Question:
So I have this feeling that this girl I like likes me back... This is a first for me, so go easy on me . She's an extremely-God-fearing individual, which is part of why I'm attracted to her, and, though it's not out in the open yet, I get this feeling she likes me back... I can't say for sure, because I could be wrong, of course, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I don't want to really date 'til 17 or 18, minimum, partly 'cause I'm not allowed to date yet. The question I have is this: What next after finding out for sure if she likes me? I know it's not wrong to like someone, but I dunno what to do! Help!
Answer:
hehehe... ahh.. the experience of the first "love"... unforgettable... as for what you do, that's up to you.. some people think that 15 is too early, but everybody has their own theories about dating... i don't know your circumstances or details about this new found attraction, but you should enjoy this, don't overthink it though, that's the worst idea... the easiest way is to just tell her, although she may play hard to get so that may be a bad idea.. see... every girl is different... also you don't wanna be "too nice" but you also don't wanna be a jerk... so... if you come out and tell her she may see you as too nice or nerdy... see what i mean, every girl is different.. my favorite method of course is to get in good with her best friend... that's how you can find out anything...
contrary to popular belief, i wasn't much of a ladies man in high-school.. but i did have some very meaningful relationships, one of which is still and hopefully forever going on... one thing i can say though, i have to this day only ever been turned down twice and there are 2 reasons for this, i excercised caution and i tried to keep my cool... see the thing is, in all of the times i asked a girl out, i made for sure she was gonna say yes, i mean i talked to their friends and i always kinda played around with them to put the idea in their heads... one of the times i was just flat out rejected after this long process, but the other time i just went and blurted it out... so.. that's the way i did it, and hopefully it will turn out alright with you..
Answer:
If you can't date, I don't recommend making an issue of whether or not you like each other. It sucks because you want to know if she likes you, and you want to share in that with her, but where is it going to lead? If you can't date, it will probably lead to you acting like you're dating without really dating. In other words, it will probably lead to confusion.
I think one of the most important things is to define the relationship. If you're "just friends" but really basically dating, then your relationship isn't defined well at all.
I also think it's important for the levels of intimacy and commitment to be balanced. Getting into a close relationship without any kind of commitment to that relationship is problematic.
As much as it sucks, I have to recommend that you just be friends, keep your feelings to yourself, and don't try to figure hers out.
Answer:
I'm not allowed to date yet.
And there's your answer. This is of course assuming that it is your parents doing the forbidding. I'll have to echo the last post in this case.
If you think it would be best, you could talk to your parents about it (man, talk about awkward! ), but their "no" is the definitive answer.
It's hard, yes, it takes more mental discipline than you probably are used to mustering, but if you can't date, leave it at that.
Answer:
Oh, I've been in a similar situation. Without telling you the story, the moral is that once two people realize they like each other, it's not just a slippery slope to something more - it's a friggin' cliff. Made of mud. And slippery things.
The point being, there is no point to talking with her about it. Talk with your parents first, ask their advice (weird, I know, but it's usually a lot different than peer advice, which is a bit like what you're getting here). Who knows? Maybe they'll give you a pass for this. But do not for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY talk to her about it. Unless you like slippery cliffs.
Answer:
Originally Posted by bobthecockroach If you can't date, I don't recommend making an issue of whether or not you like each other. It sucks because you want to know if she likes you, and you want to share in that with her, but where is it going to lead? If you can't date, it will probably lead to you acting like you're dating without really dating. In other words, it will probably lead to confusion.
I think one of the most important things is to define the relationship. If you're "just friends" but really basically dating, then your relationship isn't defined well at all.
I also think it's important for the levels of intimacy and commitment to be balanced. Getting into a close relationship without any kind of commitment to that relationship is problematic.
As much as it sucks, I have to recommend that you just be friends, keep your feelings to yourself, and don't try to figure hers out.
I am quoting Daniel, because it needs to be reitterated. Don't open doors you are not allowed to walk through.
Answer:
Originally Posted by DaGeek So I have this feeling that this girl I like likes me back... This is a first for me, so go easy on me . She's an extremely-God-fearing individual, which is part of why I'm attracted to her, and, though it's not out in the open yet, I get this feeling she likes me back... I can't say for sure, because I could be wrong, of course, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I don't want to really date 'til 17 or 18, minimum, partly 'cause I'm not allowed to date yet. The question I have is this: What next after finding out for sure if she likes me? I know it's not wrong to like someone, but I dunno what to do! Help!
Okay take this from me (what i've done in the past) Don't come out let her because when you ask her and if she doesn't like you she will feel uncomptible around you and not want to be friends if you truely like this girl just stay friends for now and build that relastionship by just being friends.... if she comes out you are going to have to tell her you can't date at this age and tell her maybe in the future we can date so its not competely giving up.....I hope this helps
~ Hudson
*Mod's edit* Let's try not to create clutter.
Answer:
Thanks for the good advice, guys. I would have gone into more detail last night, but I had to go, so I made it quick. I said that part of the reason was my parents. The other reason is that I know it can't lead anywhere at fifteen. I talked to my youth pastor this morning, and he gave me good advice... I'm not going to tell her I like her, but just be her friend for now, and, hopefully, in a few years, when I can date/am ready to date, if it's a like-like situation, we'll date. Who knows? Thank you guys for the advice, though, it really helps. I certainly won't date until I'm allowed to.
And, Octavius, that was helpful to me. Thanks for the input . I'll try not to make any dumb decisions, but, knowing me, I'll fail miserably .
Answer:
Originally Posted by DaGeek I said that part of the reason was my parents. The other reason is that I know it can't lead anywhere at fifteen. I talked to my youth pastor this morning, and he gave me good advice... I'm not going to tell her I like her, but just be her friend for now, and, hopefully, in a few years, when I can date/am ready to date, if it's a like-like situation, we'll date. Who knows?
Sounds like you're way ahead of most guys I know, and you know what's right and where you want to go when. You're right, at 15 it probably won't go anywhere right away. I'd agree, don't bring it up yet just get to know her better. I've been doing this with someone for a while and we're really really good friends now.
I know I kind of just repeated what you said. I just think it's awesome that there are some other guys that actually get it. Not saying that I fully get it, but most of my friends don't. Just be patient. It'll pay off in the future.
Answer:
i agree with your pastor. i did that whole tell the guy that you like him and he tells you he likes you back thing but you aren't really dating you are just friends. its a load of crap. anywho just a thought.