifting and in what other directions you're drifting towards? It might help to give other people a good perspective of where you're at.
Answer:
Well, I've basically been immersing myself in my music and school work and in general just being off alone at home studying or writing songs. The thing is, I really don't like hanging out alone I just feel like I've drifted for such a long time and don't really know how to solve that. And the drifting isn't because my friends have changed, like I said, I think it's been mostly me.
*edit* By the way, I'm a junior in high school now and I think it was about freshman year that I started going off by myself a lot. I admit, a lot of times back then one of them might be like "Hey, let's go watch movies at my house" and I would say no and go home and like, listen to music or play guitar or something. After a while of that, they just started to stop asking. Yes, I'm dumb. But I'm not antisocial, I just...I don't know.
Answer:
From my point of view, that doesn't sound like a very healthy situation. If you love your music and are pretty intense about doing well in school, then set time aside to do both of those things. Perhaps spend the week concentrating on your schoolwork and your music and set the weekend aside from getting out and having fun with a few friends. Prioritize the things you feel are important and set aside a time for them, but also set aside time for being with other people, even if you may not feel like it.
Of course, these are my opinions and experiences; other people may feel differently than I do.
Answer:
Give your friends a call and see if they want to do 'x' on such and such a day. Let them know that you've been preoccupied with school and music. Let them know that it had nothing to do with them. Apologize. Don't lose friendships over something like this.
I don't speak to or see any of my friends from grade school or high school anymore. We drifted and I didn't bother to stay in touch. It's worth the effort to do it.